Any way I can be a happier person?

[Tony Ramirez]

I really try. Even doing yoga but with single woman hating me. Really they do, just read my post history I am tired of typing it again. It just feels like I am getting the bumb rush. My so called married friend said too me this morning it's currently unlikely I will ever have a girlfriend.

I want to be a positive person but I just can't seem to be happy anymore when now I don't even know if I have friends or not.

 

[kenaij]

That is a very difficult question to answer. Especially since I do not know you personally.
First, that is a pretty poor thing to say by a friend. Assuming that is the exact way he/she said it and the meaning was not lost in translation.

I have read some of your posts back and I think it is not the right conclusion to think single woman (at yoga) hate you. The following is full of assumptions. But generally Yoga is not an activity most men do. So there is a good chance the women in the class. Especially the ones that are not very confident. Might assume you are only there to look at women and to hook up with women. And not to work out and get healthier. So they might be scared of by you approaching them. And that has nothing to do with how nice a person you actually are. Or what your intentions are when approaching them. Especially in this day and age when most men are portrayed as monsters that take advantage of women with their toxic masculinity and all that stuff.

Aside from doing yoga, what are any of your other hobbies?

Generally when you goal is to meet women when you go someplace it just won`t work out. For various reasons. Not just because you are you. I might have been a little younger but for years I had tried to hook up with girls/women. And it never worked out. Wherever I went with the intention of maybe finding someone it just didn't work out. When I actually did meet someone I had no intention of even becoming friends with her. She was just there and we started talking naturally because I just so happen the be the same age as her.

All this of course does not give you a direct answer to be happier. But trying to get another focus (that is why I asked for other hobbies besides Yoga) instead of the focus of not having a girlfriend might help to at least get you a little less unhappy.

We have had some things in the past on these forums so please let me clarify. No I did not mention my situation from the past to throw it in your face. I did not pick this profile picture to throw it in anyone's face. And nothing I said was to hurt you, belittle you are make you feel even worse. Please keep that in mind.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Feels that way. I know you did not indirectly but I heard the same dribble from plenty of married men and I am always known as the predator whenever I try new things. Why do I even bother to post here? Also, I find it annoying when people say how they meet their spouse by chance yet when I try things, I am the predator and the bad guy. But taken women will only talk to me and married men will hang out with me in the park to console me. Now you wonder why I watch adult content. I pay for two sites. I also recently paid for two clips and paid for an onlyfans page.

 

[Dagan]

I am personally training myself to focus more on the possibility of succeeding and beating the challenges that fears put on me. I feel like having this mindset alone is likely more attractive to a single lady, as well. Women seem to prefer confidence (not cocky arrogance, mind you)....a guy that isn't showing signs of being defeated...a guy that looks and acts positive...a guy that isn't afraid of challenges...a guy (and again, I know it's easier said that actually done) that doesn't let or at least doesn't reflect that any kind of a rejection has gotten him down.

I just know where I was in life two or so years ago, and seeing what I have achieved to date, I'm actually rather shocked because I was full of a ton of doubts. So, in cliche' fashion...yeah...if I can do such things....I have no choice but to think that you can, too. I feel like others can do even better, actually. Maybe, even make it more fun and start doing a video blog / diary of it all. I mean, people out there do blogs about way, way less important and in no way inspiring things. It would be better to have one that actually does inspire folks.

I wish you all of the strength and positive thinking that I know it is going to take for you to attack this challenge.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Tony Ramirez

You've never previously indicated that you're searching for happiness.
It's a good objective, but hard to quantify, and hard to plan for.

"Happier" would be easy for you, and it would be a good start. But you have to take the first steps.

 

[Judge]

Even doing yoga but with single woman hating me.

You've limited yourself to what I would consider "losing propositions" when it comes to places to meet women. Both yoga classes and church seem like a similar cliche in this regard. Bad idea, with any number of single but vigilant women scornfully spotting your real intentions. Then consider the number of women in such pursuits who really only want to do yoga or worship God. Where they may see you only as an obstacle.

Don't give up just because you picked two of the wrong venues to meet women. Do some research and consider something more suitable and transparent when it comes to socialization. Maybe even broaden your interests in the process. Find something light-hearted to share that isn't so intense.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Like what else.

 

[Magna]

One thing that really has helped me over time is when I do exercise for at least 45 minutes straight. After that duration apparently your body releases a lot of endorphins and makes you happy. People who run for 45 minutes or longer call is a "runner's high". It's real. Of course you don't have to run to get that. Other exercise, even low impact work. It's about the time and having your heart rate elevate for that length of time.

That's a natural way to boost mood without drugs, pharmaceutical or otherwise.

 

[Judge]

Like what else.

That's for you to decide. After all, who knows you better than yourself? But this time find something light and fun...where socialization is part of the process rather than a potential impediment.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

That's for you to decide. After all, who knows you better than yourself? But this time find something light and fun...where socialization is part of the process rather than a potential impediment.

Tried a social park event last month. Was totally ignored and I even tried to approach people.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/terrible-social-experience-last-night.45851/

 

[Hypnalis]

@Tony Ramirez

I've seen a lot of posts giving you advice since I first joined here. And approximately the same number of rejections from you.

I've seen perhaps two posts from you that indicated you might be able to move forward.

One described a casual social contact you made at yoga.
The second was this one where you seemed for a moment to be looking at a more realistic objective. But it doesn't seem to be leading anywhere new after all.

 

[Judge]

Tried a social park event last month. Was totally ignored and I even tried to approach people.

https://www.autismforums.com/threads/terrible-social-experience-last-night.45851/

In all my life I've never been to a park alone, let alone in search of meeting a stranger.

To me a park is just another venue primarily associated with friends and family. Picnics, enjoying nature, outdoor events, whatever. But where most everyone shows up in groups. Not by themselves.

You need to work the problem....find something where you can capitalize on one-to-one socialization, rather than be a "third-wheel". And don't fixate only on one thing. You may have to try many before getting any real results.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Again I'm the predator.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

In all my life I've never been to a park alone, let alone in search of meeting a stranger.

To me a park is just another venue primarily associated with friends and family. Picnics, enjoying nature, outdoor events, whatever. But where most everyone shows up in groups. Not by themselves.

You need to work the problem....find something where you can capitalize on one-to-one socialization, rather than be a "third-wheel". And don't fixate only on one thing. You may have to try many before getting any real results.

Of 7 couples from my outings group who moved up here to retire and enjoy the outdoors, 5 couples (including me) met our spouses during active outings.

 

[Judge]

Of 7 couples from my outings group who moved up here to retire and enjoy the outdoors, 5 couples (including me) met our spouses during active outings.

But did they all show up alone to begin with, or come in groups or nature clubs - with friends or relatives ?

I just can't imagine hanging around a park by myself...but as part of a group- any group I can see how it might work for some.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

But did they all show up alone to begin with, or come in groups or nature clubs - with friends or relatives ?

I just can't imagine hanging around a park by myself...but as part of a group- any group I can see how it might work for some.

We all joined individually. I met my spouse when I called her after receiving contact info from a Sierra Club trip leader suggesting that outing participants car pool. I had no hope of it going anywhere because we were 300 miles apart and it would just be a short road trip. I was in her neck of the woods doing some fossil collecting.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I thought this post was about me not how I meet my spouse post.

 

[Cryptid]

People can never be happy as long as they are centered on themselves.

"I want . . .", "I need . . .", "I deserve . . .", "I . . .", "I . . .", "I . . ." -- if a person's thoughts and words involve these and similar statements, then they are focused solely on what they lack, rather than what they have and can contribute.

And contributing to society is what provides the greatest satisfaction.

What skills and talents do you have that others find useful or entertaining? Are these skills and talents rare or commonplace? Are they even in demand?

I learned to play flute and violin. While not concert quality, the music I play (for free) is welcome -- and even requested -- at social gatherings among the people I know. Sometimes, I'll be noodling around with music in my backyard, a neighbor or two will show up with their instruments, and an impromptu party is begun! This makes me happy.

Granted, when it gets too crowded and noisy, I might call a halt; but my neighbors are used to that.

So, offer your skills and talents to the community, or just display them where others can see them. Sooner or later, someone may show interest.

 

[Rodafina]

Why do I even bother to post here?

You must be getting something out of posting here. Could you say a little more about what kind of forum support helps you? What sort of messages/advice have you heard here that have been motivating and uplifting to you?

I'm sorry you are feeling so frustrated. I know that things can feel bleak when it seems like change will never come.

 

[kenaij]

Since pretty much every piece of advice is thrown in the wind, either right away or after 1 single try, I think I have a very good idea of what kind of forum help Tony would like. And here it is.

*Tony, go to the end of your street in 2 days at exactly 2pm. We will have your future girlfriend waiting for you. She will be carrying a white rose. If you approach her by saying 'Hi' she will fall for you right away and from that moment on you will be eternally happy.*

I know this is useless. But there are plenty of people who have suggested looking for other things that can make Tony happy besides finding a woman. He does not seem to want to listen to that and is so fixated on a potential girlfriend making all his problems go away. And it is simply not another person's job to do that. It is Tony's job to make him happy. But whenever actual help is given, or at least suggestions are made, it is completely ignored.