Hi
@Jcopy! Welcome!
So, was it the school, then, that suggested he be tested? Presumably, if it were, then they’re probably going to want to develop an IEP to help him.
My step-son teaches special ed. One thing I will say about that is, at least in his case, his goal is to reform the socially disruptive behavior so that his students will fit in better with their future prospective employment so that they can live life on their own, or with as minimal an amount of support as possible.
My reading, along with the research I’ve read done by the folks here, points to the neurological model as being the best explanation for what autism is. However, the psychological model of autism my step-son takes has caused a great divide between my husband and I, so much so that I cannot talk about the very things he doesn’t like about me because he has determined (based on his son’s estimation) that I do not have autism.
Just because someone’s traits are not as socially noticeable or distracting does not mean that one does not have autism. Despite this, I have had over twenty years of help with my husband filling in for me. Before we go to the doctor’s, I tell him what I want to accomplish there. When the doctor—and it’s every doctor—starts getting frustrated with me (notice how this reply is not short and concise? Picture this length of post happening at a doctor’s office) then he steps in and voila! We’re done. He handles returns for me at the store. Sometimes he will even step in uninvited to my conversations and say, “what she means is--,” and frankly, it’s very helpful. He can get to the point much faster than I can and he does so in a way that puts people at ease. I, on the other hand, have a reputation for arguing because I ask questions.
I am very successful. I hold two master’s degrees and am considering a PhD. I have been married for twenty-plus years, have had two friends for about as long, and I get along well with my co-workers. I do not talk a lot at work, but once a week or so I make sure I ask how this one’s doing or that one. I do have to work at it, though.
Things I have trouble with are following verbal direction without writing down every word spoken. I hear “blahblahblah” and it takes a while for the sounds to make sense—but by then the person speaking to me has spoken several more sentences and I am still trying to decipher what was said. (Meanwhile, they’ve got their head in their hand, shaking it back and forth.) In casual conversation I’m fine, but add some anxiety to it and personally confrontational questioning and I just wish I could leave. But I can’t, so I don’t. I am frequently not believed, second-guessed, told I’m wrong, am accused of not listening or misinterpreting or of not being a good communicator. I had no idea until I started learning about autism that I do not always maintain the eye contact necessary for these things to be accepted at face value.
Thankfully, I have learned over the years how to cope with what people say and I try to extend to them grace. I have taken enough practical communication classes (in business, psychology, and a communications class that emphasized tactics in conversation) that help me to at least show that I expect to be treated respectfully and that my ideas will be heard. Although, I do have tendency of approaching most conversations as if I were going into a verbal war. Oh, sure, I’ll laugh and joke and today I had my boss in stitches—but it is exhausting. My home is very quiet.
I am very sound-sensitive. Our security door at work beeps and hurts my ears every time I have to go through them. I don’t have a solution for that yet. Yet I am very comfortable walking outside with the dog barefoot in the snow & as a child used to go & have snowball fights with my brother wearing nothing but a t-shirt and shorts. So, go figure. Autism is experienced differently by each person—no two experiences will be the same. I hope that what I’ve shared here is encouraging in that your son will find ways to adapt to the people around him and that he can overcome any difficulties he may already be facing.
I’m coming into this discussion from outside of the Autism community. I don’t know the social rules within the community, so I don’t know how what I will say next will be taken. The biggest tip I can think of offering is that you love your son. Whatever you do, do it in love and do it together as a family. What affects him affects you—and vice-versa, how you decide to approach this material (interested and open or anxious and worried) is going to be how he is largely going to approach it as well. At least until he’s old enough to start making his own decisions about it.
Really, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with your son. The problem is with society. I’ve recently befriended a woman who has Asperger’s. When we talk, it’s straight across. We don’t experience those so-called “problems” between ourselves. So a lot of this ‘diagnosis’ depends on perspective and the authority to enforce that perspective. But there is something wrong with a society that no longer takes an active interest in the raising of children. Today people are so afraid to talk to strangers’ kids, but when I was a kid it helped me a lot to hear from strangers or neighbors to do/not do this or that. Maybe if more people were more involved with going through life together, we as a culture wouldn’t find differences to be so much of a ‘problem’.
Good luck to you. Let us know how it goes, okay?
