A coworker smells bad - what would you do?

[JuniperBug]

I usually believe it's the responsibility of the manager to have that sort of conversation with an employee, especially if more than one of the team has raised the issue. As a former district manager with a retail chain, that unpleasant duty often fell on me.

If you do have a solid personal relationship with this person, though, it would certainly be kinder if it came from you.

If you decide to take this on, don't make a special event of it. Look for a moment of natural privacy rather than doing a "Can we talk privately for a minute?" That alone will ease some tension for her, though it might drive you a little crazy waiting for the right opportunity. Just remember this will be a bigger deal for her than for you.

Be brief, informative and empathetic. Open with something that makes your intentions clear, and from there, be gentle but matter-of-fact. Ease the feeling of judgment by giving her some excuses in advance. Prevent paranoia and extra humiliation by saying it's only you who has noticed it. Here's a script, just for example:

"Hey, I think it's important for you to know this. I've noticed a slight odor around you lately, since the weather got warmer. I know there could be a lot of different reasons for this, but I just thought I should tell you before someone else notices. I wouldn't want to see you be embarrassed. I don't want to embarrass you either, but I just thought if it were me, I'd want to be informed. Okay?"

When you're finished, smile understandingly (close-mouthed is best) and give her a chance to respond if she wants to. Be prepared to listen. Be prepared to give advice, but only if asked.

This part is only secondary. If you can allow her to walk away first when the exchange is over, that gives her a little power back. Don't wait so long for her to make a move that it gets awkward, but keep in mind that if you walk away from her, it will feel more like you just swooped in and dropped a bomb on her, leaving her helpless.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Wow this is so informative and perfect. Are you planning on writing a book on social interaction anytime soon?

PS - I definitely CAN'T copy and paste that into a text, can I? Curse face to face interaction. -,- so awkward.

 

[Slithytoves]

Wow this is so informative and perfect. Are you planning on writing a book on social interaction anytime soon?

PS - I definitely CAN'T copy and paste that into a text, can I? Curse face to face interaction. -,- so awkward.

Awww, thanks JuniperBug! I'm glad it was helpful. I've had to do so much of this stuff, it's really nice to be able to help others with it from time to time. AC is one place where I've found a use for a lot of information that would otherwise be sitting dusty in a corner of my brain.

Aspies and Auties are famous for rehearsing conversations. I have no doubt that you'll fine-tune the right verbal message.

 

[paloftoon]

Oh I feel for you! Body odor is the worst!

They are passing the buck onto you basically, for they feel just as embarrassed but using your friendship with this person, as an excuse to get out of being the "fall guy".

Well you could try buying a gift for all 9 of them as a sort of joke ie just carrying on from the bosses gentle reminder and hope this person takes the hint, but sadly it seems not likely from the response coming from your boss.

You could try the "Nathan and David" which is to say that you have a bit of an issue and wonder if this person can help out and say what would this person do if they found one of their coworker had bad body odor? And depending on how this person responds, you could say, well actually it is YOU.

Or send an email.

However if this person is a friend, aspie or not, surely you should know how to talk to this person?

I think buying a gift for 9 people is too much unless you are close friends with all 9 people [high unlikely]. Even if you have the money, this is not a good way to solve this kind of problem. Then, people will just keep finding excuses for other things so that you can shower them with more gifts.

Saying you have an issue just makes you a target and encourages others to pawn you off to other said person only that much moreso.

The best advice I can give is be yourself, but try to stand up for yourself as much as possible too. E-mail is a good idea since it's not so intrusive in the open. Since you're not the boss, maybe looking for another job if possible too if you don't have any other options within the current job. . .