Are friends or family members disbelieving about your ASD?

[umbrellabeach]

My mom was the one who figured out I have it, and by now my whole family knows, but they still expect me to conform, and think & act like a NT. I've mentioned this many times on here before but I'll mention it again: whenever I have a meltdown while my dad's home, he yells at me to stop "throwing temper tantrums." I've tried over and over to explain the difference between the two, but he refuses to acknowledge it. I've also noticed that he loves to label and generalize, and considering that he's already middle-aged, I don't think there's much hope of changing that. He's too busy with work and other adult crap to waste time learning about AS and his own kid, I guess.

 

[Nitro]

My mom was the one who figured out I have it, and by now my whole family knows, but they still expect me to conform, and think & act like a NT. I've mentioned this many times on here before but I'll mention it again: whenever I have a meltdown while my dad's home, he yells at me to stop "throwing temper tantrums." I've tried over and over to explain the difference between the two, but he refuses to acknowledge it. I've also noticed that he loves to label and generalize, and considering that he's already middle-aged, I don't think there's much hope of changing that. He's too busy with work and other adult crap to waste time learning about AS and his own kid, I guess.

We all have to put on a mask to satisfy the NT world...the yelling part is what disturbs me,but as you stated there may be no changing of his interest or disposition towards you...conforming a little bit will be healthy for you and may ease their concerns...the NT world is a challenge but you need to fit in it to operate in it

 

[Ste11aeres]

For me, my best friend seems to not accept it. I think she feels that if she would accept it, I would be damaged. She cares about me, but still does not see that by denying it she refuses to see that part of me. Maybe one day she will. I won't tell my parents because they will completely deny it. My sister, my girlfriend and her parents agree with it.

I used to feel that same way about myself; as if the act of accepting it about myself would itself cause me to be damaged, would itself cause me to feel the loneliness my mother said Aspies feel. Now I know, that though I am sometimes lonely, acceptance of my aspieness does not cause the loneliness, but does provide an explanation for it. The aspieness itself does not cause the loneliness; people's reactions to the aspieness are what causes loneliness.

 

[KassieMac]

I used to feel that same way about myself; as if the act of accepting it about myself would itself cause me to be damaged, would itself cause me to feel the loneliness my mother said Aspies feel. Now I know, that though I am sometimes lonely, acceptance of my aspieness does not cause the loneliness, but does provide an explanation for it. The aspieness itself does not cause the loneliness; people's reactions to the aspieness are what causes loneliness.

THIS!! ^ All of THIS!! ^

I've found that being allowed to participate only because I am wearing a mask is FAR more lonely than being alone.

My therapist used to tell me that I needed to learn to love myself, and I replied that I don't ... I can't ... I actually find myself quite annoying. Now that I know I'm an Aspie I am learning to love myself, and she's giving me books on how to learn to fit in. Pfffffttttt!!!

 

[Historianthomas]

I used to feel that same way about myself; as if the act of accepting it about myself would itself cause me to be damaged, would itself cause me to feel the loneliness my mother said Aspies feel. Now I know, that though I am sometimes lonely, acceptance of my aspieness does not cause the loneliness, but does provide an explanation for it. The aspieness itself does not cause the loneliness; people's reactions to the aspieness are what causes loneliness.

I totally agree. It took me awhile to accept it myself. I know my friend will in time. She has this view of Aspergers as if everyone with Aspergers is like Rainman. I am slowly trying to help her see that Aspergers is really a spectrum.

 

[umbrellabeach]

We all have to put on a mask to satisfy the NT world...the yelling part is what disturbs me,but as you stated there may be no changing of his interest or disposition towards you...conforming a little bit will be healthy for you and may ease their concerns...the NT world is a challenge but you need to fit in it to operate in it

It seems like a form of lying to pretend to be something I'm not just to make other people temporarily happy while making myself permanently miserable. And it's not like I can just magically stop having meltdowns, although my dad thinks I can if he just yells at me loudly enough and makes enough angry faces. Whatever, I don't give a crap what he thinks of me. I just wish he would leave me alone.

 

[KassieMac]

It seems like a form of lying to pretend to be something I'm not just to make other people temporarily happy while making myself permanently miserable. And it's not like I can just magically stop having meltdowns, although my dad thinks I can if he just yells at me loudly enough and makes enough angry faces. Whatever, I don't give a crap what he thinks of me. I just wish he would leave me alone.

I completely agree. Trying to make others more comfortable has never benefited me in the slightest … it benefits them but they show no appreciation or empathy, they act entitled to it, and soon they're trying to take advantage of me in some way. So I'm miserable, abandoned, and I've gained nothing. Long ago I realized it wasn't worth the effort & decided to stop. I'm still alone & I've gained nothing, but I've been honest with myself & with them, so I'm not so miserable.

Your dad sounds a lot like mine was. When he moved out, Mom picked up all his absurd behavior patterns … common for a codependent when the alcoholic moves out, they don't know how to act in the absence of drama so they unconsciously start to create it themselves. Around 16 I realized & accepted that neither of them would ever listen to me or accept me, that they subconsciously enjoyed my begging to be heard … suddenly I wasn't having meltdowns because of them anymore. They'd have hostile, angry tantrums & I'd reply with calm & rational logic … which would just piss them off even more. But I had a job & a car, and I was starting college (which neither of them paid the tiniest bit towards). I just made my own decisions & ignored their rantings. By then I was paying my own bills, Mom only provided me a place to sleep. That didn't stop her from nagging me about homework or accusing me of partying when I was at school working on projects, but I just ignored it. I told her that if she wanted to act that way she had to pay my tuition. She never came around, but I felt much better once I stopped trying to convince her to. As soon as I could, I moved out.

The sad thing is, almost 30 years later she still hasn't grown up (my dad passed away while I was in college). But it could be worse, I could've spent all that time pursuing something she wouldn't (or couldn't) provide.

So I guess the moral of the story is summed up in the Favorite Quotes thread: Be who you are & say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind & those who mind don't matter.

 

[googoochajoob]

Well, I just got back from a trip to see my grandma and my aunt, uncle, and cousin. Apparently my grandma, aunt, and somehow my 10-year-old cousin (I doubt it though) read the book about Asperger's by Tony Attwood and have decided that I don't have it (my uncle has abstained from saying that). Because obviously, three people who have never been to college know more about Asperger's than the psychologist.

 

[emilylovesbooks]

My parents were very aware about it, and accepted that I did have autism. My grandparents on my dad's side were skeptical until I spilled my popcorn when I was younger and started wailing. (true story) They thought I had gotten my finger stuck in the car door or something. After that they believed

 

[Judge]

I just wish my mother would have lived long enough to come to terms with my own ASD. My parents always new there was something different about me...and I suspect my mother would have ultimately understood and agreed with my own self-diagnosis.

Unfortunately she passed away seven years before I began to figure it all out.

 

[Historianthomas]

Well I had hoped my best friend would agree with me that I am in the spectrum. There were conversations in which she did seem to concur, but there were many others where she said that I exhibit depression only. My girlfriend complete agree with me though.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I haven't had that kind of problem with my family.
They're pretty awesome that way.

And I think a cousin or second cousin was recently diagnosed with asd.

 

[Amee]

My dad doesn't seem to understand at all. For one, he doesn't really believe my diagnosis, he says I was different as a kid and that this AS stuff has come later on.. I didn't live with him as a kid though. He also thinks it's like some kind of disease which I will be rid off some day, plus when I try to explain to him he says "but I'm like that too and I don't have aspergers." It's really hurtful..

 

[StephF]

The only person in my family who even knows about my diagnosis is my sister

 

[CassieR]

My preschool teachers thought I was an Aspie. But then my mom told me I have Aspergers. No one didn't really not believe me. They are sort of just asking what it is. I don't really know how to explain it to them. My teachers, I have to tell them at the beginning of the school year I have Aspergers as well. They understand that. I don't like to bring up my Aspergers a lot… because I mostly don't know how to explain it.

 

[Andrew206]

When I was young, my parents refused to believe anything was wrong with me, despite a school psychiatrist's recommendation that I get help at the local mental health center. I had problems being socially acceptable in school, and got picked on a lot. It made me feel depressed and worthless.

 

[xNIGHTPAINx]

My mother believed it almost instantly. Which was quite surprising since she's typically very closed minded.
When I started explaining it to her, she just kind of brushed it off saying that it was a result of my estranged abusive father that I had these problems, but then I pulled up one of those online checklists about girls with Aspergers and her jaw literally dropped. It was like this monumental thing that finally explained my entire childhood and life as a young adult.

 

[ser2636]

Me and my mom were sitting in a coffee shop when she told me about how she heard about Aspergers on the radio and thought it sounded like me. We told my Dr. And I was diagnosed Aspergers and ADHD Inattentive type. My brother is a very patient person and has learned so much more dealing with me and my meltdowns. He is the one who helps me with my homework when I need it. My sister understands for the most part. My dad however, does not understand my Aspergers. If I get upset I can get overwhelmed and tend to shrink into a ball and cry, shout if someone won't stop talking because I can't take the input, or I flail my arms. I sometimes will hit and throw things. Although, the shouting, throwing, and others are less severe since everyone now knows bout my Aspergers. It has been

 

[Rudy Schmidt]

My dad doesn't seem to understand at all. For one, he doesn't really believe my diagnosis, he says I was different as a kid and that this AS stuff has come later on.. I didn't live with him as a kid though. He also thinks it's like some kind of disease which I will be rid off some day, plus when I try to explain to him he says "but I'm like that too and I don't have aspergers." It's really hurtful..

I hate it when people say "well I get that too - that's just life. You just have to deal with it."

This is the reason I'm afraid to tell people. It's hard to explain Aspergers to an NT when, to you, it's the norm. It'd be like asking them to quickly summarize their own psyche and every way in which it's different to mine.

 

[Judge]

At this point I feel like I'm throwing dice each time I mention being on the spectrum. Poor odds of a favorable outcome.

Luckily one thing I did learn early in life was when to keep my mouth shut when it really counted. Of course the downside is that it promotes a certain low-level kind of paranoia. So much frustration....