Are you on the spectrum and in a relationship with someone on the spectrum?

[Ana54]

Also, if you have kids, where do they stand on the spectrum?


Yes for me. And I have one child, a son, with my bf on the spectrum. Our son appears to be NT though we can't tell; he's only 1.

 

[Emor]

<cuts out old post>.
In the past I have been. Not anymore though.
EMZ=]

 

[benjimanbreeg]

I don't thinks its a good idea for 2 aspies to have kids.

 

[mikkyh]

Uhm...nope Lol

 

[Kit]

My husband has aspie traits. I have AS.



Emor I hear you, my ex aspie was very emotional and took things out of context I'd say. I felt I had to keep things bottled up inside me and he called it a social issue he had. Okay since he was aware of it, why didn't he just listen to what I meant when I said X?

 

[Ana54]

My bf took things out of context too. As do my parents, and everyone else I've ever talked to. I guess I was just very, very unlucky. I too felt for years that I had to bottle things up inside me. Now I wrote my book and it's all outed. Now all I have to do is rearrange my book and get it published. I will give it to publishing companies for free, and also post it on the internet. Well, it's actually published already as webpages in Google Docs but I'm going to rearrange it, tho I will keep it as webpages in Google Docs.

 

[Emor]

<removed, don't want people reading this*megalomanic ***** *>.
EMZ=]

 

[Willow]

Not as far as I know, but Chris does seem very..Aspergic.

 

[Ana54]

Emor, you fake emotions? I never do that anymore; it's awful. What kind of a life is that, faking it? Maybe even faking your way through it. So, while I get shat on because I don't tell white lies, at least people know I'm for real when I say something. I personally hate being lied to.

 

[Emor]

I'll admit I let it get way too out of hand. The minute he said he loved me(which imo was bs, he was in love with the concept of love, didn't matter who it was) I probably should have said something. But I got a bit too carried away I suppose and let things go WAAAY too far.
I fake emotions a lot. ESPECIALLY in relationships. My friend said 'scientific research'(probably some public pole on some random site) says that it takes longer for a woman to notice she 'loves' someone than a guy. IDK though.
In all the relationships I've been, in except the NT one(where it was equal) the other party has been making all the emotional progressions as such. Like, they'd always be the first to say they loved me, that they wanted to spend the rest of their life together, etc.
Looking back, it was probably horrible to say that back when I didn't feel like that. I really do feel like a total ***** for doing so. IDK why I did so tbh. I really did just get carried away.
I mean, I know now it's not ethical for me to enter relationships anymore, because I know I just want something casual which isn't too hard to exit or enter(which is basically impossible when you're AS and have no social skills), and then if there's a guy I like and he likes me back but it's casual then things will probably progress into a proper relationship anyway.
I'm not in a rush anyway for these big relationships. IDK why everyone else is. It's crazy there's people in my year and stuff getting depressed over break-ups and I find it hard to comprehend they really thought they'd be spending the rest of their lives with that person(which just seems like some horrible sadistic mind game...).
But yeah. Basically. I fake emotions all the time.
EMZ=]

 

[Willow]

My friend said 'scientific research'(probably some public pole on some random site) says that it takes longer for a woman to notice she 'loves' someone than a guy. IDK though.

Well, Chris loved me 4 years ago and I only realised I love him last year. Talk about a slow reaction, or whatever. lol

 

[Ana54]

I loved Stan him as soon as I saw him. The next day he said he loved me. I don't know when he realized he loved me. We loved each other before, tho, too. I told him he was the best friend I'd ever had, which he was, and he told me I was his best friend too.

 

[Emor]

IDK if I'm actually capable of love tbh.
At least in the romantic context.
AFAIK love is wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone.
I really don't like the idea of that.
I think it's possible, but I have a pretty crap sense of guys imo. The guys I'd want to spend the rest of my life with would probably wreck mine.
It's hard to explain without sounding crazy.
EMZ=]

 

[Ana54]

Find someone like you who understands you. Someone who might even have the same problem.

 

[Emor]

It's not something I aspire to anyway(being in a long relationship with someone).
But there's guy I've felt I could love, but the truth is, they really were ****ed up. Sorry. But it's like, guys who want to blow up school buildings.
Seriously.
So yeah. I think I'm just going to stick with what I have going now.
EMZ=]

 

[Willow]

*edit* Yes. Yes I am. lol

 

[gamers1700]

that made me lol

 

[Chris]

Depends how poor I guess. Me and Willow are almost exactly matched. We'll maybe post the graphs of some of our assessment results when we get them. The lines almost overlay, it's weird.

I think having a relationship with someone with aspergers is only difficult if its a more severe type. Well. It's a bit of a leap to assume everyone on the spectrum is incapable of sustaining a relationship.

 

[uchipiruchi]

I've only ever had one romantic relationship in my life and liked one other boy previous to that. I mean, I can tell when a guy has a good body, if he's worked out and is over my own height when I wear high heels that's when I usually get a feeling from the start that the guy is ok (usually it's only later that I figure out it is because I like the way he looks). I'm not so good with faces but finally I do get it, generally in the same way with the "he is ok" feeling. I know, I'm really slow. I usually have to analyze it in a way most people don't. I think, despite what I've written below and despite all the stuff that happened, that my ex is the one person in the world that understands me the most and the one person I could ever be with.

My relationship lasted about 3 and a half years. Partly because I react very slowly and only realize, say that I'm offended by something, later than most people. Also, sometimes stuff that should, in my friends opinion's, get me angry just doesn't bother me. I believe he has some traits. I know that despite he pretends to in front of some people to be liked, he hates social situations. I take a million years to realize I have been offended but he never realizes if he offends someone so, that combination can be a problem. This ended up letting him treat me in a way that many would call disrespectful. It was difficult for me to let him know that I was angry at him. To start with because it usually happened way after the incident when I realized that I SHOULD be angry and by then he had forgotten. When I realized stuff like this we usually talked things out but one day after a minor incident, due to a combination of things I felt I really couldn't explain things at all. I got a bit desperate and just wanted him to stop bothering me. So I decided to break up with him about two years ago. I do not regret breaking up with him at the time. I was overwhelmed and had a lot built up from previous incidents that had gone unsaid because of my delayed reactions. Since he's been my only relationship I had nothing to compare it with but I know that it probably can be better than what it used to be back then.

I still wish we could get back together because in spite of all that, he really gets me. He understands when too much people freak me out because it happens to him too, he understands when I get obsessed with stuff and helps me turn that obsession into something produtive, he helps me channel my creativity and we work as one really good team for almost everything, because for everything else he KNOWS me... which doesn't really happen to me a lot. I do hope he has gotten better at identifying and giving a crap when he offends someone, especially me! I know people think we are both weird but I think that if it had been just any normal guy we would not get along as well. My friends tell me I shouldn't wait for him but I dont think I really am doing so in the way I think they mean. I just have no interest in other guys for serious relationships and know that if I didn't wish we'd get back together I still wouldn't be interested, it is a wish and I don't think it would make any difference if it were not there because of the way I am.

In conclusion I believe the only viable relationship for someone on the spectrum is with someone else in it because it's the only person that really gets them, or maybe a shrink would do too as a last option.

 

[Ana54]

Google, you have a point. Stan and I are a perfect match, but he has poor tolerance for criticism no matter how it's delivered, and he doesn't listen to you sometimes, even when you beg him to. He just shuts down. His poor tolerance for criticism and my poor tolerance for being ignored or misinterpreted or denied an explanation for something involving me (his unfounded accusations against me, etc) make us both so depressed. But I don't want to be in a depressed relationship.


And it's not just me that notices he doesn't listen sometimes. His mother got fed up finally when he was a kid and took him to have his hearing tested. The person that did the test said that he could hear just fine... he just didn't listen.