Any way I can be a happier person?

[Slime_Punk]

Why do I even bother to post here?

Probably because everyone continues to be really nice to you and continue offering support for you. I'm not sure why this could really be seen as a bad thing, especially when you're asking for help and plenty of people are offering valid solutions. In the end, what's the perfect solution that hasn't already been suggested?

 

[Hypnalis]

I thought this post was about me not how I meet my spouse post.

The title is about happiness - a useful and positive approach to talking about yourself..
Your first post isn't about happiness though. Nor are any of the others.

There's a saying that goes something like: "You get back the energy you send out".

What you send out here is usually (80%) resentment. If you do the same thing IRL, with the same underlying causes, you will keep burning every bridge you build.

This is a valid adult choice, and suits people who prefer to be alone and to be as independent of other people as possible.
But ...
1. It's not the best way to live a life with minimal interpersonal contact
2. It's contrary to your stated objectives.

If you don't change, your past is a reliable predictor for your future, I've said that before though - think about it this time.

You're "stuck" due to your own choices, not due to other people's malicious actions.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Probably because everyone continues to be really nice to you and continue offering support for you

You give the same answers to @Markness too. Also rubbing in how you meet your spouses makes me feel even worse. So that's worse support. Telling me to try new things but then not saying what new things the shooting down whatever new things I tried and calling me a predictor when I am around women is unhelpful and more depressed too.

I also actually cried at my lifegroup last night in front of two couples and two single women. They know me for a while and do talk to me. I was so distraught after that single woman ignored me again last night during the dinner again, what my so call friend said earlier and what you said earlier here I felt hopeless about ever being in a relationship. They supported me and one guy conform me.

 

[kenaij]

You give the same answers to @Markness too. Also rubbing in how you meet your spouses makes me feel even worse. So that's worse support. Telling me to try new things but then not saying what new things the shooting down whatever new things I tried and calling me a predictor when I am around women is unhelpful and more depressed too.

There is a difference between a person calling you a predator and explaining to you how certain settings and behaviours can come across as you being a predator. Because we all know you are not. You are lonely and unhappy and you seek happiness. By explainingg to you how these locations will not work to your benefit to reach your goals we are helping you.
But if you want a very specific thing or place to do to advance your goals. Try speed dating.
https://www.eventbrite.com/d/ny--new-york/speed-dating-events/is the first google result for speed dating events in new york.
Every single woman you will meet there is looking for someone in their lives.

 

[chincey_james]

If I were you, I would dedicate myself to finding ways to be content right now and focus on self-care above all. Maybe once you've got that down, the path forward will be clear. As is, you seem to be getting stuck in an endless loop of self-criticism and self-pity. Is that loop benefiting you?

 

[Hypnalis]

A general comment about the kind of dating advice that's provided here:

Almost none of it is relevant for Tony.

The four he's mentioned (that may have come from his therapist?) that are good to start with are: diet, training, grooming, and an activity that naturally provides something neutral to talk about (Yoga).

But that's not enough. Not even close.

 

[Judge]

A general comment about the kind of dating advice that's provided here:

Almost none of it is relevant for Tony.

The four he's mentioned (that may have come from his therapist?) that are good to start with are: diet, training, grooming, and an activity that naturally provides something neutral to talk about (Yoga).

But that's not enough. Not even close.

Point taken.

Metaphorically speaking he doesn't need to know how to make it to first base, but rather he needs a map to find the ballpark. Something best left to medical professionals.

Being autistic is simply not enough to be of real help. "Not even close", as you say. Time for Tony to do some real soul-searching about how- and who he seeks help from.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Metaphorically speaking he doesn't need to know how to make it to first base, but rather he needs a map to find the ballpark. Something best left to medical professionals.

Since I never even kissed a girl on the lips and a friendly kiss on the cheek does not count or even been on a date you're right. But I have been to medical professionals. Been to therapy half of my life and been on various medications for the longest time but it has not helped me with women. I thought it did at first but then I got the same outcome when I tried new things.

 

[Judge]

Since I never even kissed a girl on the lips and a friendly kiss on the cheek does not count or even been on a date you're right. But I have been to medical professionals. Been to therapy half of my life and been on various medications for the longest time but it has not helped me with women. I thought it did at first but then I got the same outcome when I tried new things.

Unfortunately in dealing with medical professionals it's seldom a linear process in terms of them helping you.

Sometimes you have to go through many to get what you truly need. But then I could say the same for auto mechanics as well. Go figure. It shouldn't be that way, but it is.

 

[Suzanne]

Defintely "so called friend"!

I get you, because I have similar experiences and it is so hard to deal with.

I am on the road to trying to just be myself and not worry what others think of me. But, it is by no means easy, when each new trigger comes along.

I have found a few people I can call a friend. Especially a lady I study with. She is amazing, despite not being on the spectrum, there is definitely something neurodiverse about her. She fully gets me and says things I have always wanted said to me, without me even prompting her.

So, the conculsion is, can you try and find a friend on the ASD spectrum?

I would glady be a friend, but I am a female and my husband would not like it.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

People can never be happy as long as they are centered on themselves.

"I want . . .", "I need . . .", "I deserve . . .", "I . . .", "I . . .", "I . . ." -- if a person's thoughts and words involve these and similar statements, then they are focused solely on what they lack, rather than what they have and can contribute.

And contributing to society is what provides the greatest satisfaction.

What skills and talents do you have that others find useful or entertaining? Are these skills and talents rare or commonplace? Are they even in demand?

I learned to play flute and violin. While not concert quality, the music I play (for free) is welcome -- and even requested -- at social gatherings among the people I know. Sometimes, I'll be noodling around with music in my backyard, a neighbor or two will show up with their instruments, and an impromptu party is begun! This makes me happy.

Granted, when it gets too crowded and noisy, I might call a halt; but my neighbors are used to that.

So, offer your skills and talents to the community, or just display them where others can see them. Sooner or later, someone may show interest.

When I am out with geologists and amateurs in the field, I enjoy showing my enthusiasm by helping find specimens, identifying fossils, and interpreting what we are seeing. People enjoy that. One trip I had a woman come up to me, hug me (unexpectedly), telling me that she was hoping to meet a man like me. I needed to make it clear that I was faithful to my spouse.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Spouse, husband, wife good job cheering me up. Not.
I feel worse than before I posted this before. That's why I cried at my life group last night but now I feel depressed again.

 

[Hypnalis]

@Tony Ramirez

I can't say if there's a chance for you to achieve this Life Goal or not.

I can say that there are potentially controllable attitudes and behaviors that you'll have to change as a pre-req to making any progress in that direction.

"Potentially" there means that I can't know what, if anything, you have apart from ASD (and couldn't help if I did know), but that these are things that can be handled by some people with HFA.

Several posts you've made over the couple of weeks suggest to me "reading between the lines" that you've experienced the consequences of inappropriate behavior lately. I can't know of course - "don't shoot the messenger".
If I'm right, I suggest you ask yourself - "Could I have acted differently?".
Not could someone else have acted differently - you in particular.

If so, you might have something you can work on.

e.g. if I get angry and I feel the adrenaline starting to influence my actions, I always disengage politely, walk away, and wait out the adrenaline rush elsewhere.
It's hard to say how much trouble I've avoided doing this - possibly none - but I've never regretted doing it.

 

[Mary Terry]

Tony - I may be misremembering but didn't you have significant legal issues involving a woman - your case worker? - that you were accused of stalking and harassing several years ago? If I'm wrong, then I sincerely apologize. However, if my memory is correct then it may shed light on why you are unable to focus on anything except finding a girlfriend.

I think you need to talk to a professional mental health practitioner about these thoughts and needs of yours. Obviously, nothing anyone here says to you is of any benefit to you and just seem to anger you. I think you need more help than anonymous internet posters can give you.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

consequences of inappropriate behavior

So it's my fault for being ignored and what I did is inappropriate even though I did nothing wrong. Damn you all.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Tony - I may be misremembering but didn't you have significant legal issues involving a woman - your case worker? - that you were accused of stalking and harassing several years ago? If I'm wrong, then I sincerely apologize. However, if my memory is correct then it may shed light on why you are unable to focus on anything except finding a girlfriend.

I think you need to talk to a professional mental health practitioner about these thoughts and needs of yours. Obviously, nothing anyone here says to you is of any benefit to you and just seem to anger you. I think you need more help than anonymous internet posters can give you.

I never stalked women so get that out of your head. I respect women. They don't respect me.

 

[Mary Terry]

I never stalked women so get that out of your head. I respect women. They don't respect me.

I know you denied that you were stalking or harassing the woman and yet one or more restraining orders were issued against you, right? Again, I apologize if my memory is not accurate.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I know you denied that you were stalking or harassing the woman and yet one or more restraining orders were issued against you, right? Again, I apologize if my memory is not accurate.

Not never happened. You are all making me want to cry now.

 

[Mary Terry]

Not never happened. You are all making me want to cry now.

If what I said never happened, then I humbly apologize for upsetting you.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

With these response I don't even want to live no more knowing I will never be in a relationship.