Anxiety towards other sex!

[Ylva]

The "thing" about girls: they spend their whole lives under extreme social pressure to comply with contradictory expectations.
Now put yourself in those shoes.

 

[Sander]

The "thing" about girls: they spend their whole lives under extreme social pressure to comply with contradictory expectations.
Now put yourself in those shoes.

I'm sorry, but are you angry at me or something? because I don't know what to feel with this post.
What I feel right now is that you say that I shouldn't be a wussy and stop whining. Am I right or totally wrong?
I don't mean to offend you in any way, but this is how your post feels to me.

 

[Evy the Owl]

I'm sorry, but are you angry at me or something? because I don't know what to feel with this post.
What I feel right now is that you say that I shouldn't be a wussy and stop whining. Am I right or totally wrong?
I don't mean to offend you in any way, but this is how your post feels to me.

Don't worry about it man, I don't think you're whining.

 

[Ylva]

I'm sorry, but are you angry at me or something? because I don't know what to feel with this post.
What I feel right now is that you say that I shouldn't be a wussy and stop whining. Am I right or totally wrong?
I don't mean to offend you in any way, but this is how your post feels to me.

Having reread my post I have absolutely no idea how you got that from it. I meant to explain why the girls you seem so confounded by might be having a hard time being themselves. If you don't want to put yourself in their shoes, fine, I don't care.
Or maybe you *are* a girl and your complaint was about boys. I would say their shoes are easier to put on. No idea how to help you with your problem in that case, though.

 

[Sander]

Having reread my post I have absolutely no idea how you got that from it. I meant to explain why the girls you seem so confounded by might be having a hard time being themselves. If you don't want to put yourself in their shoes, fine, I don't care.
Or maybe you *are* a girl and your complaint was about boys. I would say their shoes are easier to put on. No idea how to help you with your problem in that case, though.

I'm sorry Ylva, I don't know where I was with my head when I was writing that reaction, reading back your post it sure makes sense.
Again I'm sorry about that.

 

[ImAnAspie]

This only happens with girls around my age.

get an older girlfriend

 

[Ste11aeres]

Strangely enough, my recent accident has put me in a mindset where I like other people, including the other sex (at least judging from my feelings about all those cute guys working at the hospital.)

 

[AsIstAga]

Strangely enough, my recent accident has put me in a mindset where I like other people, including the other sex (at least judging from my feelings about all those cute guys working at the hospital.)

My issue seems to normally be something like, if I can make the right words make sense..? So, l love women. The shape, the smell, the feel [but this one can get tricky, I have to be in the best state of mind for some of the major touchy stuff to happen] sensitive on my sides and inner thighs! But that's maybe TMI!?, Sry!] oh ears, forgot them! Some areas get a stronger over active nerve endings..kind of like an insane tickle!? I've asked former attempts at relationship females to stop this (in the moment, interrupting the flow - so to speak) and they start to think I'm making it up (after we break up one told me) "probably you're just gay and don't like being touched by a girl!? Probably deep down you feel disgusted to be with me intimately!"
Not kidding! I'm open minded, I have no issue with the idea or the people who choose/were born to live that life, it's their own path to walk... Just like any of us! We have paths as Aspies, then we find our very own quiet spot to sit and experience the nature around us! Ohhhh I hope there's a waterfall!!! so then I say things like that that sound perfect to me but anyone else (guy or girl) if they are a big enough jerk would yell F*G! (Tried to keep this as respectful to as many as possible!!)

 

[AsIstAga]

This video seems related to dealing with opposite sex issues!
http://vevo.ly/tvflRr

 

[AsIstAga]

This basically describes all of my past love interest or relationship....
I'm watching Out Of Mind by Tove Lo on Vevo for iPhone
http://vevo.ly/fbqoXV
If I can learn guitar (one of my "goals" for some day) I'd like to do a male version...!?

 

[Elsbett]

In my situation, my marriage just ended, so I'm not emotionally available by any means, but for future reference, I'm curious--why do you wish he could tell you what he needs and how he needs it? What need of yours is that? I'm only asking because I honestly don't know, and I'm interested in learning!

Sorry for my delay in getting back to you. I hadn’t forgotten your question, I just needed some time to think about it. I hope I have understood it correctly. Here’s my first attempt in answering to you.

Aspies are often described as “not able to imagine others’ thoughts” or “not able to figure out others’ intentions”. As a consequence we’re led to believe that people who are not on the spectrum “are able to imagine others thoughts” and “are able to figure out other people’s intentions”. This might often be true, but it isn’t when people who are NOT on the spectrum are required to understand Aspies.

NTs and people not on the spectrum become sort of Aspies themselves in front of people on the spectrum.
This is quite interesting. Especially in couples, where there’s no “standard group” or a majority reference group.
Both partners find themselves in the position of “not being able to figure out the other”.

This is why I wish he could tell me what he needs.
I am sure he has needs he can fulfil alone or whithout me. Knowing what they are would allow me not to panic and not to blame him of neglection. For example, if he wants to spend time apart to pursue his interests.

But I am also aware he has needs who can’t be fulfilled alone, things he would like to do with me, but he doesn’t feel confident enough to let me know. He still wishes that I will figure out those needs without his help and, as a consequence, provide what he needs, when he needs it. Unfortunately I am not able to do this. The time I guessed it right was either because I had been lucky or because my proactive actions proved to him that sometimes new experiences can be very exciting.

After that I have been trying to reproduce what worked in the first place as a routine, or “our routine”, but it still involves a quite short list of activities and I would like to expand it. We have things in common we haven’t explored yet and I’m also more than willing to develop interest in his special interests. My mind is super-flexible when it comes to learn (and obsess about) new things.

If he can’t be proactive, and prefers to follow my lead, at least I need him to help me understand what he needs. Sometimes I have the impression he‘s even upset with me when I don’t take the initiative in trying to guess his needs (that include me). But I too am scared of rejection and making mistakes. It’s never easy to venture and risk to let him down.

To sum it up: more information would make me feel safer in being proactive.

 

[Daniel]

But I am also aware he has needs who can’t be fulfilled alone, things he would like to do with me, but he doesn’t feel confident enough to let me know. He still wishes that I will figure out those needs without his help and, as a consequence, provide what he needs, when he needs it. Unfortunately I am not able to do this. The time I guessed it right was either because I had been lucky or because my proactive actions proved to him that sometimes new experiences can be very exciting.

After that I have been trying to reproduce what worked in the first place as a routine, or “our routine”, but it still involves a quite short list of activities and I would like to expand it. We have things in common we haven’t explored yet and I’m also more than willing to develop interest in his special interests. My mind is super-flexible when it comes to learn (and obsess about) new things.

If he can’t be proactive, and prefers to follow my lead, at least I need him to help me understand what he needs. Sometimes I have the impression he‘s even upset with me when I don’t take the initiative in trying to guess his needs (that include me). But I too am scared of rejection and making mistakes. It’s never easy to venture and risk to let him down.

To sum it up: more information would make me feel safer in being proactive.

Cool... that answers my question completely! Thank you for taking the time to prepare a thoughtful response.

I wish I had some practical suggestion for you, but I don't feel like I do right now. I've just had an eleven-year relationship end, and what I just realized was that I didn't have any sense of myself outside of the relationship.

I also just realized I have an opportunity now to figure myself out, and it's got to be outside of a relationship. If I have anxiety towards the other sex, it's probably because I don't really know myself that well!

 

[Nanda]

And even now I'm having trouble with the fact I couldn't kiss her.

Oh dude, so sorry to hear that. But you have to think: A step at the time. Works for me prepare me mentally for what can happens and then make some strategies to cope with the possible things that can happens, this can slow down the anxiety a bit and make things more predictable.
I can relate to the internal feelings that freeze us inside and later we keep thinking "why i couldn't, why i didn't. Why?!?"
Just know that stay always in our comfort zones can make us miss important things, believe me, i know that very well.

 

[LittleFiddle05]

Haven't read all the responses so sorry if this is now a bit off-topic...

I have the opposite problem. I cannot handle female friends. I'm trying desperately, but it just always feels frantic and artificial and forced. It's like I know it would be better for me if I had female friends, but I don't actually manage to get past the anxiety enough to enjoy them. With guys, however, everything tends to feel much more natural. Every truly close friend I've had (not that there have been many of those...) has been male. Only trouble is if they then want a romantic relationship, at which point everything inevitably falls apart...

 

[AsIstAga]

A bit of related humor===>
Big Bang Theory

Sheldon - "Everyone has a date. Even you Mario...chasing after Princess Peach! And what am I doing!? I'm just enabling you..."

Anyone else relate?