Anyone else find this ironic and unfair?

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

I think that NTs have obsessive interests too, I know a couple that do, but they are better at picking up on when others are bored and it's time to move on to a different topic of conversation. They seem to be better at turning off that interest when they need to, while we are more likely to need to talk about it.

I don't mind people infodumping, as long as I find that topic interesting. If they infodump about astronomy or dogs, that's interesting. If it's about sport or what the neighbours are up to, that's not interesting (to me).

I have met NT who have no interests or anything interesting to say like 2 interests
But I guess that is just social media for.you
Like I have met people who forgot and said they used to do things and also some lady said she sat for fun.
Like what do you do? I just sit. I'm like for how long?
I said did u watch TV and she said no sometimes I just sit.
And I'm all for a rest but I like to do something when I have a break I always am doing something I do not sit for fun doing nothing.
If you ask some people what they like to do, I cannot squeeze anything out of them anyway for NT some people simply do not know or have like 3 interests.
So I'm like wow I do nor understand why u do not know

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

The main dynamic that I always observe tends to reflect how we are quick to talk about something (even in a casual conversation) in great detail and enthusiasm, while they are more prone to discuss things in a cursory manner.

That what we do literally intimidates some people. And when it is done enough times with the same people, eventually they don't even want to discuss a particular subject.

At least that's my experience, and quite often with those in my closest orbit. Family....

Yeah when it intimates it gives the grips but yes NT can have Interests and hobbies too.
Even unique ones. I think they are more insecure or something to develop them or try anything new they would enjoy.

 

[Misty Avich]

I used to go on about the obsessions I had with people, but this was an act of must-do impulsivity. Like what a computer virus does to a computer, the obsession took over my mind and I couldn't think of anything else. I was just too obsessed.
From about 2001 to 2014 I had obsessions with different people come and go. I just got these obsessions with certain people in my life (school teachers, local residents, bus-drivers, etc). The obsessions were worse in my teens because I'd just impulsively talk about them to my friends, or try to hint something about them, and if they knew the people I was obsessed with and told me a fact I didn't know about them I'd feel really excited, my heart would pound, and I'd be extremely obsessive over this new fact for the next week or so. I didn't want to be me any more, I just wanted to be whoever I was obsessed with at the time. I felt my life and my family were "boring" and that these people I was obsessed with were superior and important to me. Horrible times. I didn't really like having obsessions with people. My therapist actually put my obsessive behaviours down to depression and social isolation. Because I suffered cruel social isolation during my adolescent and young adult years, I think I turned to my obsessions for comfort and even company (even though I had close family around me).

As soon as I met my husband in 2014 I haven't had any obsessions like that since, and I never had obsessions before adolescence either.

 

[MildredHubble]

Thank you for wording this so well. This is my exact experience too.

Thanks @Luca, I felt a bit like my posts were a bit rubbish yesterday. I'm glad it made sense I had a couple of ocular migraine attacks and afterwards I always feel like I'm not expressing myself very well.

 

[Luca]

Thanks @Luca, I felt a bit like my posts were a bit rubbish yesterday. I'm glad it made sense I had a couple of ocular migraine attacks and afterwards I always feel like I'm not expressing myself very well.

Omg, they were not rubbish at all! They were super helpful for me, actually!
Ocular migraines are the worst Are you feeling better today?

 

[Misty Avich]

There's a guy I'm following on Facebook who posts excellent, relatable memes, but I can tell he has an interest in motorcycles and sports cars because he often posts memes about that too, which makes me sigh and scroll past lol. But between the boring posts are some great posts so it's worth following him for that, as he posts like 10 a day and he's British.

 

[AspieChris]

I think that it’s a question of us simply being outnumbered. The smallest group in any society is seen as ‘different’ and expected to conform to the ways of the majority.

The problem I see is that I don’t care if an NT has different ways of thinking or communicating. As long as they’re not hurting anyone then we can be friends without me judging them for being different from me. BUT I’m usually expected to pretend to be just like them or I’m seen as being a problem. And when you’re high functioning, the first sign of our differences always starts with conversation.

 

[Misty Avich]

I have met NT who have no interests or anything interesting to say like 2 interests
But I guess that is just social media for.you
Like I have met people who forgot and said they used to do things and also some lady said she sat for fun.
Like what do you do? I just sit. I'm like for how long?
I said did u watch TV and she said no sometimes I just sit.
And I'm all for a rest but I like to do something when I have a break I always am doing something I do not sit for fun doing nothing.
If you ask some people what they like to do, I cannot squeeze anything out of them anyway for NT some people simply do not know or have like 3 interests.
So I'm like wow I do nor understand why u do not know

You meet one NT you met one NT. They don't all sit and stare and do nothing. That sounds like depression to me, or Alzheimer's.
Three interests is average. I don't have any more than three interests I don't think. Well I like a lot of things but where's the difference between liking something and it being an interest?
A lot of NTs are in jobs related to their interest, believe it or not. My definitely NT cousin loves cooking and knows a lot about it and memorises all different recipes, etc. He started his adult life off as a janitor in a kitchen but, cut a long story short, he got promoted as a kitchen assistant, which he was happy about, and now he's a chef.
My other cousin, definitely NT, has always been interested in cars, and by 14 he knew everything about a car engine. As an adult he now works in a car garage fixing cars, and loves it.
I know NTs (I assume they are NTs) that work in the pet store because they love animals. One of them is training to be a vet.

A lot of Aspies stereotype NTs as people who are only interested in gossiping and are only in careers for the money and nothing else. This ain't true. Most people go for careers that interest them the most. The interest usually comes before the career.
Menial jobs generally aren't related to a person's interest and they are just there for the money but most NTs I know aren't in menial jobs.

 

[Misty Avich]

I think what I find the most ironic and unfair is that NTs are allowed to lack empathy for any person or group of people but if autistics show any hints of selfishness we get shamed and expected to show and feel empathy for every person or group of people.

But that's a different topic and I won't derail this thread on to that. But just saying.

 

[Hypnalis]

I don't see how normal NT communication patterns can be called "unfair".
The "non-functional" part of normal informal conversations is the point. It's the path to the social compatibility and familiarity that allows friendships to develop.

We don't have to participate, but opting out means you won't make or keep NT friends. Instead, you'll have stable acquaintanceships based only on something practical ("functional" rather then just friendly). And even purely practical relationships don't provide an opening for detailed discussions of a special interest (unless OFC the interest is the basis for the practical relationship).

You can want NT friends without normal social interactions, including conversation, but that's not how it works IRL.

You can even bypass the "coffee and chat" path to friendship if you don't want to "talk about nothing".
But advice on how to do that is often given here, but seldom followed. Which is definitely ironic, but not unfair

 

[LadyS]

It does feel deflating when most NT conversations I've experienced remain shallow and don't lead anywhere noteworthy. It's like they just talk for the sole purpose of filling quiet space and not to communicate anything of importance. I've learned over time to just keep my interests to myself and only deep dive if the other party is genuinely interested.

But I will say I had a positive experience over the weekend with a close NT friend who is very outgoing and enthusiastic personality. She was genuinely interested in my deep dive about a certain personal interest and in the past she loves picking my brain when it comes to abstract concepts. The next day during a game night she said several times that she loved how my brain works. Granted that I'm no intellectual it really made me feel seen and heard

 

[MildredHubble]

Omg, they were not rubbish at all! They were super helpful for me, actually!
Ocular migraines are the worst Are you feeling better today?

Thanks Luca! Ocular migraines are horrible! I'm ok today, I think the after effects are wearing off now. I'm not sure why but I seem to loose some ability to verbalise things for a while after. But I'm definitely feeling better today thank you!

 

[Tom]

"Is it an obsession or a hobby?​

It is the intensity and duration of a person's interest in a particular topic, object, or collection that marks it out as an obsession.

• Is the person unable to stop the activity/interest independently?
• Is the interest impacting on the person's learning?
• Is the interest limiting the person's social opportunities?
• Is the interest causing significant disruption to other people, eg parents, carers and family?

If your answer to any of the questions above is 'yes', then their interest may have become an obsession which is affecting them, you and/or other people in their life."

National Autistic Society