Asperger's boyfriend is very inconsistent - help!

[Fino]

Oh, so you refer only to dangerous understaffed hospitals.

And probably just one, one that you were in?

I'm sorry you had that experience.

 

[cberg]

I was referring to my own experiences & a great many I've read about on sites like this one. I appreciate the thoughts but I'd rather keep the thread on topic.

I just don't think the wrong stuff about one's head makes for good romantic conversation. We all either accept people as they are or we don't.

tahoemom: Your guy is probably afraid of losing his job.

 

[tahoemom]

Rather than "boxing in," maybe they can be more like road signs.

And how is a Bipolar diagnosis a social death sentence? How would people know?

Diagnoses' are acknowledgments of already present behavior, being diagnosed changes nothing but perspective and clarity.

My daughter is diagnosed bipolar, so I completely understand. Thanks for your input.

People really hate the misnomer of bipolar, it gets you treated like a non-citizen in dangerous understaffed hospitals. Someone says you may be bipolar & BAM; say goodbye to being treated like yourself.

I'm uncomfortable with the diagnosis rate & the industrialized nature of any & all medically accepted treatments for such conditions. Calling someone bipolar is essentially like selling them to pharmaceutical companies for life.

 

[cberg]

Well it's a set of emotional circumstances that legally allow me to be locked up indefinitely, I don't really think anyone who hasn't been there can understand the ramifications. If I were an MD I would be terrified of any such diagnosis.

 

[cberg]

I should clarify that I'm not saying you should avoid discussions about all this, only pointing out where to tread carefully.

 

[Fino]

I was diagnosed Bipolar for years before having it changed to Borderline, and I was hospitalized twice during that time, the end of the second hospitalization resulting in the change of diagnosis.

Many of us at the hospital were diagnosed Bipolar. There was actually one moment when a group of us had gotten comfortable enough to share our diagnoses with one another, most of them were Bipolar, we started laughing, and a therapist nearby asked why we were laughing, and one of us explained that it's so weird how having Bipolar in the outside world is so strange but here it's like, "Oh yeah, me too."

People are held when they're determined to be a danger to themselves or others, not because of any diagnosis. Unless you were just at an awful place.

But you were right before that it's not on topic, so I'll stop after this one, I already had but others continued!

 

[Adolonius Ganz]

I‘m sorry but what is it about the „hot and cold“? I can‘t find the mans temperature changes in the original description. I might not know the expression because i‘m a swiss.

 

[All-Rounder]

I was diagnosed Bipolar for years before having it changed to Borderline, and I was hospitalized twice during that time, the end of the second hospitalization resulting in the change of diagnosis.

Many of us at the hospital were diagnosed Bipolar. There was actually one moment when a group of us had gotten comfortable enough to share our diagnoses with one another, most of them were Bipolar, we started laughing, and a therapist nearby asked why we were laughing, and one of us explained that it's so weird how having Bipolar in the outside world is so strange but here it's like, "Oh yeah, me too."

People are held when they're determined to be a danger to themselves or others, not because of any diagnosis. Unless you were just at an awful place.

But you were right before that it's not on topic, so I'll stop after this one, I already had but others continued!

For Australia at least some diagnoses make you able to be hospitalized against your will, one of them is Bipolar or Borderline, maybe both, pretty sure thats why my ex was able to be held in the hospital and could not legally refuse treatment in USA. He was diagnosed with Bipolar. These diagnoses supposedly make you unable to make a good decision for your own self and may be needed to be placed before someone is hospitalized and treated. Ex was indeed suicidal, but friend from Australia wasnt, she self hospitalized herself but they made her permanent and unable to leave. The only option is someone from the outside, both cases.

 

[Judge]

Another thing to ponder is the possibility that this man may be under a great deal of stress, which can really skew how we handle our personal relationships. It's not fair, but I know firsthand that it can happen.

Where something totally unrelated can potentially sabotage- even end a relationship. Where we may cut ourselves off from others socially just to conserve our energy in addressing other things. After all, in our world the amount of energy it takes just be social in so many contexts may take far more emotional and physical energy than most Neurotypicals may imagine.

 

[Fino]

For Australia at least some diagnoses make you able to be hospitalized against your will, one of them is Bipolar or Borderline, maybe both, pretty sure thats why my ex was able to be held in the hospital and could not legally refuse treatment in USA. He was diagnosed with Bipolar. These diagnoses supposedly make you unable to make a good decision for your own self and may be needed to be placed before someone is hospitalized and treated. Ex was indeed suicidal, but friend from Australia wasnt, she self hospitalized herself but they made her permanent and unable to leave. The only option is someone from the outside, both cases.

HOLY MOLY!!!! That would be horrible! But who pays for it when it's involuntary? Because I was held for ten days because the "severity of the suicide attempt warranted it," when I got out, I found out the insurance company would only cover up to ten days. What a coincidence!

Do you get a lawyer? Here we're assigned a social worker and asked if we'd like a lawyer to contest any involuntary stays.

 

[cberg]

Patients pay for involuntary treatment.

Yeah, if you're treating this guy like you're willing to typify his mental condition & you're both doctors, there's a good chance he's pretty scared.

 

[Judge]

HOLY MOLY!!!! That would be horrible! But who pays for it when it's involuntary? Because I was held for ten days because the "severity of the suicide attempt warranted it," when I got out, I found out the insurance company would only cover up to ten days. What a coincidence!

Do you get a lawyer? Here we're assigned a social worker and asked if we'd like a lawyer to contest any involuntary stays.

Depends on the legal details of the jurisdiction involved. It ain't pretty. Example:

"By law, the State of New Jersey is required to bear ninety percent of the cost of an involuntary commitment, leaving the remaining ten percent to be borne by the involuntarily committed individual. The financial evaluation process is undertaken by the county adjuster’s office. If it is determined that the individual can afford to pay for the cost of their psychiatric care, the county adjuster seeks a court order requiring the individual to pay for the cost of psychiatric care, which can impose a heavy financial burden on the former patient."

Involuntary Commitment Proceedings –Who Pays for That?: Law Firm, Attorneys

 

[Fino]

Depends on the legal details of the jurisdiction involved. It ain't pretty. Example:

"By law, the State of New Jersey is required to bear ninety percent of the cost of an involuntary commitment, leaving the remaining ten percent to be borne by the involuntarily committed individual. The financial evaluation process is undertaken by the county adjuster’s office. If it is determined that the individual can afford to pay for the cost of their psychiatric care, the county adjuster seeks a court order requiring the individual to pay for the cost of psychiatric care, which can impose a heavy financial burden on the former patient."

Involuntary Commitment Proceedings –Who Pays for That?: Law Firm, Attorneys

 

[All-Rounder]

HOLY MOLY!!!! That would be horrible! But who pays for it when it's involuntary? Because I was held for ten days because the "severity of the suicide attempt warranted it," when I got out, I found out the insurance company would only cover up to ten days. What a coincidence!

Do you get a lawyer? Here we're assigned a social worker and asked if we'd like a lawyer to contest any involuntary stays.

Maybe they get money off of hospitalized ppl from the govt... Conspiracy theory >. >

 

[All-Rounder]

A lot of aspies I know and have talked to have been to mental hospitals. Is it because of misdiagnosis that autism is given?

 

[Judge]

A lot of aspies I know and have talked to have been to mental hospitals. Is it because of misdiagnosis that autism is given?

Good question.

I suspect that this has more to do with conditions that are comorbid to forms of autism than a misdiagnosis.

 

[Fino]

Yeah, my reasons were entirely related to BPD, but I don't know about others, maybe that is the case for some.

 

[Onna]

I am just having a hard time figuring out how to discuss with him the hot and cold behavior, and the lack of intimacy.

If he’s on the spectrum, he might be needing routines? it might be that he’d prefer if you were just direct and told him what you would like? And whether he’s ok with it. I know it doesn’t sound glamorous, but it might work.
Such as I’d like to see you x amount of days in a week, x amount of phone calls etc.
If I care about someone and want to show them, but I don’t know what they want, then for me personally I’d be quite happy with it, so long as they were kind and not asking too much.

 

[Onna]

If he’s on the spectrum, he might be needing routines? it might be that he’d prefer if you were just direct and told him what you would like? And whether he’s ok with it. I know it doesn’t sound glamorous, but it might work.
Such as I’d like to see you x amount of days in a week, x amount of phone calls etc.
If I care about someone and want to show them, but I don’t know what they want, then for me personally I’d be quite happy with it, so long as they were kind and not asking too much.

Also I’d just ask him outright at this point whether he thinks he’s on the spectrum, or whether he has a diagnosis.

If he’s on the spectrum he won’t know that hot and cold is how you view his behaviour, he’ll be just doing it because he thinks it’s what he needs to do at the time. It’ll be a thought in his head ‘I scared her, I need to back off’ or ‘things are good again, I can show her that I like her again’.
Lack of intimacy I believe is something that could be worked on, but it would require you both figuring out how much you’re comfortable with, and whether it’s acceptable to you both.