A coworker smells bad - what would you do?

[JuniperBug]

I work in a small office with one long table. It's fit for maybe 2-4 people but there are 10 of us. Needless to say, it's close quarters.

The heat of summer has begun and one of my coworkers, who happens to be a pretty good friend of mine, has a body odor problem.

Some of us got our boss to send out a friendly reminder to everyone about being courteous in summer but the person with the problem laughed it off and nothing as improved.

Now my coworkers are suggesting that i should be the one to confront her since I know her best. I can't tell if they are serious or joking.

So my conundrum is this: who is responsible for telling her and, if it is me, what on earth should I say?

Thank you!

 

[The Penguin]

Oh my. I know what you mean but I know I need to be careful what I write so I don't get into trouble. Some months ago there was some people in the office smelled bad. I glad they was only there for a few hours but it seem like it was longer. Need some form of air freshener shield or something lol.

I don't find it fair the co workers putting the pressure on you to confront her. I can see why they suggest it but still not fair on you. Anyhow, hopefully someone have some good advice as I would like to know how to handle situations like this too when I meet someone like this again in the future.

 

[StephF]

I'd say "Maybe you should've showered becasue you smell !"

 

[Harrison]

Go back to the boss as a collective and point out that the 'friendly' reminder is being ignored. It's not your job to take the lead, if everyone is fed up of it then the boss should be told that by everyone. Then it's their job to sort it out.

 

[tree]

I got elected to talk to the fellow at work who was stinky. About him being stinky.
He was a nice, intelligent, amusing guy.
He wasn't dirty.
Just smelled bad.
Chemical imbalance.
I transferred soon after, so don't know the outcome of his decision:
"Take Zinc, Don't Stink."

Since then I have learned that people's sweat can smell like popcorn, cat urine, or marijuana, among other things.

Odor originating from metabolic disorder

 

[AsheSkyler]

I have a woman at my office who doesn't bathe regularly and covers it up with obnoxious perfume. So I open the window wider when she walks in and cover my nose. When she comes near me I step back and glare. I don't really care to spare her feelings since the old hag went around spreading rumors about me being suicidal once and another time went around saying I post provocative pictures.

 

[tree]

I have a woman at my office who doesn't bathe regularly and covers it up with obnoxious perfume. So I open the window wider when she walks in and cover my nose. When she comes near me I step back and glare. I don't really care to spare her feelings since the old hag went around spreading rumors about me being suicidal once and another time went around saying I post provocative pictures.

A very Freudian combination...death/sex.
They hold a fascination for her.
And, animal-like, she dominates the area with her scent.
What a raunchy ol'wench.

She is neither your supervisor or subordinate?
Your work doesn't depend on her co-operation in any way?
I hope.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

I have a woman at my office who doesn't bathe regularly and covers it up with obnoxious perfume. So I open the window wider when she walks in and cover my nose. When she comes near me I step back and glare. I don't really care to spare her feelings since the old hag went around spreading rumors about me being suicidal once and another time went around saying I post provocative pictures.

Mentioning it to HR isn't an option? It is one of their less-pleasant responsibilities.

 

[JuniperBug]

I got elected to talk to the fellow at work who was stinky. About him being stinky.
He was a nice, intelligent, amusing guy.
He wasn't dirty.
Just smelled bad.
Chemical imbalance.
I transferred soon after, so don't know the outcome of his decision:
"Take Zinc, Don't Stink."

Since then I have learned that people's sweat can smell like popcorn, cat urine, or marijuana, among other things.

Odor originating from metabolic disorder

I've heard of these things before and it's one of the reasons I've been so hesitant to talk to her about it when we are together outside of work. I don't want her to feel bad if she truly can't help it. But I also feel bad if she doesn't know but would want to. Sometimes I wish I could just read people's minds and know what they want.

Mentioning it to HR isn't an option? It is one of their less-pleasant responsibilities.

I work overseas and it's quite a different, less efficient system. The boss in question has a bit of a reputation for avoiding confrontation.

Go back to the boss as a collective and point out that the 'friendly' reminder is being ignored. It's not your job to take the lead, if everyone is fed up of it then the boss should be told that by everyone. Then it's their job to sort it out.

You're absolutely right. I think I've gotten used to taking a little seniority in the staff room because I have been there longer than most. But it is not truly my place and it shouldn't be my responsibility.

I'll mention it to our boss again and note that the e-mail didn't seem to work. And, if and when my coworkers complain to me again, I'll just tell them to redirect it to him because that's his job and not mine.

Thank you for your perspective, it feels much clearer now.

 

[AsheSkyler]

She is neither your supervisor or subordinate?
Your work doesn't depend on her co-operation in any way?
I hope.

Mentioning it to HR isn't an option? It is one of their less-pleasant responsibilities.

Very small office. Me, my grandparents, and her. The only clear-cut line on rank falls to my grandparents because they own the business. It is very awkward to mention anything to her because she comes up with a very long list of excuses to keep doing whatever annoying thing she's doing, and she's one of those whiny types that likes to badmouth us to clientele if we make her upset. And she still commands a little less than half our customer base. I'd love to metaphorically sink my teeth into her for blackmailing us like that. I'm basically just betting on out-living her since she's in her late 80s and hope she either dies or retires soon.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Mmm. So your office is her retirement plan, perhaps her lifeline? And she, perhaps, is having some of the self-care and casual hygiene issues a lot of aspies have...or people going in their decline. Ahhk. My compassion nerve is aching, now.

 

[Slithytoves]

I usually believe it's the responsibility of the manager to have that sort of conversation with an employee, especially if more than one of the team has raised the issue. As a former district manager with a retail chain, that unpleasant duty often fell on me.

If you do have a solid personal relationship with this person, though, it would certainly be kinder if it came from you.

If you decide to take this on, don't make a special event of it. Look for a moment of natural privacy rather than doing a "Can we talk privately for a minute?" That alone will ease some tension for her, though it might drive you a little crazy waiting for the right opportunity. Just remember this will be a bigger deal for her than for you.

Be brief, informative and empathetic. Open with something that makes your intentions clear, and from there, be gentle but matter-of-fact. Ease the feeling of judgment by giving her some excuses in advance. Prevent paranoia and extra humiliation by saying it's only you who has noticed it. Here's a script, just for example:

"Hey, I think it's important for you to know this. I've noticed a slight odor around you lately, since the weather got warmer. I know there could be a lot of different reasons for this, but I just thought I should tell you before someone else notices. I wouldn't want to see you be embarrassed. I don't want to embarrass you either, but I just thought if it were me, I'd want to be informed. Okay?"

When you're finished, smile understandingly (close-mouthed is best) and give her a chance to respond if she wants to. Be prepared to listen. Be prepared to give advice, but only if asked.

This part is only secondary. If you can allow her to walk away first when the exchange is over, that gives her a little power back. Don't wait so long for her to make a move that it gets awkward, but keep in mind that if you walk away from her, it will feel more like you just swooped in and dropped a bomb on her, leaving her helpless.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

 

[tree]

Very small office. Me, my grandparents, and her. The only clear-cut line on rank falls to my grandparents because they own the business. It is very awkward to mention anything to her because she comes up with a very long list of excuses to keep doing whatever annoying thing she's doing, and she's one of those whiny types that likes to badmouth us to clientele if we make her upset. And she still commands a little less than half our customer base. I'd love to metaphorically sink my teeth into her for blackmailing us like that. I'm basically just betting on out-living her since she's in her late 80s and hope she either dies or retires soon.

Hmmm...Is she arthritic? Is she steady on her feet? Girls over 80 (I know a few) can get really special in their beliefs about what is adequate...sometimes due to deteriorating sense of smell/eye sight.

 

[Etzelaire]

I would bring up the topic of perfums and ask her which does she like. Also I'd say I use something to block my strong odor (regardless of if I use it or not) and maybe she would feel interested. That's the first stage.

 

[Tom]

Depends on how well you know the person, if you think they would want you to tell them or not.

But I wouldn't do it as a representative of the others. If they want to say something let them do it. I would only do it as a friend privately.

If they were not a friend I might leave a bar of soap and some shampoo anonymously at there place.

If you think they would not take it well, then just bare with it until somebody else raises the issue. Friendship comes first if you wish to remain friends.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Mmm. So your office is her retirement plan, perhaps her lifeline? And she, perhaps, is having some of the self-care and casual hygiene issues a lot of aspies have...or people going in their decline. Ahhk. My compassion nerve is aching, now.

She could probably use some compassion. I have none for her, not with knowing how many bad deals she's done on people and how cruel she's been to some good people. I shouldn't think us a full lifeline so much as the standard excuse we all have in our twilight years to cling to a facade of independence. She has a large family, and as with your average matriarch, a lot of people happy to let her move in or them move in with her to watch over her.

Hmmm...Is she arthritic? Is she steady on her feet? Girls over 80 (I know a few) can get really special in their beliefs about what is adequate...sometimes due to deteriorating sense of smell/eye sight.

Still gets around pretty good, surprisingly. The only way you know she's over 80 is that she has wrinkles! And a stomach the size of a walnut. That's one of the only things I dread about getting old, I enjoy eating too much to have a walnut stomach!

 

[Tom]

Since then I have learned that people's sweat can smell like popcorn, cat urine, or marijuana, among other things.

When I really perspire heavily it reminds me of something like hay. Does that mean anything?

 

[paloftoon]

You could consider a private note rather than a private chat 1-1 in-person if you decide to make contact. If you do, you could do private chat or private note, but either way, keep it private. When you're talking to your boss about it, make sure it's a 1-1 conversation or note meant for privacy. Offer some possible solutions such as air fresheners or Febreze to the boss maybe? . . .

 

[Suzanne]

Oh I feel for you! Body odor is the worst!

They are passing the buck onto you basically, for they feel just as embarrassed but using your friendship with this person, as an excuse to get out of being the "fall guy".

Well you could try buying a gift for all 9 of them as a sort of joke ie just carrying on from the bosses gentle reminder and hope this person takes the hint, but sadly it seems not likely from the response coming from your boss.

You could try the "Nathan and David" which is to say that you have a bit of an issue and wonder if this person can help out and say what would this person do if they found one of their coworker had bad body odor? And depending on how this person responds, you could say, well actually it is YOU.

Or send an email.

However if this person is a friend, aspie or not, surely you should know how to talk to this person?

 

[Sully]

I know a social worker who rubs Vicks menthol on her upper lip before entering certain houses.