A single setback ever set you off?

[EeyoreSyndrome]

I feel like my life isn't my own, ignored and fallen through the cracks. Like I'm not the captain of my own ship, stuck on someone else's auto-pilot.

And I just don't feel I have the energy to fight it or speak up for myself.

An ignored time-off request sending me on another spiral. Maybe I'm just over reacting.

But are policies not put into place in order to be followed and not ignored?

My S/O planned a birthday trip for me this weekend. He gave me a month's heads up, so that only slightly lessened the anxiety that trips/planning usually gets incited in myself.

It all comes down to the stress it causes me to ask for time off. Because in the past, no matter where I worked it always ends the same, with my requests being denied or ignored.

I should add, I am a line cook. So asking for a weekend day off, is always just "lol".

I requested the time off on March 1st. It was approved the same day by the owner/manager. Of course she didn't communicate that to my chef/kitchen manager and he just copy/pastes the same schedule as usual.

I will add I reminded him Friday night about my request. And added a physical note to the current schedule. He told me to remind him after the schedule is posted Monday? What universe is that logical?

And now the single idea of having to speak up for myself, redundantly so, seems overwhelming. When I have just made my intention clear. I just wanna give up.....this job already has me not giving any Fs but this incident adds to the fire.

And now my S/O doesn't seem to empathize with how the simple task of asking for time off always completely overwhelms me, to the point I don't ever bother to make plans.

I'll probably post a different topic about the relationship issues I have later.

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TLDR: does asking for time off seem impossible to others? Or is it just me? I have to say foodservice isn't very accommodating, specially for a depressed/anxiety stricken aspie.

 

[Rayner]

Your not alone asking for time off is impossible for me too. My employer makes it now that I'm replaceable witch is part of what makes asking for time off so daunting. You're not alone. I feel bad for guys that work in food service, since it's a tough industry to work in.

 

[wanderer03]

I feel like my life isn't my own, ignored and fallen through the cracks. Like I'm not the captain of my own ship, stuck on someone else's auto-pilot.

And I just don't feel I have the energy to fight it or speak up for myself.

An ignored time-off request sending me on another spiral. Maybe I'm just over reacting.

But are policies not put into place in order to be followed and not ignored?

My S/O planned a birthday trip for me this weekend. He gave me a month's heads up, so that only slightly lessened the anxiety that trips/planning usually gets incited in myself.

It all comes down to the stress it causes me to ask for time off. Because in the past, no matter where I worked it always ends the same, with my requests being denied or ignored.

I should add, I am a line cook. So asking for a weekend day off, is always just "lol".

I requested the time off on March 1st. It was approved the same day by the owner/manager. Of course she didn't communicate that to my chef/kitchen manager and he just copy/pastes the same schedule as usual.

I will add I reminded him Friday night about my request. And added a physical note to the current schedule. He told me to remind him after the schedule is posted Monday? What universe is that logical?

And now the single idea of having to speak up for myself, redundantly so, seems overwhelming. When I have just made my intention clear. I just wanna give up.....this job already has me not giving any Fs but this incident adds to the fire.

And now my S/O doesn't seem to empathize with how the simple task of asking for time off always completely overwhelms me, to the point I don't ever bother to make plans.

I'll probably post a different topic about the relationship issues I have later.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------
TLDR: does asking for time off seem impossible to others? Or is it just me? I have to say foodservice isn't very accommodating, specially for a depressed/anxiety stricken aspie.

You are certainly not alone in your feelings. It can be tough asking for things like time off and schedule changes. Furthermore, it is always irritating when your time off request gets approved, only to see yourself scheduled anyway.

Employers of all industries think they own you. Just reading about your experience fires me up because I've been there. I put in for vacation time and it was approved. When I landed at my destination, my employer called me and asked where I was. Angrily, I explained that I'm 2,000 miles away on vacation. The supervisor actually asked me if I could be back by the next day. I was so angry that I hung up the phone. I could not believe the audacity of that request. That guy was the pointy haired boss from Dilbert.

After all this, I've learned to take a different attitude - a more impartial one - and it's helped me deal with situations like this. The relationship between myself and my employer is business. I don't need them to like me. It is ultimately their choice to like or dislike me. The only thing I have control over is how diligently I do my job. They get their needs met through my production and I get mine met through compensation. All of my life I've strived to get someone else to like me and it has made me bend over backwards, only resulting in personal hardship.

So taking a rational look at the employer-employee relationship has helped me deal with the tasks of asking for schedule changes, time off, and chosing whether or not I want to come in when called. If called in on my day off, I ask what I'm to be doing and then I evaluate if it suits me. If it suits me, I politely express real interest, otherwise I say that I am unavailable. Sometimes, the person on the other side will sigh or sniff when I turn down a job. The key is not making it personal when they might want to. I still fight the tendency to be people pleaser all of the time.

 

[wanderer03]

Your not alone asking for time off is impossible for me too. My employer makes it now that I'm replaceable witch is part of what makes asking for time off so daunting. You're not alone. I feel bad for guys that work in food service, since it's a tough industry to work in.

My employer actually advertises my job on the back of the vehicles I drive. I drive for a transportation company and, quite literally, there are the words, "Drivers Needed - call xxxxx" in medium-sized red lettering. The reality is everyone is replaceable and employers know this. In a practical sense, turnover is costly and most employers want to avoid it but don't want to admit avoiding it either. Employers want you to be in a small amount of fear for your job. It gives them power over you.

They say the secret is to make yourself indispensable but they don't tell you at what ultimate cost. Doing this has lead to me melting down from taking on too much. I've never been good with balance in my life. I'm slowly learning how to balance work and life.

 

[Judge]

Depression, anxiety...excellent catalysts to set one off potentially on just about anything. You aren't alone.

 

[watersprite]

The combination (anxiety over changes of upcoming travel + necessity of speaking + change of scheduling) would put me into what I call a danger-zone in which I'd have to be very careful to prevent myself from sliding into a shutdown or worse.

 

[Judge]

I had a career for nearly two decades which involved having to go to the home office each year for additional training. In the meantime, my work would literally pile (physical files) inside my cubicle. No one would pick up the slack unless someone was fired, which always meant more work on a permanent basis if their spot wasn't filled.

This never-ending cycle of grief never changed, so to put it simply, I'd never actually take a real "vacation". I never had extended time off, and often just let my vacation time accumulate. When I finally had enough and quit...I was fortunate enough to be compensated for all those vacation days.

Very sad to look back on my life and realize I've never really experienced what I'd call a "vacation". Never.

 

[EeyoreSyndrome]

Thank you everyone for the feedback.

I am trying my best to remain calm and collected and not do anything rash.

Worst case scenario I call out sick or just no-show. Ive been wanting to leave this place for sometime now. Actually my entire current living situation, I've wanted to change, as I said that's for another post later when I'm not feeling so frustrated/fragmented.

 

[wanderer03]

I would call out sick. Don't give them the satisfaction of a no-show.

 

[Rayner]

My employer actually advertises my job on the back of the vehicles I drive. I drive for a transportation company and, quite literally, there are the words, "Drivers Needed - call xxxxx" in medium-sized red lettering. The reality is everyone is replaceable and employers know this. In a practical sense, turnover is costly and most employers want to avoid it but don't want to admit avoiding it either. Employers want you to be in a small amount of fear for your job. It gives them power over you.

They say the secret is to make yourself indispensable but they don't tell you at what ultimate cost. Doing this has lead to me melting down from taking on too much. I've never been good with balance in my life. I'm slowly learning how to balance work and life.

That's just cruel to go that Length to show that you're replaceable. I just do the best I can at building greenhouses and the other stuff I do for work. I find at least in my profession if you show that your not just there for a paycheck, that actually you take pride in your work in my experience will help you do better in your job.

 

[wanderer03]

That's just cruel to go that Length to show that you're replaceable. I just do the best I can at building greenhouses and the other stuff I do for work. I find at least in my profession if you show that your not just there for a paycheck, that actually you take pride in your work in my experience will help you do better in your job.

To be fair, this is very common in the transportation industry. I see help wanted signs on tractor trailers all of the time. I just used this as an example of the way many employers treat their employees. My company actually doesn't treat me all that badly. I was surprised to get a birthday card from them in the mail with actual signatures, not just stamped.

 

[Diagnosed2015]

I can certainly feel and relate, but I don't think it's a "personal" or "because you're an Aspie."

From your point of view (and mine), you'd think that you requested the time, you did your part, and it shold be a done deal. I've found that nothing is as "obvious" to others than it is to me.

You did everything you could, which includes getting approval from the owner/manager. When you leave for your trip, don't think about it, and when you get back, if someone asks, explain that the time off was approved, and you are sorry that information was not transmitted to the person creating the schedule (if it's a different person). I'm hoping you put the request(s) in writing, which is how to conduct yourself professionally.

Now, giving a month's notice when you are a cook, isn't the best amount of time (you should have more notice), but you don't have time to worry about that now, and it was approved.

As an Aspie, I can understand how you are "fretting" about the whole deal, because that's what I do, too. Even though my advice is practical, we tend to internalize our issues about "what part of my request did someone ignore, and why?"

I've learned to document everything, for the very reason you've mentioned. I can always produce "proof" if I'm ever asked to justify myself (although I have never been asked, so I have a whole lot of useless documentation), and I always put everything I do in writing, because I've learned (from several sources) that "oral" contracts are far less likely to be binding than written ones. So, in my mind, if I was called on to "prove" the agreed time off, I would hand in a copy of the request and approval (trust me, I would).

I am a big one for rules and regulations, and you might ask "politely" what the policy is (even if you know it) and how much time is generally required to request time off. That way, you can make reasonable plans around your job and are far less likely to be "forgotten."

I know that "forgotten" feeling. I can remember back in Girl Scouts where I had excelled and earned about 15 badges, and at the presentation ceremony, while I was waiting for them to be distributed, I wasn't called up to receive mine. When I asked why, my leader told me she "forgot" to turn in my paperwork. That day will be forever blazened in my mind.

Hang in there, and enjoy your time off. Please excuse any grammar/spelling errors -- my ADHD is acting up today.

 

[Diagnosed2015]

Sound wisdom!!! I find myself in similar situations all the time and fretting, so I've learned over the years to document everything. In fact, people have commented about "the meticulous records" I keep.

My friends call me a virtual hoarder, and until recently, I knew I did it, but I wasn't sure why. I've asked several therapists (before diagnosis) and they just said I was "organized." I haven't necessarily needed a recorder, but I have used one at times to prove something (I hid it under the couch during conversation).

With the increase in "videos" of misconduct being captured by people across the country, I am finally able to justify what I do, because now other people are doing it... and I can say (at least to myself), "See, I TOLD you it would come in handy someday."

Personally, I believe every citizen should be issued a phone that would keep any text and videos that needed, without have to be dumped every now and then, only to be used in cases that might end up in court (or the legal system). I have all sorts of "ideas" and "wants," but it just proves to me that we (you, me, and others like us) figured this out way before anyone else did.

Thank you for your comment.

 

[wanderer03]

Sound wisdom!!! I find myself in similar situations all the time and fretting, so I've learned over the years to document everything. In fact, people have commented about "the meticulous records" I keep. However, I've taken it up a notch, as I carry a small recording device around with me. Yeah, that sounds paranoid, but where I work you need to have proof on everything since they're like a bunch of piranha looking to devour someone. It's a flash-drive that doubles as small digital recorder; holds 8GB. My director got wind that I had recordings of him threatening me; he hasn't called me in his office in several years now.

It's really a shame that it has come to having that pocket recorder. Although, I would be careful because in some states recording without notification is illegal. One could be charged with a crime unless they have a PI license. I'm sure you are diligent and did your homework first, though.

 

[Diagnosed2015]

It's really a shame that it has come to having that pocket recorder. Although, I would be careful because in some states recording without notification is illegal. One could be charged with a crime unless they have a PI license. I'm sure you are diligent and did your homework first, though.

(Laughing) Trust me, I always make sure what I'm doing is appropriate because, like others, I am hypervigilant about rules, regulations and laws. In the case of the tape recorder, it wasn't exactly a conversation, but something going on in the household, and I did it to document that it wasn't me. (I can't remember the specifics)

It's funny you mentioned a PI license because I considered taking a course in Criminal Justice because I wanted to be able to do background checks on people. My son -- undiagnosed ASD as a child -- has a 4-year degree in law enforcement and is a professional in the field now, accused me of wanting to take the course just so I could do background checks on people. (I've asked him if he would do them, and he refused). Quite honestly, he was right. (smile)

 

[wanderer03]

That's one nice thing about Alabama. As long as one person in the party is aware, it's okay. I can't bug the office, but I can record conversations that involve me. You're right, though, about it coming to this. I'm not the only one that has had to protect themselves in such a way. That's what happens when you work for evil people.

The workplace is cutthroat Social Darwinism in action. The possible exception being in the transportation industry where people do help each other out. I've found most of my jobs to be working for evil, sociopathic people. I would call them psychopaths except they aren't smart enough.

 

[wanderer03]

Our previous supervisor was referred to as "The Antichrist," if that gives you any idea what I had to put up with. In fact, if he called my phone (home or cell) it would show, "ANTICHRIST" on the caller ID.

I once had a supervisor that I hated so much that I set the ringtone for his caller ID to be the sound of a donkey (ass.)

 

[laurag9g9g9]

That happens to me. I thought it was my righteous work ethic that I couldn't say no or ask for time off. One day I realized they don't care either way...why should I? You're health is number one! Good luck

 

[Mr Allen]

I kind of feel the same, that me being disabled and having AS is kind of the be all and end all of my life, and everything I do or can't do is governed by it.

Like I've only ever done voluntary work because government Doctors said I can't work due to disability, and Dad doesn't want me to work anyway, he says I wasn't brought up to work,.

I'm 40 on Thursday this week, and I'm still a virgin! My older Brother had both his kids when he turned 40 nearly 3 years ago, he had 6 year old Harvey and 2 year old Lauren.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Absolutely. I am a perfectionist by nature.