Am I over reacting?

[ZebraAutismo]

Context I’m 24 year old woman who goes to a Neurodivergent specialist college. I have a number of health issues.

I was using my hot water bottle to help with pain from constipation. I get to the end of the day to be asking why I’m using it by TA, stop to process info. She then asks is it period . I say no. She tells me I need to tell her way so she can log it on the system and tell other staff members. I tell her to shut her up and point out their is no one here I feel comfortable telling.

Am I wrong for feeling like this is invasive questioning? I feel like no none disabled person would be asked this and then have it put on record.

 

[Levitator]

I understand how you feel. I will sometimes refer to related problems as "...stomach issues", and that is generally enough for people, but since they seem to want to know for medical purposes, in your case, that may or may not satisfy them.

 

[tree]

@ZebraAutismo

You actually told her "shut up?"
Because you're not comfortable telling anybody what's going on with your body?

Disclosing the information that you are experiencing pain from
constipation would be useful. Constipation might be impacted
bowel. And that is a serious condition.

If the standard procedure is to note health conditions of students,
it seems like the follow up question would be asked of any one,
disabled or not.

 

[Levitator]

@ZebraAutismo

You actually told her "shut up?"
Because you're not comfortable telling anybody what's going on with your body?

Disclosing the information that you are experiencing pain from
constipation would be useful. Constipation might be impacted
bowel. And that is a serious condition.

If the standard procedure is to note health conditions of students,
it seems like the follow up question would be asked of any one,
disabled or not.

She said she told them "to shut them up", not that she said it that way.

 

[tree]

She said she told them "to shut them up", not that she said it that way.

Maybe.

Since neither you or I were there,
I will wait to see how @ZebraAutismo
says the conversation went.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

@ZebraAutismo

You actually told her "shut up?"
Because you're not comfortable telling anybody what's going on with your body?

Disclosing the information that you are experiencing pain from
constipation would be useful. Constipation might be impacted
bowel. And that is a serious condition.

If the standard procedure is to note health conditions of students,
it seems like the follow up question would be asked of any one,
disabled or not.

I didn’t tell her to shut up. I said I was constipated so she would shut up.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

What

Maybe.

Since neither you or I were there,
I will wait to see how @ZebraAutismo
says the conversation went.

conversation went
“What’s the hot water bottle for”. Ta
Pause because I struggle to process speech
“Pain” me
“Period?” Ta
“No”
Pause.
“Well you need to say why so I can put it in notes so other staff know”.

Other piece of info I forgot to add was this was in a classroom (in a corner but not private by any means), I would have felt happy to discuss in private.

Also to add I’ve been to the GP about it yesterday which management up staff were aware off.

 

[tree]

Also to add I’ve been to the GP about it yesterday which management up staff were aware off.

So maybe you were thinking that somebody higher up, her supervisor, possibly
would already be aware of the situation? And that additional inquiry was intrusive
and un-necessary?

 

[Misty Avich]

Why does the rest of the staff need to know?

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Why does the rest of the staff need to know?

My thoughts too

 

[Masked Man]

My thoughts too

So the staff knows why you're using it. If this is potentially for medical information, everyone needs to be aware of it, especially that it's nothing potentially serious.

As Tree mentioned, holding a hot water bottle to your abdomen signals that the person may have pain in the abdomen. Period pain is usually not serious. A blocked bowel is. If staff is responsible for you, they need to know this. It's nothing to be embarassed about.

Management might know about it - but I can tell you from my experience in working in a medical office - that message does not always reach those below management.

 

[Hypnalis]

Correct action, imperfect technique.

When someone asks for too much information, start by saying something like "That's private". You can go with "Sorry, that's private", but see "JADE" below.

The "... tell other staff" comment may be true, but that doesn't imply unlimited access is permitted. Even if they were told that by their boss, it doesn't mean you have to obey.

If you're not sure of your rights, but feel uncomfortable, always open with a polite refusal. This is because people with a small amount of authority usually (90% +) casually overstep their authority if it's convenient for them.
Make them prove (not just claim) that they're acting legally and reasonably, but don't ask for that if you can avoid it. Briefly (zero extra information) refuse and wait.

Note that there are exceptions. For example people in prison or undergoing medical treatment have slightly different rights to personal autonomy than others. But educational institutions can't take away your rights. Their only "power" is to restrict access to their services or kick a student out of the school. And even those aren't unconditional.

So work on your assertiveness skills. In particular, work on saying no politely but firmly.

Note that "Don't JADE" always applies in cases like this. it's not just for narcs:

Don't:
* Justify
* Argue
* Defend
* Explain

Each of those put you on the defensive - they'll question the validity of your response, and if they win a "point" in that barely relevant discussion, they'll treat it as though the core issue has been resolved in their favor.

The fake "Sorry" is cheap, and harder to turn against you If someone tries (it happens), say it was just politeness, not an admission of guilt. (really - flipping a polite faux-apology is rude, so you don't have to be polite when responding).

 

[Misty Avich]

I wouldn't want all the staff knowing I was constipated either. I'd just tell the manager so that they're aware, and for sake of confidentiality the manager could just tell other staff that you have a hot water bottle for medical reasons that could be serious (but probably not).

 

[Rodafina]

@ZebraAutismo

I think the basic concept of having some limits on what you are willing to share with others is healthy and it is important to learn. In some cases, it is also important to disclose personal information because it ultimately benefits you. In the scenario you described, I think it's okay to ask questions if you are feeling uncomfortable.

It sounds like the program you are in offers some unique support and it may be helpful to the staff there to know the details of what you are dealing with and your reasons for using the hot water bottle. It is very likely that your information will be treated in a professional way among staff and they are not gathering the information to be nosy, ridicule you, or hurt you in any way.

Am I wrong for feeling like this is invasive questioning?

You are not wrong for having feelings and a reaction to this situation. But, it may be helpful to understand this feeling and see if it may be causing you act in a way that isn't helpful for you.

 

[Tom]

It might be part of their job to record medical issues.

But I definitely think that all such interactions should be done in privacy. That's common decency and should be a no-brainer in my opinion.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

It might be part of their job to record medical issues.

But I definitely think that all such interactions should be done in privacy. That's common decency and should be a no-brainer in my opinion.

Thanks. I’ve relised it was the lack of privacy making me uncomfortable rather then the question it self.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

@ZebraAutismo

I think the basic concept of having some limits on what you are willing to share with others is healthy and it is important to learn. In some cases, it is also important to disclose personal information because it ultimately benefits you. In the scenario you described, I think it's okay to ask questions if you are feeling uncomfortable.

It sounds like the program you are in offers some unique support and it may be helpful to the staff there to know the details of what you are dealing with and your reasons for using the hot water bottle. It is very likely that your information will be treated in a professional way among staff and they are not gathering the information to be nosy, ridicule you, or hurt you in any way.


You are not wrong for having feelings and a reaction to this situation. But, it may be helpful to understand this feeling and see if it may be causing you act in a way that isn't helpful for you.

For context it’s a specilist college college working with neurodivergent students supporting social and emotional issues which helping them receive “normal” academic teaching. I feel like the staff are well trained in autism and anxity but less trained in physical medical issues and how they should be handle (well at least some of them)

 

[Misty Avich]

Thanks. I’ve relised it was the lack of privacy making me uncomfortable rather then the question it self.

That's understandable and is what I felt from reading your OP.

 

[Judge]

For context it’s a specialist college college working with neurodivergent students supporting social and emotional issues which helping them receive “normal” academic teaching. I feel like the staff are well trained in autism and anxiety but less trained in physical medical issues and how they should be handle (well at least some of them)

Professional educators having lesser standards to contend with relative to liability as opposed to a medical professional.

The question I have is whether or not THEY were "overstepping" their liability exposure.

All educators must share an expectation of care, custody and control concerns to all students. That's a given. But for them to go beyond that relative to one's condition medically speaking might be potentially precarious for them in terms of civil legal concerns.

As a former liability underwriter, frankly this makes me cringe a bit. Unless of course the person in question has both academic and formal medical training, apart from the appropriate liability coverage their employer should be carrying.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Professional educators having lesser standards to contend with relative to liability as opposed to a medical professional.

The question I have is whether or not THEY were "overstepping" their liability exposure.

All educators must share an expectation of care, custody and control concerns to all students. That's a given. But for them to go beyond that relative to one's condition medically speaking might be potentially precarious for them in terms of civil legal concerns.

As a former liability underwriter, frankly this makes me cringe a bit. Unless of course the person in question has both academic and formal medical training, apart from the appropriate liability coverage their employer should be carrying.

Very well put. Thankyou for this comment