Are you a tag along?

[Margaretha]

When I was younger, that's always the way it was. The only place I enjoy tagging along now is on forums for socially awkward nerds. It's so much more interesting and fun.

 

[Soup]

I'm more like that word that's on the tip of your tongue, that name you can't quite remember & that thing you put somewhere & now really need but cannot find for the life of you. I was never a true tag along: all I wanted was to be left to heck alone but, like a burdock in the woods, or velcro, stuff kept getting stuck to me. As soon as one thing gets peeled off, 3 other things got entangled. Even my clothing is tagless: I remove all tags entirely before pre-washing & wearing any garment. Today, I've learned several escape tactics for when I wind up not being able to avoid a social event. At virtually any event, there are optimal moments that facilitate escape. You've got to watch for them to open (like vortices in a sci fi movie) & leap in while they're open. Times of transition are escape portals. Such as after dinner BUT before the movie or show. After cocktails BUT before a sit-down meal or speech etc. while people are milling about & chatting. For me, these escape hatches are social life-savers!

 

[OutsideIn]

Definitely. I've always tended to have one good friend and just tagged along with her, so it looked like I was a part of her social group. But she wasn't around, I didn't have the courage or the incentive to join her group of friends to do things, even simple things like chatting before class started. I'm still this way with my husband. The only social events I attend are the ones he gets invited to.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Absolutely. Even in small groups or with one other person, I never feel like I really belong. I've never been able to interact in groups, and if I'm at a group like in church or at a party, even if I'm only talking to one other person, that person ends up getting distracted by other people and starts talking to them instead. (Even worse, people often walk up to us and just start talking to the other person like I'm not even there.) Once that happens there's nothing I can do about it since I can't talk over people even if I yell.
I've read that neurotypicals filter out "unimportant" noise and it's lacking filters like that that leads to sensory overload for Aspies. Soon after, I started wondering if NTs regard my voice as unimportant and filter it out. I usually have to yell and repeat myself several times over to make one small statement heard. Most people talk too loud and never pause or stop.
So yeah... I'm always a tag along, always ignored, never really a part of anything.