Adderall ?

[LucyPurrs]

I've got ten bucks saying failure.

What odds are you giving me?

 

[PokemonManiac]

I have ADHD and I tried strattera first (which made me vomit
So my psychiatrist put me on one called equasym xl I can say it kind of helped, but due to a heart condition (not caused by the medication) I am not allowed to take ADHD meds anymore
I take an antipsychotic which I find can help my concentration
It's worth trying medication to see if it works for you

 

[VioletHaze_03]

As someone who had really bad anger issues resulting from my ADHD, i seriously considered taking adderall. I've heard a few testimonies from those with ADHD who said it really calms them down, but there is one problem i've seen come up a lot on it: Increased risk for heart issues. That may not be common, but the warning from my doctor was enough to steer me sway from taking it. I think that's why i go with ativan instead, although it doesn't really have any effect on me. If i need to focus on schoolwork and homework, ritalin and concerta work pretty well, but sometimes it's like they have no effect, and they don't help with anything outside of doing homework for me. Maybe try some lighter, less industrial stuff before you get into adderall? But i'm not a professional, so i might not be the best person to ask.

 

[Mary Anne]

If you had diabetes would you be reluctant to take insulin? Your brain wiring is no more your fault than diabetes is or any other physical issue.
Clearly you are functioning in reality, and actually damn well given what you have to do to do your job. But maybe the Adderall would help you function more comfortably. I don't know much about it- think it's a traditional med they use for attention deficit disorder. You could give it a try for a week and see if it helps. You're not going to get addicted to it in a week. If it helps then you can decide if it helps enough to make it worth taking.
And BTW, the doc is correct- you're nothing close to crazy.

Most psyche meds need “more than a week” to fully kick in.

 

[Mary Anne]

As someone who had really bad anger issues resulting from my ADHD, i seriously considered taking adderall. I've heard a few testimonies from those with ADHD who said it really calms them down, but there is one problem i've seen come up a lot on it: Increased risk for heart issues. That may not be common, but the warning from my doctor was enough to steer me sway from taking it. I think that's why i go with ativan instead, although it doesn't really have any effect on me. If i need to focus on schoolwork and homework, ritalin and concerta work pretty well, but sometimes it's like they have no effect, and they don't help with anything outside of doing homework for me. Maybe try some lighter, less industrial stuff before you get into adderall? But i'm not a professional, so i might not be the best person to ask.

Thank you for pointing out the side effects. Doctors seldom really stress side effects. The tiny print on the sheets that are packed inside of prescription drugs are seldom taken seriously by anyone.

Good example here: I have been taking prescription steroids for at least 5 years now. It started so innocently- a daily common nasal spray to stop the extreme sinus infections I was getting twice or more times a year. Harmless.

Then, I started getting spinal injections of steroids 3 to 4 times a year because I have acute back pain, and stenosis/ spondylitis. On top of that, I get a steroid pain pill pack also 3 to 4 times a year. Pretty common stuff, and I am not taking opioids (though the pain is so great, I fantasize about doing so)

All of these treatments are very common, and non addicting, and millions of Americans do the same treatments.

Now, come 2018, and within 6 months, I am having rapidly decreasing vision loss, and seeing double. Driving is getting precarious- especially at dusk and definitely at night time. I cannot read a license plate two car-lengths in front of me, nor read the exit signs in the expressways until it’s too late to turn off! I just was diagnosed with cateracts due to the steroid use! I am considered too young for cateract surgery (insurance wise), and have to wait at least 6 more months to be re-evaluated!

I went back and read all that teeny tiny fine print on all my medicines, and there it was...every single one said a side effect of taking the medicines could create cateracts and or glaucoma. I just never thought that would happen to ME.

 

[Chance]

I “never wanted to become that” either! I wasted half of my life!

But you OVERCAME it... See to me that makes you a better person than just a normal person...
Maybe that's where I get so stuck with me... It's a battle I can't overcome because I was maybe just made the way I am and It's not ALL as changeable as I perceive it.

I'm never trying to judge people (sometimes facts do make it sound like a judgment)... We all get into stuff that we get hung up on. My issue I guess is when people give up, or just dont care, or even worse promote it as if it is some normality... When its nothing close to a fact based healthy life..

When I feel like "giving up" or calling what I deal with "normal" I get mad at myself (which is basically where I am right now)...

Anyone trying to do the right thing is a hero to me... My deal seems to be I cant try hard enough, and I get stuck in this overdrive that wears me down to nothing... And then I get like I am right now.

I fail daily, but I cant be a life's work of failure... I just can't accept that.

It's the all out losers that just make me really sad, and I live and breathe around a lot of that right now. I see people who blow their whole paycheck on partying and drinking, and then come in Monday (or maybe not) and then need a payday advance to make it till next payday... They eat junk, and stay drunk and I don't get it... I never have. The conversations they have just makes me deeply sick... And yet they plan to do this all over again and ever now and then someone gets busted and its all the fault of someone else... I call BS on all that... I want to say it out loud but just never say anything...

I should be a junkie... I was given beer in a baby bottle and loads of cough syrup and stuff to knock me out when I was little (who knows what else). My Grams caught them doing that and took me out a lot of it. My mom was a party nightmare (even when pregnant with me), my dad drank constantly until his body couldn't allow it any longer then he got all religious and self righteous and forgot all about his past!!! I wont say how I feel about that, because it's nothing anyone would want to hear me disclose.

I never blame them (I try very hard to never blame them), but I have to wonder what I might be like IF I wasn't born under those conditions, and then found to be this hated PROBLEM that some how was the worlds biggest inconvenience... My parents were just kids who made a 75 cent mistake... So it's not like contemplating the Law of Gravity on how I came to be, and that sort of sucks to know I was a mistake, not planned, and not wanted at that time.

Seriously... I'm not stupid by any means. But I cant help but wonder what could I have been without all those chemicals running in me as I was formed into a baby, and given to me as a baby? Did that cause all this crap? I can't help but think it at least didn't help any of it...

IN THAT... Might be my deepest struggle. I see this guy who isn't messed up and that's the guy I want to be. In that is a struggle unlike anything I have ever dealt with, because I have to daily try and not hate the people who messed me up really bad every chance they got, until they were basically removed from my life.

It gets hard to smile and feel all blessed at times, but I know I really don't have any options here UNLESS I want to be the monsters they were, and still are... : )

See they don't come clean like you openly did... They just refuse to discuss it (period). My past is never on the table to discuss at any level... I think the guilt of it, if they had to face it, would crush them. If not I'm not sure they are even human. My dad says he made a few mistakes with me, and has said he was sorry once, but it wasn't real comforting (or convincing).

I don't ever see him much and my mom shes been totally MIA since I was 10, but I was not allowed around her too much anyway... Things always seemed to go very wrong when that happened because she would leave me with other people (like her Nephew) and things would go from bad to way worse...

So if there was such a thing as a brain scrubber pill that would wash off all the crap I remember that haunts me... It might be worth taking... : )

 

[Chance]

That’s a great point. You are so right in that even with doctors prescription / documentation, there is a certain “outing” of one’s personal secrets. Lucky for me, in the feel I worked, just about everyone, including staff is on some form of psyche medication. A lot of jobs though, would be more difficult.

Here is the loop again... Why? Why are so many people (ASD or not) struggling so hard to make it in this reality? Why can't we deal with what we have created? Where is it going to go from here? I don't see this headed for some Utopian rhapsody...

I try so hard to see LIFE as a gift and a blessing... I try to see it as a learning phase to just another step in an eternity that never ends... Not trying to get all "religious" but if its "On Earth as in Heaven" ummm its not so good there right now... Yet another freaking loop I think on all the time... But its just too deep to even go there mostly... : )

I cant handle my own reality without drugs (it seems), so I dare not challenge anything else right now... I just figure that respect and gratefulness might go a long way in things I cant begin to wrap my twisted head around.

 

[Life of As-pi]

I'm treated with amphetamine for about four years now (officially prescribed!) so I thought I'd chime in here. I happen to exist as a miraculous lifeform with the outer appereance of a normal human but inside I'm the combination of Aspie and hypo-active ADD. Talk about the lovechild of a hummingtop and a tornado on too much caffeine, that's how I felt in my head for the past 30 years or so. Prior to medication.
I was offered multiple anti-depressants with no other effect than side effects. Some were scary.
The came Ritalin but I didn't respond to it very well. Tried Equasym, same thing. Luckily, and I mean it, my therapist suggested I try amphetamine. I feel lucky about it because this substance is prescribed very reluctantly here in my country, and you bet that you're one step short of a drug addict if you have amphetamine at home. I also feel lucky about it because it was the first substance that actually freaking did what it was supposed to do: ease my every day life. This was SUCH a relief that I'm still thankful to my therapist.

I talked to my doctor and he wants me to try Adderall... It has great advantages, but from what I reading it has some really horrible problems down the road... when it time to give it a break, or switch to something else.

It's suggested that you take a break from the medication from time to time. That serves two purposes: your body may build up a tolerance against the substance, requiring you to up your dosage in order to achieve an effect, which is not desired. The other one is to give you the chance to re-evaluate yourself. How have you been doing so far with the med, how are you doing without, can you still cope without? There is some withdrawal symptoms, mostly for the first two days. Eating like a horse, being tired all day and vanishing in my inner world, making it complicated to be around other people or interact with them. So I begin withdrawal on a Friday, make sure my fridge is stuffed with all I need so I don't have to leave the house before Monday and it's okay.

but I start this inner conversations of "Do they really need them... Or is this just cause I cant cope with LIFE?"

Haha, that thought is very familiar to me. Sometimes I ponder what I'd do if the meds weren't available - hide in a dark corner and perish? Truth is that I don't care as long as they ARE available. It's not something I require in life, it's something to improve life.

I just don't like depending on some drug to make me function. What if I find that I cant function without it? Why cant I function without it?

Been there, thought that... honestly, when I paused the med for the first two or three times, I couldn't bear with myself. Even worse, I started to dislike "real me", the way I am without meds. That was until I got used to my new freedom, allowed myself to slow down and realise that no pill on this planet can ever change who I am. It's not the med which made progress in my life, it was my very self! The med just assisted.
Do I depend on the drug to make me function? I thought so during the first months. Meanwhile I know I can pause it and still be able to go shopping, do my job, talk to another person without my inner world threatening to explode. It's about self esteem I guess, which is why it's imperative that you take things slowly and give yourself LOTS of time to adapt.

About being a drug junkie if you're taking amphetamines... nope, you're not. There's a clear difference between drug use and drug abuse. The latter occurrs when a person intentionally takes a very high dose of a certain substance in order to "overlap" how they would normally feel or act, and in order to feel the effect of the substance coming up like a slap in the face. A user sticks to the prescribed dosage and knows the (rather thin, granted) threshold between "this is how I felt before" and "this is my medication's effect, I found the perfect dosage for me and stick to it".

A word about side effects: I don't have any that would trouble me too much. That was worse with Ritalin where I could barely eat. Seeing that I'm a lightweight person, it was close to dangerous. I make sure that I drink enough during the day (important) and take care of a healthy nutrition.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to talk you into taking meds. It might have a different effect on you and maybe you even dislike it so much that you stop taking it. But if there's a chance to improve your every day life, you should allow yourself to test it and go from there.
Hope that helped a bit. If you have any more questions, just ask.

 

[Chance]

I deeply want ALL OF YOU to KNOW how much I appreciate the opportunity to express myself, come here ad try and hash stuff out, vent, examine what i wrote and what was replied.

I catch myself nearly tormenting myself USUALLY after one of you show me that I am doing that.
I did not invent myself, I had no known control over that process, however I do feel I should have control over the narrative I get lost in.

I basically woke up to the reality of who I really am mid-life... So in many ways I am having to deal with some very long running past programs that are no longer functional or beneficial in my life. Some of those changes seem like I am facing huge failures, and on the other side is the unknown... Even a strong minded person has to step back and see that for what a mountain that is...

Add to that issues with meds and places where I KNOW I fall short compared to the rest of the world and its gets pretty dark pretty fast IF I am not very careful.

On top pf that I feel I was basically cheated out of my childhood, and I had to become an adult basically still being a kid. In that things got serious because I had to survive and I only had a very bad program runningin my head. How I'm even alive right now is just an unknown.

I used to think as a kid I would never make it to 40 years old... I couldn't even conceive it. Now I have passed that mark of death so to speak and I am lost... I am swimming in a mass of very wrong long past decisions that don't have easy answers...

I am not surrounded by supportive people in real life, nor am I surrounded by like minded people, or people who want to advance to next level life...

I guess this is why I basically cherish the fact that digitally I have people who get me at some level, or at least TRY TOO... That means more than I know how to describe without getting all ikky...

I have deep level self discipline and its so driven that I will wear myself into nothing and then I have to rebuild this whole thing to have the guts and the energy to go do it again and again.

I cant help but feel if I want something bad enough, and I am willing to commit and work my butt of to get it, be it a cabin in the mountains, or a Gulfstream G650... I, or anyone else with that desire and drive should be rewarded for their efforts according to what they put in...

Right there I get shot down real fast... I do try harder then ANYONE I know of. I try so hard to overcome and or hide all of my mental mess... I need at some point some validation that this all out war on myself is worth it.

I don't want it to be a war, I want peace within myself, and it seems the more I strive for that, the more stuff erupts into a reality that I try very hard to keep drama free.

I don't like people telling me I look tired. I don't like being confused when people dont make sense to me, or trying to out guess or manipulate all the effort I put in to doing something at the very best level I have within me...

I have learned the people closest to you are the biggest dream killers and reality crushers there are. If you are striving and succeeding they will become leeches and suck the life out of you so they don't have to strive. They will take the credit of your hard work and then slice your throat verbally the second you go back out to try again...

That basically don't happen here and I appreciate it more than words can say. I cant even discuss this Adderall thing with anyone around me... They will just use it against me sooner or later, sooner if it gets them an advantage over me to keep me stuck in this loop of failure.

I wish so much I could just walk in an say I went to the doctor and he wants me to try this... blah blah blah... But I cant. No one even knows I went to the doctor. Thats just handing off a dagar to be used on me later... So I bring it here.

So..... If its all boiled down to the simplicity that I am the only problem I will ever have, I have to find the answer to where I am not my own worst problem... I'm not here to whine, I here trying to figure it out.

Thank you to all of you...

 

[Chance]

I'm treated with amphetamine for about four years now (officially prescribed!) so I thought I'd chime in here. I happen to exist as a miraculous lifeform with the outer appereance of a normal human but inside I'm the combination of Aspie and hypo-active ADD. Talk about the lovechild of a hummingtop and a tornado on too much caffeine, that's how I felt in my head for the past 30 years or so. Prior to medication.
I was offered multiple anti-depressants with no other effect than side effects. Some were scary.
The came Ritalin but I didn't respond to it very well. Tried Equasym, same thing. Luckily, and I mean it, my therapist suggested I try amphetamine. I feel lucky about it because this substance is prescribed very reluctantly here in my country, and you bet that you're one step short of a drug addict if you have amphetamine at home. I also feel lucky about it because it was the first substance that actually freaking did what it was supposed to do: ease my every day life. This was SUCH a relief that I'm still thankful to my therapist.



It's suggested that you take a break from the medication from time to time. That serves two purposes: your body may build up a tolerance against the substance, requiring you to up your dosage in order to achieve an effect, which is not desired. The other one is to give you the chance to re-evaluate yourself. How have you been doing so far with the med, how are you doing without, can you still cope without? There is some withdrawal symptoms, mostly for the first two days. Eating like a horse, being tired all day and vanishing in my inner world, making it complicated to be around other people or interact with them. So I begin withdrawal on a Friday, make sure my fridge is stuffed with all I need so I don't have to leave the house before Monday and it's okay.



Haha, that thought is very familiar to me. Sometimes I ponder what I'd do if the meds weren't available - hide in a dark corner and perish? Truth is that I don't care as long as they ARE available. It's not something I require in life, it's something to improve life.



Been there, thought that... honestly, when I paused the med for the first two or three times, I couldn't bear with myself. Even worse, I started to dislike "real me", the way I am without meds. That was until I got used to my new freedom, allowed myself to slow down and realise that no pill on this planet can ever change who I am. It's not the med which made progress in my life, it was my very self! The med just assisted.
Do I depend on the drug to make me function? I thought so during the first months. Meanwhile I know I can pause it and still be able to go shopping, do my job, talk to another person without my inner world threatening to explode. It's about self esteem I guess, which is why it's imperative that you take things slowly and give yourself LOTS of time to adapt.

About being a drug junkie if you're taking amphetamines... nope, you're not. There's a clear difference between drug use and drug abuse. The latter occurrs when a person intentionally takes a very high dose of a certain substance in order to "overlap" how they would normally feel or act, and in order to feel the effect of the substance coming up like a slap in the face. A user sticks to the prescribed dosage and knows the (rather thin, granted) threshold between "this is how I felt before" and "this is my medication's effect, I found the perfect dosage for me and stick to it".

A word about side effects: I don't have any that would trouble me too much. That was worse with Ritalin where I could barely eat. Seeing that I'm a lightweight person, it was close to dangerous. I make sure that I drink enough during the day (important) and take care of a healthy nutrition.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to talk you into taking meds. It might have a different effect on you and maybe you even dislike it so much that you stop taking it. But if there's a chance to improve your every day life, you should allow yourself to test it and go from there.
Hope that helped a bit. If you have any more questions, just ask.

Thank you very much you make a lot of sense in a place I am deeply struggling... All of you have... : )

 

[Mary Anne]

Deep breaths...for both of us. Wow...your feelings are over whelming for ME to read. I cannot imagine what your day to day struggle is . I just take one day, one hour, even some days Like yesterday) one minute at a time. It’s all I can do. I too, never planned on living past 25. Then age 30 came, and I planned not to live to 40. Whoa...not I am nearly 62 and life is still a real struggle. I celebrate that though, because there are many boring people in their 60s leading extremely boring “retired” lives. Not me.

I am not wasting one nanosecond more on what my parents did or did not do, or what they thought, etc. I survived an extremely abusive childhood. I also certainly do not waste my time or efforts of comparing myself to others, because I am deeply flawed, and see many others with successes that I should have had by now. So I just STOP and I do NOT succumb to these thoughts. I am ME and that’s all I can be, now and for the rest of my life.I cannot change the past- and can only have control over today and the future. Even with that mindset...every day can be a real challenge to navigate!

Change what you can reasonably change, AND learn to accept yourself. I know that is easier said then done. Know that the concept of what a “Normal person” is is a huge falsehood. What exactly is normal? Why on earth would I ever want to become that anyways? I celebrate being uniquely different!

 

[Mary Anne]

I am wondering if I should start a new thread on why many autism forum posters dwell on their childhoods, and upbringing in regards to dealing with their adult lives now. Do you think this is a good idea to create a new post? There are so many different threads where it appears to be obsession along with severe depression, and other unhappiness about the would have, should have, could have scenarios of life being different if only things had been different - different parents, different schools, different whatever! Autism, and several mental illness may indeed be genetic some of the time, or been created by other “things” or issues; but dwelling in that fact as an adult will get one nowhere- at least now without therapuetic professional treatment at some point. What happened in the past cannot be changed. So the only action now is to move forward, get therapy, live in the mindful moment, and practice staying sane!

 

[Mary Anne]

I guess my big worry is I research these drugs, and its a straight up amphetamine... That's just a dark horse to me right up front. I guess I just see it as me being a legal junkie instead of a street thug crack head...
I have some really scary views on meds that are fact based, BUT also based on horrible crap I have read... and a few things I have seen...

Adderall is all new to me... I have never taken it. I feel like a "drug racist" on how awful I seem to look at any form of drug use... But drugs and drug misuse use has a really nasty history in my family, so my bias mostly probably comes from that also. My mom was addicted to some pain pills, she drank, and smoked while pregnant with me... So??? Lots of questions there and there are no good answers. I guess I am a product of drug misuse at some level... ???

I just don't like depending on some drug to make me function. What if I find that I cant function without it? Why cant I function without it? And I do like and understand your Diabetes comparison, but i guess I figure that as a physical condition, and not a mental one (the great divide for me it seems)... So I get all lost there pretty fast...

This is when that cabin in the woods seems like a really good idea... Cut some firewood, collect berries, go fishing, raise a garden, raise some chickens, make some really good old style meals, and just tend to what it takes to live life daily minus all this craziness we tend to love.

1870 in 2018 could be very doable for me (with and advanced flare)... But then I would be seen as the crazy hermit who ran off and hid from LIFE... So, I do this drug dance with the devil, hoping I don't wind up in some place where crack addicts go to get off them. I already am dealing with Xanax and Wellbutrin, two of the greatest nightmares of the pharmaceutical industry... Wow lets add one more... and that makes me feel crazy right there... : (

Maybe my biggest thing is how did people cope in the old days? Did they even have these problems back in the day? If not then why can't we duplicate that today? Were they stronger minded people? They certainly had much harder lives and worked harder than we can even imagine today... See the looping just takes off like a rocket... I could go on and on...
BUT I never get the answer... Just this patch called a drug. UG!

Most people get all happy about some "fix", but not Chance... No, no, no... That's too easy! I have to be all difficult and think stuff into the freaking ground, then dig it back up, shake it to death, and start all over again... The ASD, ADD, OCD "thing" is like running full speed with the brakes on all the way... It's just one thing working against another much of the time, and when people catch on to that... they tend to think ITS WEIRD... And they are right in doing so.

I'm in an obvious head battle lately, but it too will pass and come back some other time in some different situation... that makes me dissect every little piece of it just to confuse myself it seems...

Thank you for your kindness by the way... : )

All these “issues” are felt by millions of people world wide. You are certainly not alone. I say that to negate your feelings, but please understand that ASD, ADD, and OCD are common (though of course, unwelcomed) and people get treatments and survive all the time, all of their lives. Same goes for Bi-ppolar, schizophrenia, anxiety, depression, addictions, etc. I do not think these issues make a flawed person, but makes a more diverse and interesting world! Normalcy is over rated, and extremely boring. I truly believe that!

 

[tducey]

I'm lucky in that I don't take medication for my Autism. The thing I feel about medication is the side effects something can be worse than what you had in the 1st place.

 

[Rayner]

To my understanding why Adderall is prescribed often for ADD/ADHD is that has a well-known track record, it works well for a lot of people who have either ADD/ADHD, it is usually cheaper than other medications for ADHD and is covered by most health insurance providers.

 

[Chance]

Deep breaths...for both of us. Wow...your feelings are over whelming for ME to read. I cannot imagine what your day to day struggle is . I just take one day, one hour, even some days Like yesterday) one minute at a time. It’s all I can do. I too, never planned on living past 25. Then age 30 came, and I planned not to live to 40. Whoa...not I am nearly 62 and life is still a real struggle. I celebrate that though, because there are many boring people in their 60s leading extremely boring “retired” lives. Not me.

I am not wasting one nanosecond more on what my parents did or did not do, or what they thought, etc. I survived an extremely abusive childhood. I also certainly do not waste my time or efforts of comparing myself to others, because I am deeply flawed, and see many others with successes that I should have had by now. So I just STOP and I do NOT succumb to these thoughts. I am ME and that’s all I can be, now and for the rest of my life.I cannot change the past- and can only have control over today and the future. Even with that mindset...every day can be a real challenge to navigate!

Change what you can reasonably change, AND learn to accept yourself. I know that is easier said then done. Know that the concept of what a “Normal person” is is a huge falsehood. What exactly is normal? Why on earth would I ever want to become that anyways? I celebrate being uniquely different!

Thank you for reminding me that others have horrible struggles and they make it through everyday, and some of those people are right here, right now... I have been in this minute by minute battle but its getting better and letting up.

As far as a thread on Abuse that's up to you... I have said about all I want let out about me... It doesn't really fuel my fire, or seem to help me to play that victim and I get very upset at myself when I start feeling like that because it steals what little joy I might can scavenge up.

Some things happened as I growing up that I have never been able to stomach, muchless talk about. People do horrible things to kids, and those days are just as close this minute as they were 30 years ago. Just raw hurt that is really hard to bury at times. However, I too have to move past it somehow and I always do for a while. I did the Therapy thing for a long time and can still call in any time I want...

My escape is my goals and dreams... I have goals so big I don't even want anyone to know about them. I have those dreams because I KNOW deep inside me that is what will move me to a place I will never want to look back, or need to look back... While at the same time financially taking care of all those who told me I was nothing maybe long after I am no longer here.

The best revenge is a kindness that will crush peoples hard hearts... I do have a plan for a very bright future, but it is no easy road to get there... And in that plan is an open door that hopefully will help a lot of people who have been hurt and abused... while showing others what they do to others when they crush peoples spirit into mortal submission. I have a purpose, if not I need to just crawl in the grave now. I never fell for that lie that I was nothing, and that I was some retard, and that is a huge part of the war within me.
Its like I have to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I am not what people have said I am.

I am in a really tough transition in my life and I know that... I have some very tough decisions before me, no support on any decision I make that changes the current parasitic toxic environment that I have to live in until I can find a way out that WILL NOT make a sucky situation even worse... That is the last thing on this planet I want or need right now...

Thank you so much for your words of wisdom...
I do listen and absorb what people give me to learn from. : )

 

[Fitzo]

While I have no knowledge or information about Adderall Chance, I totally sympathise with your reluctance to take it. Especially as you are already taking some other meds. I'm exactly like you in that I have a deep seated distrust of drugs and will usually go to great lengths to avoid them. I have had quite a lot of experience with antidepressants, antianxiolitics and sleep drugs after a lifetime of insomnia, depression and anxiety. If the doctors had their way I would have been on antidepressants permanently for the rest of my life. I found the side effects outweighed the benefits as far as I was concerned, but did find them useful in the short term. (Or maybe it was the placebo effect.... who knows?)
But like you I also struggle to accept that I need some pharmaceutical to get through the day and will always search for alternatives. I also don't believe what doctors tell me as they often mislead or are simply ignorant of all the facts around each drug. Hardly surprising given the sheer number of drugs they have to deal with these days. Sadly, most doctors get their information from the drug reps who are selling them rather than independently, which I also find deeply disturbing! (I have a friend who is a medical practice manager, and this is one of her pet peeves about doctors)
I do take Seroquel which is a mood stabilizer, but mainly because it helps me to sleep. I agreed to try it because the psych told me it was non habit forming which is always a major concern for me. So imagine my horror when I read Mary Anne's account above of weaning herself off Seroquel!
Now I'm freaking out! Since I've been taking it I have been able to have something approximating 'normal' sleep. The thought of withdrawing from it (and getting zero sleep) is nothing less than terrifying! Once again I was led up the garden path by a doctor!
So in your shoes, I would read everything I can find about Adderall and then try it if you find it acceptable. If the benefits outweigh the concerns and the potential side effects, it just might make your life a little easier.
And from what I know about what you're dealing with at the moment, that would have to be a good thing!
Just remember that WHEN your intolerable domestic situation gets sorted, the resulting reduction in stress levels will likely be a game changer on many levels. Then you will be able to review everything you're doing and possibly be able to reduce or discard many of your meds. I'm hoping that day is not too far away.

 

[wight]

to jump back a few posts (just catching up on them all from yesterday)... Chance asked:

Why? Why are so many people (ASD or not) struggling so hard to make it in this reality?

The answer is because that is the human condition. We have these amazing brains and minds that are both our keenest tool and our greatest weakness. We are, as a species, messy and prone to failure and (to use a colloquial) couldn't find our own ass with both hands. Such is the nature of our existence.

So, what do you do? Well, you have basically 2 choices. Decide that nothing matters and fall into nihilism and hatred or Decide that everything matters and try to make yourself and the world a better place. If the latter choice, with all our human failings, means the suffering in the world is only reduced a tiny bit, then the effort was worth-while. Why? Because we can't see what impact we have 2,3,5 people away.

For example, @Chance, your coworker who called you Ferdinand. She sees that you are working mightily. And seeing that, she feels less lost and fearful. She tells a group of friends, over diner, about this amazing guy at work and they tell their friends. So 10 people away from you, someone who is struggling in life and is feeling lost and fearful hears about this guy they don't know and it restores their hope. We just don't know how our actions will impact others.

In case you didn't guess by now, I'm on the "Everything Matters" side of the fence.

 

[Chance]

to jump back a few posts (just catching up on them all from yesterday)... Chance asked:



The answer is because that is the human condition. We have these amazing brains and minds that are both our keenest tool and our greatest weakness. We are, as a species, messy and prone to failure and (to use a colloquial) couldn't find our own ass with both hands. Such is the nature of our existence.

So, what do you do? Well, you have basically 2 choices. Decide that nothing matters and fall into nihilism and hatred or Decide that everything matters and try to make yourself and the world a better place. If the latter choice, with all our human failings, means the suffering in the world is only reduced a tiny bit, then the effort was worth-while. Why? Because we can't see what impact we have 2,3,5 people away.

For example, @Chance, your coworker who called you Ferdinand. She sees that you are working mightily. And seeing that, she feels less lost and fearful. She tells a group of friends, over diner, about this amazing guy at work and they tell their friends. So 10 people away from you, someone who is struggling in life and is feeling lost and fearful hears about this guy they don't know and it restores their hope. We just don't know how our actions will impact others.

In case you didn't guess by now, I'm on the "Everything Matters" side of the fence.

I have no idea of the secrets of the Universe, or basically what the person near me is thinking, or if they are thinking at all...

However I also think EVERYTHING matters, and I think on it way to much it seems... : )

 

[Life of As-pi]

However I also think EVERYTHING matters, and I think on it way to much it seems... : )

While thinking, if done in a productive way, can lead you to new insights, it can also block you. In particular if you ask questions like you did in previous posts here, "why do so many people with ADD etc. struggle so much" or "why do we need meds to cope with this world" - there's no easy answer and you can get carried away easily. What I mean by thinking in a productive way is to ask questions you can actually find a satisfying answer to, or at least a puzzle piece leading you to further insights.
Funny how some people (not you specifically, Chance) overthink things while others don't even waste a single thought about what they do or even about the repercussions of their actions. I do think that's worth a separate thread.