Ashamed of stimming?

[Kalinychta]

Because of how my family members think of autism, I haven't talk to them about it, nor I will.

Any behavior that could be considered stimming I do when I'm alone. When I'm with others I try to blend as much as possible, albeit unsuccessfully. I try to be spend the least possible time with others because of this, I feel I have to pay attention to every move I make.

This is nearly exactly how I feel, except that I have admitted to rocking as an adult to my family (but only after I was diagnosed with autism), although I would never actually do it in front of them (like you). Have you talked about stimming with anyone in your life, or have you kept it a secret?

 

[Kalinychta]

I try to find less in your face stims. However involuntary body movements can inhibit and explode causing me to slap my thighs, jump, laugh profusely, or sing to myself. But l love ballet, belly dancing, and jazz so l think l come across as graceful. (hopefully).

Very interesting. Your comment has made me wonder how many autistic people take up dance or yoga or any kind of martial art or sport as a stim of its own or as an “outlet” stim. This deserves a thread of its own!

 

[Aspychata]

Very interesting. Your comment has made me wonder how many autistic people take up dance or yoga or any kind of martial art or sport as a stim of its own or as an “outlet” stim. This deserves a thread of its own!

This is valid point. Ballet and belly dancing have very repetitive movements. Ballet is especially soothing for me. Then l wondered if there are other austitic woman there like me.

 

[Kalinychta]

This is valid point. Ballet and belly dancing have very repetitive movements. Ballet is especially soothing for me. Then l wondered if there are other austitic woman there like me.

This actually deserves a thread of its own. I wonder how many autistic people consider dancing or sports (etc.) as being a stim? I mean, for an autistic person, stimming has to have been “a thing” for your entire life, but I wonder how many “re-directed” their stim into more socially acceptable forms or if such a thing is even possible. You should totally create a thread about this! Fascinating.

 

[Kalinychta]

I receive criticism for no other reason than being different from the norm, sometimes even from my wife and her sister. The reason is they have read stereotyped mischaracterizations online, and think by constantly calling me out that I will change. It makes me not want to be around them.

Ultimately I am who I am, and can not be someone else.

It’s so irritating the way “normal” people at once deify and ostracize people who are different. What the heck? Honestly, in so many ways I’m proud of being autistic and can’t imagine the horror of “normality.” It sucks that we’re constantly being labeled as disabled and less-than and wrong.

 

[Kalinychta]

I'm often self-conscious about it, but not ashamed. For me, shame implies moral wrong-doing, but there isn't anything morally wrong with stimming, so I can't say that I feel ashamed by it.

Maybe “embarrassing” is more accurate. Lots of people on the forum talk about stims that they can pretty much get away with doing freely in public, but stims like mine (rocking)...absolutely no way. Even to the people I’ve “come out” to I wouldn’t do it in front of them. I’d be too embarrassed.

 

[Gracey]

I think being conditioned early on, over a long period of time to "stop doing that" by various nefarious means curtailed much public display.

Doesn't mean I stopped but instead found balance, rolling, tumbling such as in gymnastics, various dance positions, some sports.

Rocking, pacing, spinning and twirling in public is misunderstood.
Practising forward rolls, cartwheels and other gymnastic moves are recognisable to the masses and therefore acceptable.

I'm guessing I got the same outlet for tensions and stressors by different means.

Being much older now, I'm unlikely to get away with cartwheeling everywhere
However, there are a couple of Pilates moves, such as the Roll back and Roll over that I can practise repeatedly and nobody bats an eyelid...
... because I'm just doing Pilates, right?

The need for repetitive movements as outlets to help calm never goes away.

I suppose it's just finding something to do that's recognisable and acceptable. Covert, if you like.

The smaller things, hair and pen twirling, drumming fingers/hand washing or wringing- as opposed to flapping,
Largely fly under a critique radar anyway.

 

[Samuel]

I have stimmed for basically my whole life so far. When i was little i would constantly flap my hands and although i don't do it as often as i used to i haven't outgrown the habbit either. I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 8 but i actually didn't find out i was on the spectrum until 5 years ago at age 14.
Whenever i flapped my hands as a kid my Dad would always tell me "relax your hands" or "try to relax your hands". My Mom on the other hand really didn't mind my stimming habits.

At the time i didn't understand why my Dad kept telling me not to do what i thought was fairly normal behavior. I understand that he only has good intentions, but ever since i found out i was autistic i've tried pretty hard to hide my stimming in an effort to appear more "normal" when i'm anything but that. With all of that said i'm really not ashamed of my stimming. I try to hide it but if i end up flapping my hands around other people for whatever reason then it is what it is.

 

[aka120]

I have possibly been stimming ever since I can remember, but none of the things I did have seemed too out of place. I do a lot of situating/readjusting my clothes. Shaking my leg rapidly, or even both legs, also maybe just rubbing my arm, or perhaps rubbing my index finger and thumb together. Also, when alone, with stress or deep thoughts I will pace for quite possibly hours. I have others but those are some of my main ones.

I remember being about 10 or 11 years old, over at a friend's house who lived near by, and his cousin was hanging out with us in his room, I think we were playing Super Mario Bros, and I was helping them beat the game... Well when I would lose and take another turn both my friend and his cousin noticed that I was readjusting my socks, my pants, my shirt, and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I think they had realized this was a pattern I was doing in-between turns. That was a very awkward moment and I had never realized I was doing anything abnormal, or odd until they brought it to my attention.

Ashamed? Nah, if people can't accept you for who you are, you are probably better off without them in your life.
But yes, to an extent, I will not do the bigger stims around people if it's going to bother them, I'll try to do smaller ones to help make them a bit more comfortable around me.

 

[Siam333]

I stopped a humming stim because I didn't know people could hear me until my mom shouted at me to stop. No one ever had a problem with it except her. I made the same sound every time. "Hm. hm. Hmmm. Hm. Hmmmmm."

 

[Ylva]

I stopped a humming stim because I didn't know people could hear me until my mom shouted at me to stop. No one ever had a problem with it except her. I made the same sound every time. "Hm. hm. Hmmm. Hm. Hmmmmm."

i used to do that to tune out the hum of the engine in a bus or plane. Apparently NTs can simply pretend not to hear the engine, but I never had that filter.

 

[Hylian]

Have you felt ashamed of your stimming? Did you hide it as a child, and/or do you hide it now? After I was diagnosed with autism, I “came out” to my family and friends about my rocking, and it was an incredible relief. Have you done the same with your family/friends? Have you talked about your stimming? How do you feel about it? Do you accept/embrace it or nay?

I used to feel ashamed of it until I learned what stimming even was. I hid it as a child and still do around other people. My family always noticed the rocking and some other stuff I do, and I've talked to my friends about it before. I'm indifferent about it as an adult and don't do it in public just because people find it weird, but don't really prevent myself from doing it when I'm alone.

 

[CrystalWolf]

I feel uncomfortable stimming around other people, because I feel like flailing my arms/hands when I get happy will bother people, and I want to look normal. That makes me less happy when I do something like finish a great art piece in school and it's really bothersome, I need to stop being afraid.