Advice for dealing with someone with autism.

[Fino]

thanks for the reply. i get what you're saying but at the same time, if these 'views' are strictly anti-pc and can be hurtful to other people, is it really so bad that he should try and change them. of course if by 'views' you mean i ask him to change everything about himself, even stuff that is literally his opinions that don't hurt other people (like thoughts on movies, tv shows, music etc.), that would be a problem but i don't do that because that isn't an issue to anyone. i do think i am a bit harsh on him and i am going to try to be more respectful and understanding but if the trust doesn't come back i don't think i can carry on with him as a friend. as for the religion, im gonna leave it vague cus privacy lol.

Not everyone needs to have "PC" opinions, that would be disturbing. If he's Christian, he literally can't on some issues. Current society is way off about many things.

 

[JohnDoeeoDnhoJ]

I guess I don't understand. This relationship does not seem particularly good. Why do you want to keep it? You can always be civil, but why expose yourself to someone you cannot trust?

tbh i don't want to keep it. it causes me stress and frustration but at the same time i wanna be fair to the guy and give him a chance while also keeping my distance. the reason why i asked was to see if what i was doing was right or wrong or if i was being a dick to him in some ways

 

[JohnDoeeoDnhoJ]

Not everyone needs to have "PC" opinions, that would be disturbing. If he's Christian, he literally can't on some issues. Current society is way off about many things.

when you have views based on religion i can understand. but that doesn't mean I'll stick around any longer if its something really bad. in my eyes, a lot of his views are toxic which is why i try to make him understand why they can be hurtful or insensitive. sure not everyone should have pc opinions. but what everyone should have are views that aren't toxic and hurtful. if you wanna know my thoughts on him condesnsed into reasons ive left a reply to zozie that goes into all of this.

 

[Fino]

You sound like an elitist.

 

[Thinx]

You sound like an elitist.

The OP has said he has OCD and is wrestling with the issue. Handing out derogatory labels isn't likely to help him. I don't think the views expressed sound elitist, they sound close to the aspirations of Christianity. It would be great if people had views that aren't toxic and hurtful. Unfortunately it seems like his friend's views are hard for him to listen to without dislike.

 

[JohnDoeeoDnhoJ]

You sound like an elitist.

in what way?

 

[Fino]

You think your views are objectively right and that everyone should conform to them. Your excuse is that you've deemed his views as toxic, thereby giving you the right to "fix" them.

 

[Fino]

The OP has said he has OCD and is wrestling with the issue. Handing out derogatory labels isn't likely to help him. I don't think the views expressed sound elitist, they sound close to the aspirations of Christianity. It would be great if people had views that aren't toxic and hurtful. Unfortunately it seems like his friend's views are hard for him to listen to without dislike.

He stated this in his initial post:

I don't mind how harsh your words are

 

[Thinx]

He stated this in his initial post:

He said 'I don't mind how harsh your words are' in the context of requesting advice. You labelled him as 'an elitist', for objecting to the harsh, homophobic and misogynistic views his friend had expressed.

Perhaps to be fair you should explain to him your own context, which from what you have said on threads here I understand to be that you suffered from depression and after having a healing experience while with a Christian friend, and converting to Christianity, were asked to accept by your Christian friends that being gay was wrong in God's eyes.

I think the relevant context here is that you believe some of the same ideas that this OPs friend believes, and you don't like to hear those views described as toxic. As a gay person, born female, who believes god isn't homophobic, I appreciate that the OP is trying to stand up for people who are disempowered by these kind of views.

 

[JohnDoeeoDnhoJ]

You think your views are objectively right and that everyone should conform to them. Your excuse is that you've deemed his views as toxic, thereby giving you the right to "fix" them.

yh well if you can stick around someone who has indications of being mysogynistic, homophobic and self centered but now claims they have changed even though you don't trust them then good on you. I can't do that, especially since I am bisexual and agnostic and I don't trust him to keep that secret from what happened from before (at the moment anyway, hopefully i can trust him later on). I can fully understand if he doesn't want to change his views because of his religion, I'd probably do the same in his position. but that doesn't mean that I will stay friends with him, not because I'd be bitter about it but because I just can't. I don't mind if you follow your religion's rules to the depths of the earth but you also can't expect everyone to be around you if the rules go against the very thing that they are. and besides, I'm giving him a chance to change later on but if he doesn't then there's not much I can do except cut him off as harsh as that might be.

 

[Fino]

It sounds like your mind is made up. What was this thread for?

 

[Fino]

He said 'I don't mind how harsh your words are' in the context of requesting advice. You labelled him as 'an elitist', for objecting to the harsh, homophobic and misogynistic views his friend had expressed.

Perhaps to be fair you should explain to him your own context, which from what you have said on threads here I understand to be that you suffered from depression and after having a healing experience while with a Christian friend, and converting to Christianity, were asked to accept by your Christian friends that being gay was wrong in God's eyes.

I think the relevant context here is that you believe some of the same ideas that this OPs friend believes, and you don't like to hear those views described as toxic. As a gay person, born female, who believes god isn't homophobic, I appreciate that the OP is trying to stand up for people who are disempowered by these kind of views.

Interestingly, I actually never would have been healed if I were was elitist as OP. Back when I was atheist and actively homosexual, I made friends with Christians who held beliefs that a typical liberal would describe as "homophobic, sexist, and harsh," but I don't believe friends should be chosen based on whether or not I agree with them so this didn't affect our friendships. It's frightening and dystopian to behave as the OP describes. By his standards, I'd have to cut the majority of people out of my life, including nearly everyone on this forum, but not after trying to change all of their incorrect views.

 

[JohnDoeeoDnhoJ]

It sounds like your mind is made up. What was this thread for?

to see if people would agree with me or not and if not, what advice they would give me. a lot of people have asked me to be more understanding and to be open minded, which is advice im taking into account. what I won't do however is to knowingly be friends with someone who i suspect is homophobic and self-centered even if someone on this thread tells me to.