Am I relatable? I’m in need of understanding

[Suzette]

I do find it somewhat interesting that I have never considered giving myself any options whilst I’m in a state of anxiety followed by social interaction. My fight or flight responses go numb and I feel submissive to please others. I wear my heart on my sleeve way too much, and consequently, it’s led me to be the victim of emotionally abusive relationships. And I never learn from this behaviour either.

Oh, but you did learn from your behavior. Otherwise you couldn't even articulate how you feel in those moments.

I think recognizing your ability to be self analytical is a big step in the right direction. So many people never even realize they can look at themselves critically. And if you can look at yourself critically, you can devise a strategy for anything.

My own strategy is to limit myself to 1-2 hours. That way I don't get too tired and overwhelmed. Then I can retreat knowing I have left on a good impression and look at the event without too much emotional thinking.

 

[Booknerd515]

You're a bit relatable to me since I often have constant suicidal ideation though I hate pain so I don't do anything about it. I feel anxiety most of the time due to what's most likely undiagnosed PTSD from always feeling fear and having flashbacks. My bad thoughts got to a point that they caused me to black out sometimes so I was told I developed split personalities earlier this year that I don't see or hear and they're all nice luckily (they're fictional characters). I never experienced bullying but I was assaulted when younger and for years I thought it was a bad nightmare that my memory blocked out the majority of because I was never even told that could happen to someone until I was in high school so I thought it was 'normal' and didn't know how to word what happened. Your negative work-related feelings really seem like the ones I get from OCD tendencies-if I don't do enough of a certain hobby for a day, I won't get a bit of anxiety relief.

I'm also an extreme introvert so my only friends are online ones and I've never had a friend in real life because I don't need one. I prefer typing to talking. My upbringing was semi-strict, others have told me it could be emotional abuse though I'm not really sure since it's the only thing I've ever really known. If I was naturally submissive, I wouldn't even have online friends because I had to force myself at a point to get another form of communication because I knew something wasn't right. I was also never really told about anything lgbt+ apart from basic things even though for years my parents knew I had male interests and I liked far more male than female things-I also wore plain clothing-and I thought I was nearly going crazy until I realized what gender dysphoria was by doing online research and talking to a friend. Since then my parents have been a bit untrustworthy of my friends, because before I talked to them I was straight and now I'm not but it's not their fault. I do hope things get better for you, your life seems really rough. You don't need an autism diagnosis to be autistic, I was diagnosed in later grade school so doctors and teachers could know. Masking my symptoms has also happened to me when in social situations-my alters do it too, to the point where others will think they're just talking to me because they literally know everything about me to the point where they can imitate how I sound and move but around my family they act differently. Feel free to talk to any of us about this more in depth should you want to.

 

[Streetwise]

Trigger warning !Start taking multivitamins, that will ease some of the nervousness and talk to members publically! as you'll have more support than just one or two,try gradual desensitisation, if!? you can see a clinical psychologist who specialises in phobias as hyperventilation is not fun, whatever you are sensitised to you gradually! stay with it more and more but !gradually! what you are doing is called flooding ,you are literally flooding your system with adrenaline , if for instance! this is just an example arachnids frighten you ,you would look at a still picture of an arachnid from a distance and as you stop hyperventilating get gradually closer to it, repeat the steps with a video of a moving arachnid, then !when you stop hyperventilating, from seeing a video of a moving arachnid, if and when you go to see one in real life ,take somebody with you ,again gradually getting closer to it, this way you sensitise yourself that it is normal and not a source of danger.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! Hopefully you find some answers and useful information, no matter how you wish to proceed

 

[QuestJan]

I’m overanalysing every single thing

Outside of some very familiar interactions, we have a hard time analyzing social situations in real time. It is like we are always taking a test. Some of the tests, like a job interview, decide the rest of our lives.

Each culture (family, work, school) has a given a script full of 'invisible social rules'. But the autistic's script has been cut into paper snowflakes and such. We are trying to read it and follow it, but pieces are missing. So we have to overanalyse every single thing just to get through an average day with the public.

It's exhausting!

 

[Skittlebisquit]

I just wanted to clarify. Self diagnosis of autism is pretty common here. Getting a formal diagnosis as an adult is difficult, expensive and of little value to me.
CBA, and all that. I doubt I would seek a formal diagnosis.

What might qualify me for disability would be the many other mental health problems I seem to have. But I dont want the label attached to me.

It seems that there is some overlap between ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and schizophrenia or schizotypal issues.

Sadly there is a common practice of a diagnosis being just guesswork and a patient getting prescribed really powerful drugs by a provider to just see what happens. Seriously. They just guess and then try stuff and see if it makes you feel better.

So both ASD and schizophrenia are diagnosed with the same tools. There is no blood test, observation and interviews are the tools used. That makes diagnosis someone's informed opinion.

Anyways.....
For the panic and anxiety issues there are real tools that can help! Lots of them. The boundary issue conversation is really important too. There are alot of caring and generous people here who have experiences to share and insights as well

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Welcome