Alone again at Christmas

[Wolfnox]

I wish I did not do it because it is not how I really feel.

I understand all too well. Feeling that need but, knowing without an emotional connection in the form of love it would be an empty experience.

 

[Shaped01]

I am so lonely. I have no one to talk to, other than shallow talk to the cashier at the grocery store. "How do you like the weather?" types of conversation. I look out the window at the neighbors Christmas lights, watch cars pull up to their houses for visits. But, I know no one is going to call or come see me, because there isn't anyone.

I find I just sit here day in day out waiting for nothing. I want to find a reason to go on living, but everything seems hopeless. I am not suicidal but, I just don't see the point in trying. I have no family, no friends.

I used to enjoy doing construction projects but, I tore out my shoulders a year ago and can no longer lift my arms above my shoulders. I had all sorts of friends when I was physically able to assist them in there projects but once I was of no physical use to them I have been basically ghosted. I went on Disability in 2011 because of my inability to work due to my PDD NOS and other co-morbidities.

Get this I was a Special Ed. ED (emotionally disturbed) teacher in public schools. Did fine with the students and clashed with administrations because they wouldn't follow their own protocols.

I have a type of ASD that I call Larry David Syndrome. If you have watched "Curb Your Enthusiasm" that is me. Except, I am not a wealthy television writer. I am afraid to go anywhere due to getting myself in trouble with my comments. That doesn't mean I am ok with being locked in a room all day everyday though, even though this is self imposed.

I just want to know if there are others out there like me who just don't seem to be able to communicate with the others in this world?

Me too I am alone again for several years in a row. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think people who aren’t open to those who are different in some way can find it hard to understand why someone would be alone. I always worry about this as well, thinking a new potential love interest or sometimes even potential friend would be scared off by how alone I am in life.

If it means anything, I read your post and you sound really cool to me. I would totally love to be your friend. You sound unique and funny and fun and interesting.

 

[Rodafina]

Hello and welcome. I hope you decide to stick around and start to chip away at that lonely feeling as many of us here have been able to do. There are all different types of connections that can reduce loneliness and many of those can occur right here on the forum.

Let us know if you need any help figure things out.

 

[Aspiecats]

Me too I am alone again for several years in a row. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think people who aren’t open to those who are different in some way can find it hard to understand why someone would be alone. I always worry about this as well, thinking a new potential love interest or sometimes even potential friend would be scared off by how alone I am in life.

If it means anything, I read your post and you sound really cool to me. I would totally love to be your friend. You sound unique and funny and fun and interesting.

I am pretty sure I am alone because of my inability to trust anyone. The second I catch someone lying, or cheating I cannot tolerate anything they do or say and will confront them if I think they are being shifty in any way.
At this point I have distanced myself from family and friends and I know that was my choice, but if I can't trust someone to be real what is the point? But, now I look at all of my failed relationships and cannot trust anyone. It is burned into my mind how deceitful humans are, so I have just grouped them all together in a "Danger Zone".
I guess an online friend couldn't be that dangerous though. I have never had an online friend.

 

[Shaped01]

I am pretty sure I am alone because of my inability to trust anyone. The second I catch someone lying, or cheating I cannot tolerate anything they do or say and will confront them if I think they are being shifty in any way.
At this point I have distanced myself from family and friends and I know that was my choice, but if I can't trust someone to be real what is the point? But, now I look at all of my failed relationships and cannot trust anyone. It is burned into my mind how deceitful humans are, so I have just grouped them all together in a "Danger Zone".
I guess an online friend couldn't be that dangerous though. I have never had an online friend.

I understand. I would like to be your online friend. I used to be so anti social in the way you describe, but recently decided to make online friends and it’s been really helpful and positive. Just having people to have basic convos with makes you happier. Do you use discord?

 

[Aspiecats]

I understand. I would like to be your online friend. I used to be so anti social in the way you describe, but recently decided to make online friends and it’s been really helpful and positive. Just having people to have basic convos with makes you happier. Do you use discord?

I don't even know what Discord is. Guessing it is some App. I am almost 63 y/o and have lived in rural MT where even satellite internet is shifty. Just got my first cell phone in 2020.

 

[Shaped01]

I don't even know what Discord is. Guessing it is some App. I am almost 63 y/o and have lived in rural MT where even satellite internet is shifty. Just got my first cell phone in 2020.

Hey Aspiecats
That’s awesome. Anyone can use it. It’s an app for the phone or computer. I use it on my phone. You can just have chats and usually get notifications right away when someone replies to your message.

 

[Aspiecats]

I am having a hard time just figuring out the navigation of this forum. Of course, all of the ad pop ups don't help. I watched the neighboring homes from the window today, seeing all the people getting together was hard. No one even called me to see how I am doing, let alone say Merry Christmas. I think just thinking about how pitiful my life has turned out, is worse than being alone.

 

[Rodafina]

I watched the neighboring homes from the window today, seeing all the people getting together was hard. No one even called me to see how I am doing, let alone say Merry Christmas. I think just thinking about how pitiful my life has turned out, is worse than being alone.

The holidays seem to be very difficult for so many folks. Lots of people here on the forum have expressed either their contempt for or disinterest in things like Christmas and a holiday season. It can really exacerbate what is missing in one's life and it is not joy and merriment for all.

There are many of us here who have experienced either long periods or entire lives full of loneliness, so if it's any consolation, know that you are not alone in your feelings. Sometimes, it can feel like we build our own solitary fortresses around us and then realize that it's awfully quiet in there all alone. And yet, solitude is so safe and comforting, so it can be difficult to stay connected to others when it feels like everyone is a potential for hurt or confusion.

I understand how you are feeling and hope that things can slowly start to change for you. Sometimes, randomly reaching out on a new internet forum you just discovered is the right choice and it can lead to a whole new world, one very small change at a time.

 

[Shaped01]

The holidays seem to be very difficult for so many folks. Lots of people here on the forum have expressed either their contempt for or disinterest in things like Christmas and a holiday season. It can really exacerbate what is missing in one's life and it is not joy and merriment for all.

There are many of us here who have experienced either long periods or entire lives full of loneliness, so if it's any consolation, know that you are not alone in your feelings. Sometimes, it can feel like we build our own solitary fortresses around us and then realize that it's awfully quiet in there all alone. And yet, solitude is so safe and comforting, so it can be difficult to stay connected to others when it feels like everyone is a potential for hurt or confusion.

I understand how you are feeling and hope that things can slowly start to change for you. Sometimes, randomly reaching out on a new internet forum you just discovered is the right choice and it can lead to a whole new world, one very small change at a time.

Well said. Totally agree, one step at a time. Even just having people to chat with online everyday can make a difference. Though we may not be perfect.

 

[Aspiecats]

Thank you, it is reassuring that others experience these same feelings. Although I don't relish the idea that there are humans out there that suffer this, it is reassuring that I am not the only one who sees things so differently. It is so isolating to think I am the only one with all of these social issues and that it is me that is wrong in my thinking.

 

[Shaped01]

Thank you, it is reassuring that others experience these same feelings. Although I don't relish the idea that there are humans out there that suffer this, it is reassuring that I am not the only one who sees things so differently. It is so isolating to think I am the only one with all of these social issues and that it is me that is wrong in my thinking.

How long have you been alone? For me it’s been a few years totally alone but I have a decade or so under my belt of being friendless.

 

[Aspiecats]

Pretty much 2 years now. Had to move away from the few friends I had. Once you are no longer in the area, long distance seems to stop the friendships.

 

[Shaped01]

Pretty much 2 years now. Had to move away from the few friends I had. Once you are no longer in the area, long distance seems to stop the friendships.

Sadly yes it does. I’ve lost a friend before like that. They tried to reach out but I thought I didn’t need them so I stopped responding. That wasn’t right, and now I’m all alone.

 

[Aspiecats]

I am carrying on trying to keep in contact with them but, since I am not around it is months before they respond. Most have moved on to other friends.

 

[Shaped01]

I am carrying on trying to keep in contact with them but, since I am not around it is months before they respond. Most have moved on to other friends.

Honestly don’t give up!