A Response to "How's Life"?

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I got a text message from an old friend. I used to be an assistant leader in my daughter's scouts troop. We would carpool with their family and became friends. They moved out of state a little after I started getting sick. I haven't talked to them since the late 2010s. They asked "How's life?"

So much pivotal life stuff has happened since then. I'm kind of not the same person even. Although I am blessed and there are often fun things happening, my life has heavily sucked since I last talked to this family, and I'm having troubles now.

I am pretty sure they're on the spectrum, so it's fair to say that it isn't small talk. That they're genuinely curious.

Oy. What do I say? I haven't talked to this couple in years and years. I don't want to say "I'm fine" or "Everything's great" or something else dismissive or fraudulent. But I don't want to vent my troubles upon them either.

But at the same time, I want to tell the truth, and be open with them, with great frankness, but most stuff kind of blows right now.

I would want to hear if their life has been hard. These kinds of things mean a lot to me. I like to help others.

What would you say if someone you haven't talked to asked how you are doing, after a time of hardship? Am I overthinking things?

 

[Jumpinbare]

You can give a factual account of what has happened without writing about the emotional turmoil. If they want to know how those things have made you feel, they will probably ask.
You could also just cover the highlights rather than each detail. Again, if they want more detail, they'll ask.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Maybe a phone call would be easier than a text message. That way you can see if it ends up being in depth or more small-talk orientated.

Ed

 

[Neonatal RRT]

You could interpret it as nothing more than a conversation opener. I don't think they want you to "info dump" on them, no need to elaborate upon the past, but simply summarize what's happening in your life right now. If they want more information, and they are truly interested, they can ask. It gives you more room and opportunity to reciprocate and ask them a similar question and have them describe where they are at in their life right now.

 

[Peter Morrison]

I tend to agree that keeping your information direct and short is the best. I find it difficult to get involved in a conversation if I am not in the mood. I'm also not interested in telling long stories to explain how I am and why I feel that way. It's enjoyable to talk to people you haven't seen in a while, but don't let yourself be the topic of discussion unless you want to tell and explain. If the story you have to tell is uncomfortable, leave it be.

 

[Au Naturel]

I got a text message from an old friend. I used to be an assistant leader in my daughter's scouts troop. We would carpool with their family and became friends. They moved out of state a little after I started getting sick. I haven't talked to them since the late 2010s. They asked "How's life?"

So much pivotal life stuff has happened since then. I'm kind of not the same person even. Although I am blessed and there are often fun things happening, my life has heavily sucked since I last talked to this family, and I'm having troubles now.

I am pretty sure they're on the spectrum, so it's fair to say that it isn't small talk. That they're genuinely curious.

Oy. What do I say? I haven't talked to this couple in years and years. I don't want to say "I'm fine" or "Everything's great" or something else dismissive or fraudulent. But I don't want to vent my troubles upon them either.

But at the same time, I want to tell the truth, and be open with them, with great frankness, but most stuff kind of blows right now.

I would want to hear if their life has been hard. These kinds of things mean a lot to me. I like to help others.

What would you say if someone you haven't talked to asked how you are doing, after a time of hardship? Am I overthinking things?

Difficult, but worth the effort.

 

[Rodafina]

A Response to "How's Life"?

"I'm not sure how to answer that question."

I have a deer in headlights moment when asked this sort of question. Usually heavy masking ensues trying to say what I think I should say. Instead, I've started saying what I wrote above and buy some time to think.

 

[Neri]

"It's definitely something."

 

[Outdated]

I wouldn't try and hide anything from them, but I'd try to tell it all in a more light hearted fashion. Tell them everything but soften the blow a little. Trying to describe my life to people is nigh impossible, and not all of it was as much fun as I make out, but I don't leave people feeling sorry for me.

 

[KevinMao133]

I got a text message from an old friend. I used to be an assistant leader in my daughter's scouts troop. We would carpool with their family and became friends. They moved out of state a little after I started getting sick. I haven't talked to them since the late 2010s. They asked "How's life?"

So much pivotal life stuff has happened since then. I'm kind of not the same person even. Although I am blessed and there are often fun things happening, my life has heavily sucked since I last talked to this family, and I'm having troubles now.

I am pretty sure they're on the spectrum, so it's fair to say that it isn't small talk. That they're genuinely curious.

Oy. What do I say? I haven't talked to this couple in years and years. I don't want to say "I'm fine" or "Everything's great" or something else dismissive or fraudulent. But I don't want to vent my troubles upon them either.

But at the same time, I want to tell the truth, and be open with them, with great frankness, but most stuff kind of blows right now.

I would want to hear if their life has been hard. These kinds of things mean a lot to me. I like to help others.

What would you say if someone you haven't talked to asked how you are doing, after a time of hardship? Am I overthinking things?

I say I'm good but won’t go into too much detail

I used to take the answer literally but they don’t care

 

[Aspychata]

Just ask, do you want the long uncensored version, or the short version? If you weren't very close, than just the news about your daughter's achievements would suffice. Then you could avoid all the questions regarding your health.

 

[SusanLR]

I'd just blurt out the truth, plain and simple.
"Not very good. Lots of health problems. How about you?"

 

[AuAL]

Invariably, “Not too bad.” If they want to know more, they can ask.

 

[All-Rounder]

"could be worse"

For questions that pertain to "feeling," they suggest ppl change them when dealing with autistic people to "thinking." Now it's a bigger deal to tell everyone to ask us in different ways but we can think about that question differently maybe.

"What do you think about life?" maybe. Then the answer might be "life is tough"

 

[MNAus]

"A very tough few years, learned a lot. It's been an experience"

 

[Au Naturel]

Try, "I was born in pain only to live in tears and die alone and miserable." Watch the shocked look on their face and see how fast they change the subject. Or run away.

Or give them the answer they want. "Great! How 'bout you?" It isn't a request for information. It is much closer to a handshake protocol, ascertaining that communications have been established.

 

[Alexej]

Or give them the answer they want. "Great! How 'bout you?" It isn't a request for information. It is much closer to a handshake protocol, ascertaining that communications have been established.

I would agree with this. It is a reaching our and seeking to (re)establish connection.

I would give a short answer that is true (but not the whole truth), and see if they are interested to ask for more info.

In the past I might have suggested a phone call, but nowadays video calls are so easy that that might be an option for you.

 

[paloftoon]

If you don't want to bother with the question, you could just simply say "good" and you could "reciprocate" by asking the same thing back. If you want to elaborate or if you're asked to elaborate and if it's not good,

then tell them:

" you want to tell them what's really going on, but it might be negative and even kind of unintentionally imposing. Are they okay with that?"

 

[Au Naturel]

you want to tell them what's really going on, but it might be negative and even kind of unintentionally imposing. Are they okay with that?"

Why would you do that? You're stepping into the "They are weird zone." The other person is just going through a handshake protocol—or maybe a primate greeting ritual. Not the response they are looking for. There is close to zero chance they want it to get past that point.

If something good has happened, they will appreciate the authenticity of your "Great!" and may enquire further if interested. Ordinary people do not want to hear your problems.

 

[paloftoon]

Why would you do that? You're stepping into the "They are weird zone." The other person is just going through a handshake protocol—or maybe a primate greeting ritual. Not the response they are looking for. There is close to zero chance they want it to get past that point.

If something good has happened, they will appreciate the authenticity of your "Great!" and may enquire further if interested. Ordinary people do not want to hear your problems.

Well the OP says that he/she doesn't want to just say "great" or anything generic like that.
So, sure it's a "weird zone", but then it's a balance between choosing between "weird zone" and "differing social boundaries".