Asperger and anhedonia?

[felines are superior]

I've been unable to feel much of anything since age ten. I feel happiness, but it's somehow mild, dimmed. I'm bored most of the time. Can't find real excitement in anything.

Can anyone relate to that? Is it more common among aspies, or something else entirely?

 

[Iamnotarabot]

Didnt search to confirm my answer but i would say that not enjoying stuff and feeling that your feelings are like tuned down it sounds like depression.

I think i suffer from it aswell and i can relate to your message.

 

[Progster]

Yes - this is a symptom of depression, and I was diagnosed with depression at the same time I was diagnosed with Asperger's.

 

[ksheehan88]

Yup, sounds like depression to me too

 

[Bolletje]

Depression all the way! Which is where my past anhedonia came from.

 

[felines are superior]

Yes - this is a symptom of depression, and I was diagnosed with depression at the same time I was diagnosed with Asperger's.

It's usually a sign of depression, but I wasn't depressed. Although I was at first because one of the kittens I was feeding in the yard had run away, and it was maybe the same time my brother started shutting me, and everyone else, out of his life to some extent. But this feeling of boredom had started before that and had just escalated because of those events. And to some extent, it didn't stop even now, forty two years later.

 

[felines are superior]

Depression all the way! Which is where my past anhedonia came from.

To suffer from anhedonia because of depression means that the depression is very severe.

 

[Bolletje]

To suffer from anhedonia because of depression means that the depression is very severe.

Well, there are a few more criteria needed to qualify a depression as very severe. But it is one of the key symptoms of a depression for sure.

 

[Mary Anne]

It's usually a sign of depression, but I wasn't depressed. Although I was at first because one of the kittens I was feeding in the yard had run away, and it was maybe the same time my brother started shutting me, and everyone else, out of his life to some extent. But this feeling of boredom had started before that and had just escalated because of those events. And to some extent, it didn't stop even now, forty two years later.

Boredom and depression are not the same. Which one is it? Sounds like you live with depression.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I've been unable to feel much of anything since age ten. I feel happiness, but it's somehow mild, dimmed. I'm bored most of the time. Can't find real excitement in anything.

Can anyone relate to that? Is it more common among aspies, or something else entirely?

Although I may not have Asperger's, despite one 8 year old son having it, and another younger 6 year old son having Autism and ADHD, I eventually learned from growing up in a very traumatic home environment to not feel too much for highs and to not feel too low for lows. To do so would create too much constant daily extremes of emotion in me, which would make me even for vulnerable to our parents' wrath, as our parents created too much situations daily whereby we were taught to not to feel and to not express feelings. If we got too happy, a fight between them soon could break out and stop happiness in its tracks. If we got too sad daily, my body would say I would die as it was a very depressing home life, as we could not talk because of severe fears, low self esteem lack of trust, and because of no social skills, and as our parents were clueless how to act, behave and show care and concern for us. I saw no end, so I shut down in ways.

This meant holidays after age ten or so were not really enjoyed, but seemed like another day of the week. Why get happy if a mother could threaten suicide on a holiday, just before or after, or if our father was drunk and more desiring of his beer at those times? Years and years of ruined holidays growing up meant reconditioning my mind not to enjoy future happy times and holidays. But, it also meant after age fourteen or so, I slowly year by year without thought but naturally conditioned myself to not fret as much over small or big things, the more I became criticized, or rejected. My body was telling me if you keep worrying too much about what others think, you will have a nervous breakdown. So, I repressed those and other negative feelings like anger, disappointment, etc. too.

So, although in one way it is a constant mild depression for me to lose interest in things, the fact I do not get too bothered by things and am more positive in life, that seems to contradict the depression. It's as if my personality is just more calm or subdued, with me enjoying life at lesser levels, and having some unhappiness, but at lesser levels felt and shown too, but for the most part being content. My case may be different from yours, as we have different conditions, but I just think regardless of condition persons can have their personalities change some by environmental factors. In my case, I never needed to take drugs for any lack of much happiness, or less energy, as I learned to live with that, and as I prioritize my energy only for those most needed things.

Regarding the boredom, yes I bet bored lots. My mind needs to especially keep active. For me its an ocd thing. For others it could be adhd related, Aspergers or Autism related, high intelligence related, or some other condition or reason.

 

[felines are superior]

Although I may not have Asperger's, despite one 8 year old son having it, and another younger 6 year old son having Autism and ADHD, I eventually learned from growing up in a very traumatic home environment to not feel too much for highs and to not feel too low for lows. To do so would create too much constant daily extremes of emotion in me, which would make me even for vulnerable to our parents' wrath, as our parents created too much situations daily whereby we were taught to not to feel and to not express feelings. If we got too happy, a fight between them soon could break out and stop happiness in its tracks. If we got too sad daily, my body would say I would die as it was a very depressing home life, as we could not talk because of severe fears, low self esteem lack of trust, and because of no social skills, and as our parents were clueless how to act, behave and show care and concern for us. I saw no end, so I shut down in ways.

This meant holidays after age ten or so were not really enjoyed, but seemed like another day of the week. Why get happy if a mother could threaten suicide on a holiday, just before or after, or if our father was drunk and more desiring of his beer at those times? Years and years of ruined holidays growing up meant reconditioning my mind not to enjoy future happy times and holidays. But, it also meant after age fourteen or so, I slowly year by year without thought but naturally conditioned myself to not fret as much over small or big things, the more I became criticized, or rejected. My body was telling me if you keep worrying too much about what others think, you will have a nervous breakdown. So, I repressed those and other negative feelings like anger, disappointment, etc. too.

So, although in one way it is a constant mild depression for me to lose interest in things, the fact I do not get too bothered by things and am more positive in life, that seems to contradict the depression. It's as if my personality is just more calm or subdued, with me enjoying life at lesser levels, and having some unhappiness, but at lesser levels felt and shown too, but for the most part being content. My case may be different from yours, as we have different conditions, but I just think regardless of condition persons can have their personalities change some by environmental factors. In my case, I never needed to take drugs for any lack of much happiness, or less energy, as I learned to live with that, and as I prioritize my energy only for those most needed things.

Regarding the boredom, yes I bet bored lots. My mind needs to especially keep active. For me its an ocd thing. For others it could be adhd related, Aspergers or Autism related, high intelligence related, or some other condition or reason.

I'm really sorry that you had such a horrible childhood.

 

[tducey]

I've been depressed in the past but never have I lost interest in everything.

 

[felines are superior]

Boredom and depression are not the same. Which one is it? Sounds like you live with depression.

Maybe both. When I started being bored at age ten, I got depressed because I was bored. Not the other way around.

 

[DCA]

For me, when this sort of thing happens it usually means my depression is getting worse. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed all my adult life (as well as most of my teens), but I think there are different levels of depression. I had low levels of depression, which spiked recently over the last several months & I lost interest in just about everything that makes me happy: reading books, building models, and gaming. I'm a bit better now though there are some lingering issues (my daily routine is completely messed up & it makes me feel off). I will say that after I became a teen I do get a lot less excited about things, especially the things that would otherwise get me excited (like seeing tanks or military equipment, one of my "special" interests). I chalked that up to depression rather than Asperger's, personally.

 

[felines are superior]

For me, when this sort of thing happens it usually means my depression is getting worse. I'm pretty sure I've been depressed all my adult life (as well as most of my teens), but I think there are different levels of depression. I had low levels of depression, which spiked recently over the last several months & I lost interest in just about everything that makes me happy: reading books, building models, and gaming. I'm a bit better now though there are some lingering issues (my daily routine is completely messed up & it makes me feel off). I will say that after I became a teen I do get a lot less excited about things, especially the things that would otherwise get me excited (like seeing tanks or military equipment, one of my "special" interests). I chalked that up to depression rather than Asperger's, personally.

It really does sound like depression and not Asperger. Special interests are very strong in Asperger, so this isn't typical at all.

 

[Gritches]

Just in case it's useful to note, I used to have treatment-resistant depression and was at one time diagnosed with depressive personality disorder, or whatever it's called now (dysthymic personality disorder?) The basis for this diagnosis was primarily my pervasive anhedonia; I found everything tedious, everything bored me, I got no enjoyment from anything.

What I might find useful to put out there is that even though my depression has lifted, the anhedonia has remained more or less unchanged. I could be bored in an amusement park, but still happy though. That's why I would posit that it's an Asperger's trait, rather than a symptom of depression, even trait-depression.

 

[Adora]

It’s usually a sign of depression but I have Aspergers along with complex ptsd and I do go through anhedonia which i do wonder if it’s Aspergers or the complex ptsd that causes it but yeah it can be hard to live with and while I do have intense interests I still go through periods where I feel like even my interests cannot help.

 

[SusanLR]

It's hard for me to tell which causes it since I have been somewhat a "flat" in emotions person all my life.
I've been at various degrees of depression also. Sometimes to the point my special interests doesn't interest me. So I think Aspergers is part of it, experiential life factors causing depression the other half.

 

[Adora]

Although I may not have Asperger's, despite one 8 year old son having it, and another younger 6 year old son having Autism and ADHD, I eventually learned from growing up in a very traumatic home environment to not feel too much for highs and to not feel too low for lows. To do so would create too much constant daily extremes of emotion in me, which would make me even for vulnerable to our parents' wrath, as our parents created too much situations daily whereby we were taught to not to feel and to not express feelings. If we got too happy, a fight between them soon could break out and stop happiness in its tracks. If we got too sad daily, my body would say I would die as it was a very depressing home life, as we could not talk because of severe fears, low self esteem lack of trust, and because of no social skills, and as our parents were clueless how to act, behave and show care and concern for us. I saw no end, so I shut down in ways.

This meant holidays after age ten or so were not really enjoyed, but seemed like another day of the week. Why get happy if a mother could threaten suicide on a holiday, just before or after, or if our father was drunk and more desiring of his beer at those times? Years and years of ruined holidays growing up meant reconditioning my mind not to enjoy future happy times and holidays. But, it also meant after age fourteen or so, I slowly year by year without thought but naturally conditioned myself to not fret as much over small or big things, the more I became criticized, or rejected. My body was telling me if you keep worrying too much about what others think, you will have a nervous breakdown. So, I repressed those and other negative feelings like anger, disappointment, etc. too.

So, although in one way it is a constant mild depression for me to lose interest in things, the fact I do not get too bothered by things and am more positive in life, that seems to contradict the depression. It's as if my personality is just more calm or subdued, with me enjoying life at lesser levels, and having some unhappiness, but at lesser levels felt and shown too, but for the most part being content. My case may be different from yours, as we have different conditions, but I just think regardless of condition persons can have their personalities change some by environmental factors. In my case, I never needed to take drugs for any lack of much happiness, or less energy, as I learned to live with that, and as I prioritize my energy only for those most needed things.

Regarding the boredom, yes I bet bored lots. My mind needs to especially keep active. For me its an ocd thing. For others it could be adhd related, Aspergers or Autism related, high intelligence related, or some other condition or reason.

You’re childhood sounds similar to mine,I grew up in a unstable household where my dad was a alcoholic and would abuse both me and my brothers,my oldest brother left at age 19 but my other brother who is autistic aswell and I stayed and got the worst of the emotional and psychological abuse,my parents were nearly everyday at the club and they would stay there all day and there were days where we hardly had anything to eat,we also constantly got evicted from multiple homes and my parents ended up getting blacklisted on the rental list so we couldn’t get a house even if they had the money,at the lowest end we ended up on top of a pub in a one room that was so small that we didn’t even have a place to cook and even then my father would go down stairs to the pub and drink away our food money while my mother would gamble the rest of it away,because of this and other things outside of it I developed Complex PTSD and at the time I was undiagnosed Aspergers but I think one thing that it has affected me is that I’m afraid to be happy or feel safe because I’m scared something bad will happen so you could called it also hyper vigilance but I am very sorry that you went through a similar unstable upbringing because it is definitely important for a child to grow up in a stable loving household and it’s definitely important to feel safe and secure.

 

[felines are superior]

You’re childhood sounds similar to mine,I grew up in a unstable household where my dad was a alcoholic and would abuse both me and my brothers,my oldest brother left at age 19 but my other brother who is autistic aswell and I stayed and got the worst of the emotional and psychological abuse,my parents were nearly everyday at the club and they would stay there all day and there were days where we hardly had anything to eat,we also constantly got evicted from multiple homes and my parents ended up getting blacklisted on the rental list so we couldn’t get a house even if they had the money,at the lowest end we ended up on top of a pub in a one room that was so small that we didn’t even have a place to cook and even then my father would go down stairs to the pub and drink away our food money while my mother would gamble the rest of it away,because of this and other things outside of it I developed Complex PTSD and at the time I was undiagnosed Aspergers but I think one thing that it has affected me is that I’m afraid to be happy or feel safe because I’m scared something bad will happen so you could called it also hyper vigilance but I am very sorry that you went through a similar unstable upbringing because it is definitely important for a child to grow up in a stable loving household and it’s definitely important to feel safe and secure.

This is awful. Too bad children services didn't hear about that. You'd probably be better off in a foster home.

I'm always often afraid bad things will happen, especially when happy. I was afraid for my nieces without an apparent reason, when they were small. It was a period of my life when I was more or less kind of happy.