????? Am I Correctly Aiming For Girls In My Own League ????? --Assuming leagues exist--

[Grumpy Cat]

Simple math.

Let's say there are 50% (relatively) muscular people, 40% (ectomorphs) skinny and 10% others.
Now, you have a lot of skinny but muscularly defined people who can still show of with their body preferences.
Therefore, I put you in that 80% of the population.

Excuse me if I'm wrong.


P.S. Being 190 cm - 75 kg is a perfect body measurement. Try having mine 192 cm and 63 kg.

The official term for muscular in 'endomorph' or is it 'mesomorph', yer it's 'mesomorph'. I'm basically 'average' or 'a few extra pounds' so I look big-ish. Wow, I'm 194cm and I'm typically anywhere between 99-105kg.

I didn't even know all these "morphs" existed! I hadn't even heard of the words until now. I tell you, I learn something new every time I come here.

 

[pushpin]

BMI (which I only partly take seriously) suggests I'm almost overweight. The thing surprising most people is my waist size of 40". It's true, but I don't look it. Lightest I've been is 92kg, but all I look like in a photo (taking it back to your original point) is a guy who's not a skinny twig or a fit slim guy. I'm Jeromy Clarkson (well, perhaps a bit less fat) in height, build and almost of weight, but better fitness.

Yes, bmi doesn't really take build or body fat into consideration. Two people can have the same bmi at the same height but also have wildly different bodies (the more muscular one will be smaller, for instance).

It's interesting. I googled my bmi and height in order to find out what sizes are worn by women who are my height and have my bmi (just out of curiousity). The sizes vary by so much! There is so much variety when it comes to the human morphology. It's pretty cool. There really is no standard.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Well, I am going to stir up the pot by saying that there are definitely guys who are out of my league. And it has very little to do with looks.

If you want to be in my league, then you must have comparable education to me. A college degree or some college. High school only may be acceptable if--and only if--you have not ceased your intellectual development since graduation. I want someone I can converse with on my level, not someone I have to talk down to or explain things to. Which leads to:

Being well-read. Being able to converse and understand a wide variety of subjects. Yes, I am asking a lot here and I realize it. But while I may live in a low-income, low-education neighborhood, I travel in many circles that do require a bit of education and intelligence to fit in, and I require that any potential partner be also able to fit in. That means that he needs to know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate behavior in these situations. Trailer park behavior belongs in the trailer park. If that is the only level you can operate on, then you are over your head when it comes to approaching me.

The ability to earn a living by legal means. Being economically self-sufficient. This is a big one for me, because I have been approached by guys who could not afford to take me to McDonalds. I don't care to tie my future to known poverty. I don't care how good-looking your picture is, or what your build is, I am not interested in someone who is looking for a sugar momma. So good financial habits are a must.

Now here is where appearance does make a difference. I want someone who is intimately acquainted with soap and water and a comb. I am not interested in someone who has tattoos scrawled all over their body--and especially if they are prison or gang tattoos. Yes, I know what they look like.

I am also very interested in how you treat others and especially how you deal with conflict, disappointment, change of plans. How you see yourself fitting in the scheme of things. Do you believe men and women are fundamentally equal, or do you believe that men are more equal than women? How do you see decision making in a relationship. What is your parents' marriage like? And yes, what baggage do you have from your childhood and/or past relationships?

I have been out with guys who became angry with me because I did not fit whatever picture they had in their minds. They were not truly attracted to me because of the kind of person I was. I have been told by my female friends that I have a sparkle to my personality, that I have this or that desirable character trait, that I am a good person, a caring person, etc. This is not what the men who seek to go out with me are interested in. The things that my friends consider admirable are actually liabilities. I've been told more than once by men that I scare men away. Somehow they feel intimidated.

All I can say about relationships is that they are complex and require a lot of thought and I have not been able to succeed in them. Because our values and ideas were too mismatched.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I didn't even know all these "morphs" existed! I hadn't even heard of the words until now. I tell you, I learn something new every time I come here.

There are three in one of my art books. Endomorphs have fairly solid, proportional bodies. Ectomorphs (me) are the noodle people that are scrawny little bags of bones with narrow torsos. Mesomorphs are more like broad chested muscly guys.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I didn't even know all these "morphs" existed! I hadn't even heard of the words until now. I tell you, I learn something new every time I come here.

What about the different muscle types; slow twitch, fast twitch and middle twitch?

Well, I am going to stir up the pot by saying that there are definitely guys who are out of my league. And it has very little to do with looks.

If you want to be in my league, then you must have comparable education to me. A college degree or some college. High school only may be acceptable if--and only if--you have not ceased your intellectual development since graduation. I want someone I can converse with on my level, not someone I have to talk down to or explain things to. Which leads to:

Being well-read. Being able to converse and understand a wide variety of subjects. Yes, I am asking a lot here and I realize it. But while I may live in a low-income, low-education neighborhood, I travel in many circles that do require a bit of education and intelligence to fit in, and I require that any potential partner be also able to fit in. That means that he needs to know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate behavior in these situations. Trailer park behavior belongs in the trailer park. If that is the only level you can operate on, then you are over your head when it comes to approaching me.

The ability to earn a living by legal means. Being economically self-sufficient. This is a big one for me, because I have been approached by guys who could not afford to take me to McDonalds. I don't care to tie my future to known poverty. I don't care how good-looking your picture is, or what your build is, I am not interested in someone who is looking for a sugar momma. So good financial habits are a must.

Now here is where appearance does make a difference. I want someone who is intimately acquainted with soap and water and a comb. I am not interested in someone who has tattoos scrawled all over their body--and especially if they are prison or gang tattoos. Yes, I know what they look like.

I am also very interested in how you treat others and especially how you deal with conflict, disappointment, change of plans. How you see yourself fitting in the scheme of things. Do you believe men and women are fundamentally equal, or do you believe that men are more equal than women? How do you see decision making in a relationship. What is your parents' marriage like? And yes, what baggage do you have from your childhood and/or past relationships?

I have been out with guys who became angry with me because I did not fit whatever picture they had in their minds. They were not truly attracted to me because of the kind of person I was. I have been told by my female friends that I have a sparkle to my personality, that I have this or that desirable character trait, that I am a good person, a caring person, etc. This is not what the men who seek to go out with me are interested in. The things that my friends consider admirable are actually liabilities. I've been told more than once by men that I scare men away. Somehow they feel intimidated.

All I can say about relationships is that they are complex and require a lot of thought and I have not been able to succeed in them. Because our values and ideas were too mismatched.

Hmm, I wonder if it's worth me trying to bat in your league lol. Wow...umm....ever heard of 'Sheldon Cooper', you'd both perhaps go along nicely as it sounds like you make your would-be lovers fill out questionnaires or contracts lol. But they are good standards. Using the words 'trail-park' makes me think you're an american (perhaps you can get the accent to emrge in your writing a little lol). I wonder how common/uncommon it is to try approaching women through forums for dates??? You'd probably get a better pic here than todays currently lowsy aspie dating sites...population 10.

 

[Spinning Compass]

Yes, I am American. I understand that in some parts of the world mobile home parks are called caravans.

No, I don't make them fill out questionnaires; it's not necessary. I can pretty much tell whether a guy is in my league just by watching how he interacts with others. Or how he approaches me. Getting stinking drunk and showing up at my house without warning is not a good way to approach me, especially if we work together and you haven't said anything to me there about being interested in going out. And yes, this has happened to me twice. I don't know what they were thinking and I don't think I want to know.

At any rate, I am not looking and have not been for some time. So I am not available. Every time I think about possibly relenting some jerk comes along with wandering hands and spoils it all. I would not make a good partner because I have too much baggage and anger. I'm sorry, but the bad ones have ruined it for the good ones.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Getting stinking drunk and showing up at my house without warning is not a good way to approach me, Every time I think about possibly relenting some jerk comes along with wandering hands and spoils it all.

Lol, I've gotta play that out in my mind with an American accent of course but that sounds funny and yet tragic. Thats kinda what happened on the dating sites, womens trust betrayed and guys like me (good, honest hard-working, caring and reliable one's- tooting my trumpet lol) end up getting sweet F.A all because they've become much more defensive and far less responsive towards me.
To be fair though, American guys in general (though of course it's a bit of a generalization) have a bad reputation for only wanting one thing and just not treating the girls right.

Ooh look at that....0 messages, 0 profile views and thus 0 interest in my POF, okcupid and oasis profile , ok I've not been online but all those somewhat improved messages and here I am, single...still.

 

[Spinning Compass]

It is a big problem, women's trust being betrayed, and I just don't understand why guys let other guys get away with it. Maybe that is what it is going to take, guys like you speaking out against other guys' bad behavior and saying, hey, you are ruining it for the rest of us. But men--and women--tend to treat this as a joke. I remember one club I used to go to for dances. There was a married guy who could not keep his hands to himself. EVERYONE knew it. Of course all the regulars learned to steer clear of Charlie when he was looking for a dance partner but pity the poor woman who just walked in and didn't know what he was like. Warn her? Oh, hell no! It was considered amusing to watch her struggle to get away from him. I quit going because of that.

 

[etbe]

The difference between the women in your first post seems mostly related to the amount of effort they spend on their appearance. If you want to date a woman who spends an hour a day at the gym and a minimum of 45 mins applying make-up before leaving home then that's OK, but you have to be prepared to put in a similar amount of effort (spend lots of time at the gym, buy good clothes, and more). If you like to dress casually and spend less than an hour a day at the gym then aim for women who do the same.

The same goes for education etc. Don't expect that you can get a girlfriend who's put more effort into an area of personal development than you are prepared to put in. You want to date a well educated women? Do some study. You want to date a woman who has a successfull career, then work on your own career.

Give up on meeting women IRL, online dating is the only way to go.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Give up on meeting women IRL, online dating is the only way to go.

'IRL' 'OLD' lol, funny acronyms. Its funny how other people advised the opposite (but most of those were NT's). For me yes it's all down to OLD otherwise I don't have a chance and yes I've developed my personal education, career and appearance (some specifically for OLD) over the past year or more.

 

[micho313]

Spinning Compass, you sound so much like my girlfriend! That's amazing. I have nothing but respect for your criteria.

I am extremely fortunate to have met the woman I am with. She was almost word for word like what Spinning Compass said. She wouldn't choose past relationships solely on their appearance (though the grooming should be within tolerance) and intellectually, this is a high priority as she is High IQ. She dresses down a lot and sometimes will wear clothes from thrift stores, but to go out to special occasion or with certain situations she looks like a goddess. I sometimes feel I'm not really her caliber and get depressed for my baggage etc. But we make it up in other ways. We talk non stop about everything including the meaning of life. I think its important when you attempt to meet or date someone to not put on an uncomfortable act. My GF loves me despite all the eccentricities I am. Sometimes I make her angry, but I try to listen. Sure she might need to repeat something 50 times to me, but I do care and on the 51st time when I actually understand what she is trying to convey, she acknowledges how grateful she is that I'm listening.

That's what its about. I believe Male and Female are equal. Listen. Talk. The right person is the person whom will not judge you. The right person will be someone you feel comfortable with as much as when your isolated. The right person will know not all relationships are perfect all the time. And you too must respect their own individual identity and desires. Don't try to morph that person into something they aren't.

 

[Shiznown]

Okay, I'm going to address your ex-girlfriend. Obviously she has mental problems. I might get flack for saying this, but it's never a good idea to get with a women that did what she did(being a prostitute). I had a lot of the same issues with my ex. One of your main issues with her is, you were "too nice". Women like that are used to guys treating them poorly, so when you're nice to them, they don't know what to do. They make up excuses in their head that you're nice just for your own benefit and then they see you as not being a nice person, because you are nice. It's illogical and ridiculous. Why do you think so many girls stay with jerks? I know a lot of them are afraid to leave, but some of them just subconsciously like being abused, because that's what they're used to and thus comfortable with. I'm not telling you to be a jerk, what I am telling you is to find a girl that doesn't exhibit signs of past abuse. I'm not saying it's their fault for being abused, or it's their fault they have mental disorders; however when you get with a woman like that there is always issues. If you can't handle those issues, just avoid women like that all together.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Okay, I'm going to address your ex-girlfriend. Obviously she has mental problems. I might get flack for saying this, but it's never a good idea to get with a women that did what she did(being a prostitute). I had a lot of the same issues with my ex. One of your main issues with her is, you were "too nice". Women like that are used to guys treating them poorly, so when you're nice to them, they don't know what to do. They make up excuses in their head that you're nice just for your own benefit and then they see you as not being a nice person, because you are nice. It's illogical and ridiculous. Why do you think so many girls stay with jerks? I know a lot of them are afraid to leave, but some of them just subconsciously like being abused, because that's what they're used to and thus comfortable with. I'm not telling you to be a jerk, what I am telling you is to find a girl that doesn't exhibit signs of past abuse. I'm not saying it's their fault for being abused, or it's their fault they have mental disorders; however when you get with a woman like that there is always issues. If you can't handle those issues, just avoid women like that all together.

I'm amazed that after it's warranty period this thread still gets the odd response or two. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) I acknowledged that in my desperation to get a girlfriend, I settled for someone I didn't even find attractive and should've avoided. All your other advice would be great I'm sure, if I didn't have the ongoing habit of attracting girls I view as unattractive (she was one of those really, so technically I feel like I never really had a gf, sex and all the rest).

It's infuriating how you see genuinely nice girls (who probably haven't even been abused) taking **** from their boyfriend who doesn't do intentionally sometimes or even realize that he needs to change or comfort her. I'm stuck on the outside of this though, being shunned and rejected.

Oh and your signature would look even better if before his name you added 'hasta la vista baby' lol.

 

[pushpin]

It's infuriating how you see genuinely nice girls (who probably haven't even been abused) taking **** from their boyfriend who doesn't do intentionally sometimes or even realize that he needs to change or comfort her. I'm stuck on the outside of this though, being shunned and rejected.

This goes for guys also. I have seen really great guys being consistently mocked and mistreated by their girlfriends. I think for many people, they'd rather settle for someone who doesn't deserve or suit them rather than deal with being alone as the future is unpredictable, and one can never know exactly how long that alone period will last.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

This goes for guys also. I have seen really great guys being consistently mocked and mistreated by their girlfriends. I think for many people, they'd rather settle for someone who doesn't deserve or suit them rather than deal with being alone as the future is unpredictable, and one can never know exactly how long that alone period will last.

I'll be happy just to be 'that guy' treated well or badly, but by someone I actually like. Not had that chance really.
Oh your smiley personal profile pic's gone huh? Why you even on here now, celebrate new years.

 

[pushpin]

I'll be happy just to be 'that guy' treated well or badly, but by someone I actually like. Not had that chance really.
Oh your smiley personal profile pic's gone huh? Why you even on here now, celebrate new years.

Hmm, I think the women you spoke of earlier would say the same, and that's why they are in subpar relationships. Choosing to be in a relationship due to desperation is asking for only trouble, in my opinion.

And yeah, I don't care much for this celebration. It's just another day. I also make goals regularly, so I have no need for the New Year goal tradition.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Hmm, I think the women you spoke of earlier would say the same, and that's why they are in subpar relationships. Choosing to be in a relationship due to desperation is asking for only trouble, in my opinion.

And yeah, I don't care much for this celebration. It's just another day. I also make goals regularly, so I have no need for the New Year goal tradition.

If this celebration wasn't ruined by some of my family being ill, I'd have been celebrating too'. Where's your new years spirit huh??

 

[pushpin]

If this celebration wasn't ruined by some of my family being ill, I'd have been celebrating too'. Where's your new years spirit huh??

I've honestly never had it lol. Though I really enjoy wishing others a Happy New Year as it tends to make them happy. So, a Happy New Year to you!

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

In the words of scrooge- 'bah humbug'!!