Aimlessness

[spaceman]

Ahhh that makes sense. I listen to radiohead. They Connect somehow to hitchers. I think a character in a video for paranoid Android was from that. I've never saw it. Though I've heard it mentioned on TV thousands of times....

 

[The Midge]

Well it's new concept to me... slam poetry and I'm doubting I'm going to like what that vogon image is.

But I'm fairly expressive and a home boy musician. (Well I play guitar and like singing)

I'm well up for writing poems.

Vogon Poetry was revealed by Douglas Adams to be the third worst poetry in the universe. Vogon poetry

For more detail on vogons see Vogon

 

[Sabrina]

Your story reminded me of when my second kid was a baby and I had to take care of him almost all day long, having very little time to do anything else. I got depressed, and the doctor prescribed some medication for it, but I never took it.

I also felt that my brain was not working well, and in fact it wasn't, due to exhaustion. I didn't have the will power to do almost anything that wasn't the bare minimum. But I covinced myself that if I could walk inside the house, I could walk outside also. One foot in front the other. So I started walking every day, at the beginning just fifteen minutes, then I added more and more time, until after nine months, when I walked for four hours straight several times. I was fortunate because I had someone that could take care of the baby while I was doing that.

I hope your situation improves. I recomend that you set a small goal, something very basic, like a seed than you will water and see grow to who knows what. Something very little that gives you a sense of accomplishment. And then the rest will follow.

 

[onlything]

I've asked myself some very similar questions. Lately I have turned to poetry as an outlet and have tried, more recently writing a short story but I have found it difficult constantly having to stop to do something and then come back to it. I find it very difficult to start something, to pick it up again. Once I'm dialled in then I can go at things for hours, but the constant stopping and starting stresses me out. Recently I have wondered if I have enough of an imagination for creative writing. When I started to write the short story, I had sketched out a rough outline and it was based on something that had happened to me, and so I had a clear plan but, one and a half paragraphs in, and I was stuck. It was like my brain shut down. Mind you, lately I don't seem to have the energy to complete anything of value. It's like my mind simply slows down, and then stops. As for what I enjoy, I honestly don't know anymore. I haven't found much joy in anything for a long time now. In the past I have had an insane passion for whatever gripped my interest and spent hours organising and cataloguing my activities. I once took up mosaics and created an extensive fact file on the subject over the course of a couple on months yet only made one actual mosaic. That passion seems to have left me. Maybe I am afraid of investing myself into something and then having to stop again or running out of steam. I suppose only time will tell.

And then, nothing. When my major depression hit me, that was the first and the most painful thing that happened. Things I loved, things I would spent days, weeks, months on forgetting to eat, drink, shower - it was gone. Since then there has come this aimlessness you describe. Questions. Without this passion, what is really the point?

On a journey of self-discovery now for the last two years. Bouts of depression, worse or better, with some days of break between them. Trying to find my footing again.

You need some break from your responsibilities. A few days or weeks of rest and definitely more time of caring for yourself, not others. You are burnt out and the reason for it is that, in fact, neglected emotional needs sooner or later rot - and this rotting causes part of you to die. In the end, you break down into pieces you can't recognise anymore. And you can't be rebuilt.

You need to built yourself anew, step by step, small action after small action. It will come in time, maybe not very soon but it will.

The most beautiful feeling I had was doing something and finally enjoy it again - it was like finding a little piece of glass that I recognised. But you need to take care of yourself, listen to yourself, try to understand.

The most important person is you.

 

[texkag]

Well it's new concept to me... slam poetry and I'm doubting I'm going to like what that vogon image is.

But I'm fairly expressive and a home boy musician. (Well I play guitar and like singing)

I'm well up for writing poems.

A well written song definitely approaches poetry. It's no coincidence that some of the best songwriters are also poets, Bob Dylan and Leonard Cohen for example. If your tuned into songs (bad pun intended) then I'm sure that you'll have no problems expressing yourself through poetry.

 

[texkag]

Your story reminded me of when my second kid was a baby and I had to take care of him almost all day long, having very little time to do anything else. I got depressed, and the doctor prescribed some medication for it, but I never took it.

I also felt that my brain was not working well, and in fact it wasn't, due to exhaustion. I didn't have the will power to do almost anything that wasn't the bare minimum. But I covinced myself that if I could walk inside the house, I could walk outside also. One foot in front the other. So I started walking every day, at the beginning just fifteen minutes, then I added more and more time, until after nine months, when I walked for four hours straight several times. I was fortunate because I had someone that could take care of the baby while I was doing that.

I hope your situation improves. I recomend that you set a small goal, something very basic, like a seed than you will water and see grow to who knows what. Something very little that gives you a sense of accomplishment. And then the rest will follow.

Thanks Sabrina. Your approach was spot on. Largely as a result of the wonderful feedback I have had from this understanding Aspie community, I have started an online creative writing course with Futrelearn which is providing small manageable goals that I can pursue at my own pace. If we can manage to arrange an AC poetry slam then that will be another outlet for expression. It should also be fun, I definitely need reminding what that feels like.

 

[texkag]

And then, nothing. When my major depression hit me, that was the first and the most painful thing that happened. Things I loved, things I would spent days, weeks, months on forgetting to eat, drink, shower - it was gone. Since then there has come this aimlessness you describe. Questions. Without this passion, what is really the point?

On a journey of self-discovery now for the last two years. Bouts of depression, worse or better, with some days of break between them. Trying to find my footing again.

You need some break from your responsibilities. A few days or weeks of rest and definitely more time of caring for yourself, not others. You are burnt out and the reason for it is that, in fact, neglected emotional needs sooner or later rot - and this rotting causes part of you to die. In the end, you break down into pieces you can't recognise anymore. And you can't be rebuilt.

You need to built yourself anew, step by step, small action after small action. It will come in time, maybe not very soon but it will.

The most beautiful feeling I had was doing something and finally enjoy it again - it was like finding a little piece of glass that I recognised. But you need to take care of yourself, listen to yourself, try to understand.

The most important person is you.

Thanks, I appreciate that. I am starting to claw my way back. I hope your 'Back in the world' tour is going well!

 

[texkag]

a vogon is a slightly slimmer version of shrek and not as tall and in the hitchikers guide to the galaxy listening to it recite poetry was so boring and depressing it would supposedly kill you

Thanks Streetwise. I hope any of my effort are simply mad and not lethal!.