Am I overreacting?

[All-Rounder]

It looks like you have misplaced anger, sorry. I stand by my words.

It seems to me you are talking about BPD as someone who has dated a BPD woman. In that case there might be issues with your perception being affected by your past frustration. In that case, you are accusing her of your own apparent issue.

 

[Juliettaa]

Sorry. He is not the problem either, as we do not know who is the problem based on one post that gives one side to the story. Both have conditions. Borderline Personality is a severe condition, that will always affect the other partner adversely too. Both likely have contributed to the relationship problems, and both likely are being hurt by the other. As soon as both persons admit that, then perhaps things will get better. When one side wants the other to change, and if the other acts like they are the only victim, it is best then to call it quits.

In response to you quoting my post and then stating he is not the problem; as per usual internet forum protocol, my post was based on what the OP posted. I read what the OP had written about her version of events, her experiences and I posted on the basis of that.

Look, you are entitled to your opinion, just as others are too. You are not going to change my rational opinions and beliefs. I am not naive that there are two sides to this story. I dated someone with Borderline Personality. I left her within days. She was a control freak, played victim every day and twisted the facts, and was very negative daily. I am not saying the op is, as everyone with conditions can be different, and with different abilities. What I am saying is you have no proof he is the problem, as you are not there.

No one is trying to change your 'rational opinions or beliefs', you're entitled to your opinion just as others are theirs. Your post however gives the appearance that you believe you're rational and others are not.

Of course there are two sides to the story, I'm not naive either, but we've only been given one side. The OP's. And responses have been given on that basis.

The fact that you dated someone with borderline personality disorder gives the appearance that you are projecting your own experiences onto the OP's partner who you appear to be viewing as a victim.

I did not respond to the OP's partner as he wasn't the one who came to this forum. I responded to the OP. In my view that does not make me irrational.

 

[Kalinychta]

He doesn’t want you. Face it. He needs to face it, too, before you guys waste any more time together. Change is hard for autistic people—this may be why he hasn’t ended the relationship. Sooner or later he will, though. As soon as he finds someone else, he’ll cheat on you (if he hasn’t already) and then he’ll boot you out the door. So, get off your knees now and get the heck out of there.

(P.S. to the men on this forum: my advice would be the same if the OP were a man talking about his girlfriend.)

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

In response to you quoting my post and then stating he is not the problem; as per usual internet forum protocol, my post was based on what the OP posted. I read what the OP had written about her version of events, her experiences and I posted on the basis of that.




No one is trying to change your 'rational opinions or beliefs', you're entitled to your opinion just as others are theirs. Your post however gives the appearance that you believe you're rational and others are not.

Of course there are two sides to the story, I'm not naive either, but we've only been given one side. The OP's. And responses have been given on that basis.

The fact that you dated someone with borderline personality disorder gives the appearance that you are projecting your own experiences onto the OP's partner who you appear to be viewing as a victim.

I did not respond to the OP's partner as he wasn't the one who came to this forum. I responded to the OP. In my view that does not make me irrational.

Thanks for your reply. I already replied to most of these issues, so I will not elaborate more, as it would be repetitive. I will though address the irrational issue. I just have one question for you. Do you think physical abuse against males is funny? If so, why?

The reason I ask is because you were one of the five women who apparently think it is funny. Even if that bf criticized his gf, the op, that does not justify ANY physical abuse. To laugh at such not only encourages her to do such, but it implies women have rights to do such.

It also implies that men who are being physically abused should remain silent as there is no harm in women doing such if they are mad. Now, I can bet that if the roles were reversed and she criticized him, and someone suggested he give her a black eye, you would not be laughing.

That would show irrationality, a belief one side is allowed to abuse, not the other. Again, no criticism justifies any such abuse. Find me a law to support such irrational theory.

Now, as a person who was physically abused growing up, and for every other person here who was such too, that laughter could have been triggering, to see such joking about physical abuse. No criticism justifies physical abuse. I do not expect any of you to admit wrong.

Whenever I am wrong, I will admit so. In this case, I feel there was quick prejudgment that the guy was only at fault. Just because the op did not mention any wrongs she did, it is irrational to assume he is only at fault, when she has a condition considered severe in nature too.

That was my point. For those who disagree with this, I am not sure what to say, other than you are entitled to your opinions. But, where I will say you did wrong, was making fun of a guy if he were to receive a black eye. That is where I strongly differ from those others.

Let me also then ask that follow-up question. Would you five have laughed if someone had said, “Maybe he should give her a black eye (if he had said she was the one actually criticizing him? “ I will await your reply.

 

[Kalinychta]

Thanks for your reply. I already replied to most of these issues, so I will not elaborate more, as it would be repetitive. I will though address the irrational issue. I just have one question for you. Do you think physical abuse against males is funny? If so, why?

The reason I ask is because you were one of the five women who apparently think it is funny. Even if that bf criticized his gf, the op, that does not justify ANY physical abuse. To laugh at such not only encourages her to do such, but it implies women have rights to do such.

It also implies that men who are being physically abused should remain silent as there is no harm in women doing such if they are mad. Now, I can bet that if the roles were reversed and she criticized him, and someone suggested he give her a black eye, you would not be laughing.

That would show irrationality, a belief one side is allowed to abuse, not the other. Again, no criticism justifies any such abuse. Find me a law to support such irrational theory.

Now, as a person who was physically abused growing up, and for every other person here who was such too, that laughter could have been triggering, to see such joking about physical abuse. No criticism justifies physical abuse. I do not expect any of you to admit wrong.

Whenever I am wrong, I will admit so. In this case, I feel there was quick prejudgment that the guy was only at fault. Just because the op did not mention any wrongs she did, it is irrational to assume he is only at fault, when she has a condition considered severe in nature too.

That was my point. For those who disagree with this, I am not sure what to say, other than you are entitled to your opinions. But, where I will say you did wrong, was making fun of a guy if he were to receive a black eye. That is where I strongly differ from those others.

Let me also then ask that follow-up question. Would you five have laughed if someone had said, “Maybe he should give her a black eye (if he had said she was the one actually criticizing him? “ I will await your reply.

You haven’t actually replied to any of Rexi’s counterarguments. You just keep saying that you’re entitled to your opinion and you stand by your words. And now you’re going off about one post (which was posted by a man, by the way). But it is true that violence isn’t funny. I guess when you’re a woman it’s “funny” in an unfunny way, because nine times out of ten it’s we who end up with the black eye in these situations. But yeah, we shouldn’t be joking about it. I’ll remove my “funny” vote.

Maybe we should redirect to the actual topic of the thread, though. We’re getting off topic.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

You haven’t actually replied to any of Rexi’s counterarguments. You just keep saying that you’re entitled to your opinion and you stand by your words. And now you’re going off about one post (which was posted by a man, by the way). But it is true that violence isn’t funny. I guess when you’re a woman it’s “funny” in an unfunny way, because nine times out of ten it’s we who end up with the black eye in these situations. But yeah, we shouldn’t be joking about it. I’ll remove my “funny” vote.

Maybe we should redirect to the actual topic of the thread, though. We’re getting off topic.

Thanks for your suggestion, but I always reply to posts as I see fit here. There is nothing for me to say, about that, as I posted everything I wanted to say. Thanks for admitting you were wrong , as I do not think you would want two guys joking about abusing a woman. That attitude only encourages males to do such too, as guys may model what they see, or internalize anger at women who think abuse against men is funny or should be allowed. This is why many men men do not take abuse against women seriously, as the abuses against them as males, are hidden or minimized. Thanks again!

 

[Kalinychta]

Thanks for your suggestion, but I always reply to posts as I see fit here. There is nothing for me to say, about that, as I posted everything I wanted to say. Thanks for admitting you were wrong , as I do not think you would want two guys joking about abusing a woman. That attitude only encourages males to do such too, as guys may model what they see, or internalize anger at women who think abuse against men is funny or should be allowed. This is why many men men do not take abuse against women seriously, as the abuses against them as males, are hidden or minimized. Thanks again!

Talk about justifying violence. Your post makes explicit excuses for male violence and blames it on women. Nice. I hope the OP isn’t taking your posts to heart. And in response to an earlier post of yours, telling your partner that she looks like a big black bowling ball is not “honest,” as you said—it’s cruel, disrespectful, and immature. It’s emotional abuse. The OP should not tolerate her boyfriend’s behavior. Her self-esteem is clearly dropping because of it.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Talk about justifying violence. Your post makes explicit excuses for male violence and blames it on women. Nice. I hope the OP isn’t taking your posts to heart. And in response to an earlier post of yours, telling your partner that she looks like a big black bowling ball is not “honest,” as you said—it’s cruel, disrespectful, and immature. It’s emotional abuse. The OP should not tolerate her boyfriend’s behavior. Her self-esteem is clearly dropping because of it.

Yes, women are part of the problem regarding abuse. If you cannot admit that, you are part of the problem. Abuse and tolerating abuse causes abuse. So, whenever women abuse males, denies males as being abused, jokes about it, does not receive punishment for abuses, they are causing abuses. That is a fact. If you cannot admit that, that is your issue.

 

[Kalinychta]

Yes, women are part of the problem regarding abuse. If you cannot admit that, you are part of the problem. Abuse and tolerating abuse causes abuse. So, whenever women abuse. males, denies males as being abused, jokes about it, does not receive punishment for abuses, they are causing abuses. That is a fact. If you cannot admit that, that is your issue.

Gotcha. I’ll spread the word to my female friends that when a man abuses a woman, it’s actually partly her own fault, because some random women somewhere in the world don’t take abuse against men seriously.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Gotcha. I’ll spread the word to my female friends that if a man abuses a woman, it’s actually partly her own fault, because some random women somewhere in the world don’t take abuse against men seriously.

Nice try to shift your tolerance for abuse of males to me. It was you and the others laughing about a male being abused. I never laughed about a man or woman being abused. I simply state the truth that both men and women are abusers, and enablers, and each is responsible for abuses. Try spinning that.

 

[All-Rounder]

And now we're all triggered. This is war between genders! But I must say, the moment you become three times a woman you start becomming a little bit of a man. I hereby challenge all the men [including wo-men] to a fight to blow off steam. A dance!
Find the first music video in your Youtube suggestions and start kicking!

 

[Kalinychta]

And now we're all triggered. This is war between genders! But I must say, the moment you become three times a woman you start becomming a little bit of a man. I hereby challenge all the men [including wo-men] to a fight to blow off steam. A dance!
Find the first music video in your Youtube suggestions and start kicking!

Haha! Yes! I’m listening to Tori Amos now, per your suggestion!

I’ve been thinking about the OP throughout the day. I just feel so bad for her. I was in a similar relationship once. The guy made rude comments and put-downs to me all the time about all kinds of things. We finally split after he beat me up one evening. Fun stuff. I just hope CDD realizes that she deserves better.

 

[Juliettaa]

Thanks for your reply. I already replied to most of these issues, so I will not elaborate more, as it would be repetitive. I will though address the irrational issue. I just have one question for you. Do you think physical abuse against males is funny? If so, why?

Answer - NO

The reason I ask is because you were one of the five women who apparently think it is funny. Even if that bf criticized his gf, the op, that does not justify ANY physical abuse. To laugh at such not only encourages her to do such, but it implies women have rights to do such.

What I find really interesting is that you are quick to note the that five women found something funny yet to fail to address the originator of the joke. A male.

It also implies that men who are being physically abused should remain silent as there is no harm in women doing such if they are mad. Now, I can bet that if the roles were reversed and she criticized him, and someone suggested he give her a black eye, you would not be laughing.

In your opinion the implication is there. However, I implied nothing.

That would show irrationality, a belief one side is allowed to abuse, not the other. Again, no criticism justifies any such abuse. Find me a law to support such irrational theory.

?

Now, as a person who was physically abused growing up, and for every other person here who was such too, that laughter could have been triggering, to see such joking about physical abuse. No criticism justifies physical abuse. I do not expect any of you to admit wrong.

There are so many triggers on ALL forums.

Whenever I am wrong, I will admit so. In this case, I feel there was quick prejudgment that the guy was only at fault. Just because the op did not mention any wrongs she did, it is irrational to assume he is only at fault, when she has a condition considered severe in nature too.

As stated in my previous post, I replied to the OP. I did not factor in her partner as he had not posted. The OP posted. She got a response. Period.

That was my point. For those who disagree with this, I am not sure what to say, other than you are entitled to your opinions. But, where I will say you did wrong, was making fun of a guy if he were to receive a black eye. That is where I strongly differ from those others.

Yes, we are all entitled to our opinions yet by the very nature and tone of your posts, it would appear that you believe that your opinion is the right opinion and that anyone else who dares to laugh at something, a joke made by a male, laughed at by 5 females ( females who for all we know could be male as there's a huge assumption that our sex is as stated on our profile and/or that a user name of female origin means someone must be female and not a male adopting a female name).

Let me also then ask that follow-up question. Would you five have laughed if someone had said, “Maybe he should give her a black eye (if he had said she was the one actually criticizing him? “ I will await your reply.

I am one of five. I cannot answer for everyone. In the context of how the original post was written and the subsequent joke from a member who is known for displaying a sense of humour to most of his posts, then yes, perhaps I would have laughed/found it amusing. Just because this particular male member made a joke and I found that joke funny does not demonstrate that I condone violence - against anyone.


Finally, I go back to an earlier point about it being interesting that you berate the five females who found something funny, yet to fail to address the male who made the joke.

Actually, you did quote the male poster on 7 December, but for some reason you deleted your post where you stated:

And if she did that I would call the police, and have her locked up. That would be funnier

Interesting.

 

[Thinx]

I can see people have been triggered but compare to some of the issues of violence rape and murder dealt out to women and men and to people of all genders, and please stop arguing.

People getting ratty with each other on threads puts others off contributing, maybe you could give yourselves a bit of time to think before responding?

To the OP, In my experience, both people working on themselves helps relationships, so if you are not yet ready to give up on this, you doing some therapy or other work on yourself may help, because the more secure and happy you are in terms of your self esteem and feelings of self worth, the easier it is to relate to others and to make decisions that are healthy for yourself.