A Response to "How's Life"?

[paloftoon]

Why would you do that? You're stepping into the "They are weird zone." The other person is just going through a handshake protocol—or maybe a primate greeting ritual. Not the response they are looking for. There is close to zero chance they want it to get past that point.

If something good has happened, they will appreciate the authenticity of your "Great!" and may enquire further if interested. Ordinary people do not want to hear your problems.

On other note, Walz called Trump "weird".

 

[Au Naturel]

Well the OP says that he/she doesn't want to just say "great" or anything generic like that.
So, sure it's a "weird zone", but then it's a balance between choosing between "weird zone" and "differing social boundaries".

IMHO, the other person's social boundaries trump my own desire to overshare. It is important to respect personal boundaries even if they don't match your own. Even if they don't understand your own.

 

[Au Naturel]

On other note, Walz called Trump "weird".

The people who study such things in focus groups have discovered that calling Trump weird and pointing out his weirdness is a more effective campaign strategy than anything related to public policy or potentially criminal behavior.

 

[MROSS]

Usual response to "how's life?" question, "ups and downs."

 

[Judge]

What would you say if someone you haven't talked to asked how you are doing, after a time of hardship? Am I overthinking things?

Good question. No, I honestly don't consider that overthinking such an issue. Frankly greetings that reflect some kind of inquiry into one's well-being seem intrusive, whether they are meant well or not. Especially if you haven't kept in touch with a person.

It's an aspect of our culture that lacks sincerity, making it incredibly awkward at times, depending on how one really is at a time and place in their life.

One I had to deal with quite a bit over the phone in business. When so many external clients would not say "hello", but rather "how are you?" When often giving them an honest answer would not go over so well with them.

 

[Au Naturel]

I got a text message from an old friend. I used to be an assistant leader in my daughter's scouts troop. We would carpool with their family and became friends. They moved out of state a little after I started getting sick. I haven't talked to them since the late 2010s. They asked "How's life?"

So much pivotal life stuff has happened since then. I'm kind of not the same person even. Although I am blessed and there are often fun things happening, my life has heavily sucked since I last talked to this family, and I'm having troubles now.

I am pretty sure they're on the spectrum, so it's fair to say that it isn't small talk. That they're genuinely curious.

Oy. What do I say? I haven't talked to this couple in years and years. I don't want to say "I'm fine" or "Everything's great" or something else dismissive or fraudulent. But I don't want to vent my troubles upon them either.

But at the same time, I want to tell the truth, and be open with them, with great frankness, but most stuff kind of blows right now.

I would want to hear if their life has been hard. These kinds of things mean a lot to me. I like to help others.

What would you say if someone you haven't talked to asked how you are doing, after a time of hardship? Am I overthinking things?

You are confusing a protocol handshake with an attempt at deeper communication. Protocol handshakes are not intrusive because they don't ask for any real data and, therefore, are neither honest nor dishonest. You're being pinged, and what they want is a return ping. They do NOT want to hear your genuine state of well-being.

Saying I'm fine. and How are you? is a script to confirm you are both fit to talk to each other. Scripts do not have a truth value.

You are definitely overthinking. Autistic people often have extreme difficulty understanding NT conversational protocol, but it isn't anyone's fault. There's no blame to apply.

 

[All-Rounder]

You are confusing a protocol handshake with an attempt at deeper communication. Protocol handshakes are not intrusive because they don't ask for any real data and, therefore, are neither honest nor dishonest. You're being pinged, and what they want is a return ping. They do NOT want to hear your genuine state of well-being.

Saying I'm fine. and How are you? is a script to confirm you are both fit to talk to each other. Scripts do not have a truth value.

You are definitely overthinking. Autistic people often have extreme difficulty understanding NT conversational protocol, but it isn't anyone's fault. There's no blame to apply.

I read that psychologists suggest "don't just say I'm fine if you aren't" maybe it helps the person if they even surface mentions that they haven't been well and not having to not be genuine in their own shoes, although it can be complicated to additionally have to say I prefer not to talk about it.

Why We Say, "I'm fine" -- When We Aren't

 

[FayetheAspie]

I can remember getting hurt as a child (I think I had fallen). Someone saw it and asked how I was or something like that. I said that I was ok. They said something along the lines of knowing better because that had to hurt. I responded that I'm still alive so I must be ok.

 

[Judge]

I read that psychologists suggest "don't just say I'm fine if you aren't" maybe it helps the person if they even surface mentions that they haven't been well and not having to not be genuine in their own shoes, although it can be complicated to additionally have to say I prefer not to talk about it.

Why We Say, "I'm fine" -- When We Aren't

Reminds me of someone I once worked with for several years. Each time he'd answer the phone on business, I could always hear him say very abruptly, "Fine! Fine!" and not in a kind way. And to think in most cases these were insurance agents calling, likely asking for some kind of favor.

 

[Au Naturel]

I can remember getting hurt as a child (I think I had fallen). Someone saw it and asked how I was or something like that. I said that I was ok. They said something along the lines of knowing better because that had to hurt. I responded that I'm still alive so I must be ok.

And that is an example of when "How are you?" is a genuine request for information. The context of the request is everything.