I've been unable to feel much of anything since age ten. I feel happiness, but it's somehow mild, dimmed. I'm bored most of the time. Can't find real excitement in anything.
Can anyone relate to that? Is it more common among aspies, or something else entirely?
This is exactly how i've felt for the past 15 years. It's pretty horrible and not something that is nice to live with. I've often thought it might be depression but a lot of the time i don't feel depressed. I'm just bored, lost and lacking any sense of purpose.
I think perhaps it's a result of getting older as when i was in my teens and twenties i was going out with friends and having fun and not thinking about serious things all the time like my future, illness etc. Since i hit my thirties and now forties and having to deal with adult things such as financial responsibility, looking after a child, health issues, having no friends now, no job due to health and all the other aspects of being an adult that i'm not really able to cope with.
In addition my friends have dwindled away and i spend a lot of time alone. Even though i'm so lucky to have a partner and a young daughter i still feel alone. They don't share the same interests i do and so that makes me disinterested although i still make much of an effort. I do have a best friend (NT) who lives in a town about 40 miles away but it's often difficult to stay over but i do feel like a teenager again when i know i am going to see him as i look forward to it because we can spend the evening talking and laughing about childish things one minute then having a serious debate about philosophy whilst enjoying some beer and listening to some metal / indie music.
I think it's life changes that i've struggled to adapt to as my mind is the same as it was when i was 16 but i'm 43 now and people move on. I don't want to move on because being an adult is pretty boring and i'm stuck with the rigid thinking i had when i was young.
I don't really feel like i have a place in the world and really desire it. I'm tired of trying to find it. It's as if i am just waiting for someone to tell me what my purpose is so i can finally start living again as i can't find it within myself. I guess this makes me depressed or anhedonic.
I like your user name felines are superior. I've always had cats. They are pretty much the one thing in life that make me properly laugh. I can watch endless comedians and sit there wondering just how people are finding them even remotely amusing but stick me with cats or cat videos and i'm laughing all the time.
In a way i envy them. They can spend all day or week sleeping and eating and they aren't getting stressed about wasting their life. They have no concept of what life is so they do what they need to do each day and don't get upset with having no purpose in life. I try to be like that but it's impossible. Our brains and lives are too complicated.
Cats are funnier than dogs because they have no facial expression. A bit like me lol.
i see that many of the replies are saying this is just depression, and yes i did have depression when i was about 12-15 but i feel like i got over it... maybe i just dont want to admit that im still having symptoms. i dont know why i feel this way. i have a great life. im on medicine and i guess im ok. should i try a different medicine? what if this is as good as it gets? what if this is just how life is supposed to feel? sorry for making this all about me
