Am I the Only One Who's NEVER Had Meltdowns or Shutdowns?

[Autisticool]

Why does every autistic person who posts or writes ANYWHERE say they have meltdowns or shutdowns? I've never had any. My vivid, detailed memories of childhood exclude meltdowns and shutdowns. Do I go off on people? Yes. But this isn't a meltdown. Do I get really mad, maybe slug a wall and cuss? Yes, but that's not a meltdown.

The only time I ever lost control and was screaming and crying was at age 3 or 4, when I heard loud machinery down the street. I couldn't make sense of it, found it terrifying, and screamed and cried while banging on the porch door to be let into the house.

I know, I know, "If you met one autistic you've met one autistic." But it seems I'M the only one free of meltdowns---not because I've learned to control them, but because I'VE NEVER HAD ANY (except at age 3 or 4, and just that one time).

 

[Gerontius]

Not all the meltdown situations are peculiarly dramatic, and a shutdown often looks more like "autistic.exe has stopped working."

And punching a wall would be classified as a meltdown at best. Unless you're the plasterer/drywall guy in which case it is job security!

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I losed control of myself once, when I was young. Since that day It never happened again. I dont drink coffe or alcohol, dont put myself in situations that may be risky for my selfcontrol, pay attention to rest and eat properly.

So I dont have meltdowns either.

On the other hand im not sure if I have enougth autism traits to be considered in the spectrum.

 

[Tom]

Meltdowns and Shutdowns are well attested to but not yet studied well in autism. You can find much commentary on it, but little hard scientific data. One line of reasoning/speculation I found interesting is while both NTs and ASD folks can experience them, the reasons behind and what is controlling them is different. Guesswork entirely on my part, but I'd suspect with ASD it is less voluntary and more a systematic response. Like a computer thats shuts down when it senses temperature above a certain limit.

 

[Suzette]

"Going off on people" and punching walls is simply allowing your overwhelming feelings of anger to control your behavior. Are you aware of your anger when these episodes occur, or do you just erupt seemingly "out of the blue"?

If I have a melt down what happens is little pressures and upsets that I haven't aknowledged causes a feeling of presure that I am only aware of in hind sight. That pressure simply needs to come out. I don't punch walls but I do cry and and feel confused.

Honestly, to me, we react differently, but I can't say your rage is really very different.

 

[StrayCat]

I don't have them because when I feel I'm in danger, my "fawn or flee" mode turns on, so I just flee when stress becomes too much.

I'm actually surprised how others here manage to be so macho, pushing soo hard soo much that they do get into meltdown? Is this pride that is pushing people to the brink of meltdown?

 

[Autisticool]

Here's better context, the more I think about this. First of all, I'm female, and I palm-heel walls, not punch (punching could damage joints). I've also kicked walls.

It's not often I go off on people, but the last time I did so, I anticipated I'd do so because I knew ahead of time I'd be talking to a jerk who, previously, had given me sub-par service in his position with the company that was building my new house. I called it "Alpha mode" and, over the phone, went grizzly on him (in person it would've been WORSE. I would've been literally in his face, eyes glaring into his).

I can think of two other instances (there might be more) of going off on someone in person, but they reciprocated: a shouting match. I just can't see these as meltdowns.

Every once in a while I'll FEEL like throwing things around the house and just going bonkers. But I don't, and it's easy to refrain from doing it. But for a few seconds the feeling IS there. Then I imagine I acted out and that the entire living room is trashed with broken things, things I smashed against the wall, chairs thrown, etc. For several seconds I imagine this happened. Then I return to normal and just get on with things. My heart wasn't racing. I wasn't trembling. These were just fleeting thoughts.

I'm wondering if these were "almost meltdowns" that were circumvented by not having "enough autistic meltdown wiring" for these thought processes to unfold long enough to be physically acted out.

Even the highest-functioning autistics say they have meltdowns, including a man who runs a tax prep company.

 

[StrayCat]

I thought I was stupid and difficult and too weak to deal with things without breaking down, so I pushed myself harder.

Heh, this is funny, way before knowing what autism even is, as a kid, I've been very much aware that I am "too weak to deal with things", since even parents were complaining that I tend to let others take advantage of me. But I never even thought about pushing myself harder, I just tried to avoid troubles, and focus on my strengths, because it sounded perfectly logical to me.

But apparently for normal humans, "pushing harder" is the more logical thing to do whenever they feel they are "weaker" than norm? I wonder how do we arrive at so completely different conclusions?

 

[StrayCat]

It makes sense, if something is difficult you try harder.

Hmm, guess I prefer "try smarter", but I'm just simple cat, not fancy human.

edit:
oh, just noticed your edit, yeah, that makes sense, you are competitive, while I'm not. Guess humans are naturally competitive?

 

[Au Naturel]

Why does every autistic person who posts or writes ANYWHERE say they have meltdowns or shutdowns? I've never had any. My vivid, detailed memories of childhood exclude meltdowns and shutdowns. Do I go off on people? Yes. But this isn't a meltdown. Do I get really mad, maybe slug a wall and cuss? Yes, but that's not a meltdown.

The only time I ever lost control and was screaming and crying was at age 3 or 4, when I heard loud machinery down the street. I couldn't make sense of it, found it terrifying, and screamed and cried while banging on the porch door to be let into the house.

I know, I know, "If you met one autistic you've met one autistic." But it seems I'M the only one free of meltdowns---not because I've learned to control them, but because I'VE NEVER HAD ANY (except at age 3 or 4, and just that one time).

You're not alone. I don't do meltdowns or shutdowns. I have gotten so depressed I could barely respond but there's never anything dramatic about it. I think the meltdowns get a lot of play because they are so dramatic. and gabs NTs attention.

 

[aspie1w]

Sorry for my lack of experience but what is exactly an meltdown and a shutdown? I tend to believe that never had any but may I get wrong about since never got the right definition of what is exactly

 

[Fino]

I always thought that most don't have them. It's not like people would be announcing that they don't have them very often. Talking about having them makes more sense, typically.

 

[Raggamuffin]

From what I read of meltdowns and shutdowns they seemed a little too black and white for me. I have times when I need more "me time", but I've always been quite a reclusive individual, so it doesn't really feel as dramatic as saying that I've shut down. I can still do day to day tasks etc, although probably with a lot less focus and attention etc. A bit like how I've heard stories of people being bedridden with depression. Even at my lowest ebbs, I know that I have stuff to do each day, so I always did my best to push on through and get something done.

As for meltdowns? I can quickly see when my behaviour is causing a tense atmosphere. As a kid, when I threw a tantrum I'd get a smack, so I learned quickly not to express myself in that manner. Plus, according to my therapist my parents regularly gaslight me when I try and make a point which still happens quite frequently to this day. Repeatedly telling me there's "no need to shout" when I never felt like I was shouting in the first place. Yet I hear my folks daily getting stressed with one another, the slightest thing changes the atmosphere in the room, I feel the tension, and I hear how they're angry with one another, but again, not shouting. It's like they're talking in a strained/shouting tone, but in a hushed way.

Mind you, I'm the same in that regard, seemingly trivial things suddenly make me feel tense, so I might respond with a certain "tone" but being told to stop being angry is literally throwing fuel onto a fire. Don't poke the bear.

But when you're told not to shout, or be angry - when you're simply saying something that's on your mind isn't a good feeling. In fact, I feel like a switch has been flicked inside and I do get overwhelmed by anger - but is that a meltdown? No, because I don't show much externally. There might be a change in facial expression, but as with lots of socially masking, I try and subdue it to continue to pretend to be normal and unphased. If I was having a meltdown I'd imagine I'd shout, scream, hit stuff etc. But who does that? I'm 35, approaching 36. That's not suitable behaviour for a toddler, let alone an adult.

In my late teens and early 20's I used to punch a cupboard door in my bedroom. The door ended up fairly dented, but thankfully I didn't end up breaking any bones etc. After I did punch said door I was flooded with embarrassment for what I'd done. It never left me feeling good, and whilst it might've expelled some frustration in that moment, I then loaded up with artificial guilt etc. which just weighed me down.

A guy I used to speak to would still punch and hit things, then brag to me about it, which I found odd behaviour. He was in his 30's, so this confused me even more. He also had a very short temper, but he didn't mask. He'd shout and scream, and swear. He trolled a lot too, but when people stood up for themselves, he'd be the one to get overly emotional, lose it - then block people etc. I just did my usual Fawn Response, and so I always managed to keep the peace with him, and I think he liked me a lot. But I get that quite a bit - I think people like me a lot more than I like them. Which makes me feel a little broken tbh.

He had a lot of issues, and was on a lot of medication. I saw how his outbursts ended up ruining his 4K TV, and also how he broke his hand after punching a wall. He took a selfie of him grinning, with his hand all mangled and saying that he'd best go to hospital.

His behaviour and attitude was rather draining, and in the end I had to ban him from our Discord group, and I blocked him across all gaming/social media platforms, as I found his energy to be far too intense. Shame really, as when we joked about and had a laugh in one to one conversations - he felt like a true friend. But he had a very dark and chaotic side to him. His meltdowns were literal, and they truly unnerved me.

Ed

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

For me all my outbursts were from anger and frustration that I had kept bottling up inside my head, mostly because of the bullying, because I was always being told that I was in the wrong if I tried to complain about it and no one listened to me and then everyone acts so surprised when I finally snap and do something so out of character for me such as me literally dragging a bully to the principal’s office and refusing to let go of him until we got there and then blocked the door to make sure he couldn’t leave until the principal saw us. And I still got blamed for my reaction anyway.

The shutdowns happened only when I was completely overwhelmed mentally and my brain was too confuse to know what to do next and I need to stop in order to get my brain working again. This typically happened during tests and thing is all the teachers and that awful school psychologist that wrote that horrible assessment of me full of lies and inaccuracies all called me “lazy” for it and not understanding why I refused to continue with the test for several minutes. I never did well under pressure to begin with and math tests were pretty bad because the word problems always created major confusion and seeing a bunch of numbers and symbols in an equation all looked like a huge jumbled mess that I couldn’t fully understand.

 

[Autisticool]

To Ed, it's obvious your internal turmoil was propogated by the tension/stress/turmoil going on between your parents and also from parent to you. You got struck for having a tantrum. Though this made you stop, you also learned something from it: When the going gets tough, get hot-tempered--after all, Mum and Dad do, so it must be okay.

My understanding of the autistic meltdown is that the person is totally out of control, and the meltdown takes over. When an NT goes ballistic, they can switch it off in an instant, e.g., "Okay, okay, you'll get your refund," and then the bear-behavior instantly ceases.

I read of an autitic woman who had a meltdown after looking for her misplaced reading glasses for 30 minutes. She said it took her several hours to recover. THAT'S what I mean, as opposed to the NT-type of acting-out which, usually, is simply a proportionate response to being stiffed by assholes.

 

[Au Naturel]

It is quite common for children to go into meltdown mode when they are tired but do not want to be put to bed. Much screaming and crying until sleep manages to overtake them. Both my children had this and now my granddaughter.

 

[Captain Jigglypuff]

My meltdowns after I hit puberty were all stress and frustration based. I had learned to control the urge to get really upset if I couldn’t have or do something that I really really wanted but I didn’t really know how to handle my stress or frustration. I just kept it inside with no way of vent it and eventually someone or something really pushed me over the edge. And even though these types of outbursts were pretty bad, they actually didn’t happen nearly as much as the school psychologist had said. I might have yelled at some kids to leave me alone often but I wasn’t screaming at the top of my lungs and actively trying to hit them because I couldn’t handle them making me angry.

 

[Ken]

Why does every autistic person who posts or writes ANYWHERE say they have meltdowns or shutdowns? I've never had any. My vivid, detailed memories of childhood exclude meltdowns and shutdowns. Do I go off on people? Yes. But this isn't a meltdown. Do I get really mad, maybe slug a wall and cuss? Yes, but that's not a meltdown.

The only time I ever lost control and was screaming and crying was at age 3 or 4, when I heard loud machinery down the street. I couldn't make sense of it, found it terrifying, and screamed and cried while banging on the porch door to be let into the house.

I know, I know, "If you met one autistic you've met one autistic." But it seems I'M the only one free of meltdowns---not because I've learned to control them, but because I'VE NEVER HAD ANY (except at age 3 or 4, and just that one time).

Early after my diagnosis, I thought the same thing. But, as I have been studying, reading posts and reading and observing other autistic experiences and especially with learning about non-autistic traits, I realize that I do have meltdown and shutdowns. I just thought my experiences were normal across the human species. I also did not recognized or connect my experience with the typical descriptions. I never have what could be called a "tantrum". My meltdowns never include random flapping or flailing of hands, arms, yelling or anything like that. It is all completely internal. I often, almost every day, have a lockup. That is where I am doing something, following my mental sequence for the task and suddenly someone injects a question, or added task or even just showing up will crash my mental sequence. That puts my metal state in a lost loop trying to regain the sequence. It is far worse if another task is injected, leaving me with colliding tasks and I'm frantically trying to figure out which corrupted sequence to follow. In that state, I look like I'm just calmly pausing, but internally I'm in a five-alarm condition. I used to think this was normal for everyone, thus was not a "symptom" of anything. The lockup may be for a few milliseconds or a few minutes.

When I was younger, I would react with a gasp anytime I realized another person just walked up behind me. The gasp was like one most people would do upon discovering a rattlesnake at their feet. I used to get teased for that. Eventually, I learned how to suppress the gasp, but I can't prevent the "lockup".

I notice that most everyone else (non-autistics) never miss a beat when interrupted or even when a new task is injected. I always wondered how can they do that?

I'm not suggesting this is your experience. I'm just pointing out that I also thought I never had autistic meltdowns or lockups. Perhaps my experiences are not really autistic, but I'm convinced they are. It fits with the focused one-track-mind trait.

 

[StrayCat]

I often, almost every day, have a lockup. That is where I am doing something, following my mental sequence for the task and suddenly someone injects a question, or added task or even just showing up will crash my mental sequence.

Ah, yep, makes sense, that I can certainly have.

How I cope with that is to never do anything hard/important when I'm around humans... That way if someone injects something, I can instantly switch to it, because "I wasn't doing anything anyway"

 

[Mr Alligator]

I’m not sure if I’ve had meltdowns or shutdowns either.

certainly had some angry outbursts and some quickly exit the situations too (flight vs fight)

maybe some of that is conditioning as said above - having behaviour corrected all the time, rather than the environment etc corrected.

I tend to just work too hard and get close to burnout - come crashing down when I have some time off.