Hi. I've posted about this before on another site. I dated a person over the summer, who had BPD. There were specific problems that lead to stuff ending. These are just some of them though.
Namely, I had a very hard time understanding how I felt about her — don't get me wrong, I cared about her and her own problems, I found her attractive, and I really liked her as a person; we also had a very intense connection. At the same time though, there was the consistent problem of not knowing how I felt romantically; I assumed that I liked her, and thats what told her, but looking back, while I was definitely leaning towards wanting a relationship with her, I was a little more ambivalent than I admitted to myself. She would tell me intense things about her and her past, or about her know, things that I found shocking and were somewhat disturbing, but which I got over very fast (I had just never run into someone with things like these before, and initially they were overwhelming but not dealbreakers). The hard part was that she would always follow it up with "do you judge me", "do you think less of me" etc. And that would put me into a bit of shock, because I actually wasn't sure — I didn't want to say yes, but, because I was a little shocked in the moment, they kind of hit me hard. And there were other times when she asked me things like "I hope you're not pretending to have feelings with me because you can't get with anyone else," and another time she said a very shocking thing about her and called me a "tourist" because I didn't say anything right away.
The problem was, for me, having to constantly understand how I felt, in specific stressful situations, to reassure her that I actually liked her, was difficult for me. It was like when I'm under pressure to know that I feel that way, its very hard to actually know. There were two occasions were I didn't have that amount of pressure, and the feels were there, often stronger in some ways than any other time before. This is part of the reason why when we tried to get back together, it was very hard, because I was constantly under lots of pressure to understand how I felt, and it was overwhelming; the more that I thought about it, the harder it was to see her in that way, except for when we talked on the phone (because i was away on a trip) it felt amazing...
I've read that a lot of us have a hard time expressing love to others, and it seems that it might relate to the fact that we might not innately understand it as a feeling...So is it normal for us aspies to not innately understand what feelings/love is? Is there therapy/medication that might help with this-i.e. marijauna or oxycotin?
Namely, I had a very hard time understanding how I felt about her — don't get me wrong, I cared about her and her own problems, I found her attractive, and I really liked her as a person; we also had a very intense connection. At the same time though, there was the consistent problem of not knowing how I felt romantically; I assumed that I liked her, and thats what told her, but looking back, while I was definitely leaning towards wanting a relationship with her, I was a little more ambivalent than I admitted to myself. She would tell me intense things about her and her past, or about her know, things that I found shocking and were somewhat disturbing, but which I got over very fast (I had just never run into someone with things like these before, and initially they were overwhelming but not dealbreakers). The hard part was that she would always follow it up with "do you judge me", "do you think less of me" etc. And that would put me into a bit of shock, because I actually wasn't sure — I didn't want to say yes, but, because I was a little shocked in the moment, they kind of hit me hard. And there were other times when she asked me things like "I hope you're not pretending to have feelings with me because you can't get with anyone else," and another time she said a very shocking thing about her and called me a "tourist" because I didn't say anything right away.
The problem was, for me, having to constantly understand how I felt, in specific stressful situations, to reassure her that I actually liked her, was difficult for me. It was like when I'm under pressure to know that I feel that way, its very hard to actually know. There were two occasions were I didn't have that amount of pressure, and the feels were there, often stronger in some ways than any other time before. This is part of the reason why when we tried to get back together, it was very hard, because I was constantly under lots of pressure to understand how I felt, and it was overwhelming; the more that I thought about it, the harder it was to see her in that way, except for when we talked on the phone (because i was away on a trip) it felt amazing...
I've read that a lot of us have a hard time expressing love to others, and it seems that it might relate to the fact that we might not innately understand it as a feeling...So is it normal for us aspies to not innately understand what feelings/love is? Is there therapy/medication that might help with this-i.e. marijauna or oxycotin?
