"Aspergers is not an excuse."

[Serendipity]

My family (the ones I've chosen to tell) have been supportive of me, actually. I haven't had anyone call me a "freak" or a "weirdo".

 

[TheFoz]

I asked a skeptic to take the AQ test to see how he did on it, He got an 18/50 and then I showed him my results 40/50 and asked him if he thought he might be able to see that my world and his world are very different places. He asked me about some of the questions, especially the ones that have to do with math, and I gave him a string of examples of how math has fascinated me through the years and some curious things i had taken time to puzzle out. A couple more questions and he was with me on the notions that I do experience life differently and how lonely a place that makes the world to me.

 

[motormouse]

@ Soup: thank you for your posts above, especially the part about melt downs. It was illuminating for me to hear it from your side. When a melt down is over it usually takes me a bit to recover afterwards and I have never really gone back to ask him why it happened and what the process is for him. I think he is still learning why too sometimes. I think I'm just glad that that episode is behind us and I don't go back. Maybe we should talk more afterwards.

@Simply a Bibliophile: That is very sad that you are having this experience. I find it tough to deal with my mum as she thinks that by marrying an aspie I have made life very hard for myself. I went on the offensive and gave her a couple of easy to read books on the subject and then talked her through them. It really helped her to understand how a normal situation is read differently and reacted to differently between an NT and an aspie. Perhaps reading some easy books will help them recognise you in them

 

[Ylva]

Then what the Hell is?

 

[Arashi222]

I believe that while yes we struggle with somethings it is and should not be used as an excuse to just do nothing. There is always something you can do. The trick is finding your niche and sticking to what works. Now that being said I know that is hard. But honestly I hugs everyone here because here we are safe to be.

 

[Ylva]

Not an excuse in the sense we mean it, no; an excuse in the sense NTs often mean it – a reason – yes.

I can't help getting overloaded. I do my best to understand the people I am around, I make an effort to minimalize my Aspie "stuff" every time I go out… why can't they extend the same courtesy to me? Because they feel entitled to consider their ways "normal" and therefore "acceptable" and to look down on me for having the nerve to be different. It's not like I have a choice. It's not like I would choose to be like them if I could – I'd no longer be me. But the point is that I can't decide not to have Asperger. So it's not an excuse, but a perfectly legitimate reason why I'm not like those others. I'm going in circles… let me think about it some more and get back to this thread.

 

[SUM1]

Well sort of. My parents understand I may have it, but my mum is sometimes a bit odd, and when I say "it's because of my Asperger's (because that's the only fitting explanation for all my characteristics)" she gets really annoyed, and sometimes says I'm using it as an excuse. I keep telling her it's the facts.

 

[King_Oni]

Here's an interesting thought;

Instead of "us" having to use it as an excuse... why can't others just not put us in a predicament where we are put on the spot and have to reach out for an explanation, which in turn is being perceived as an excuse by these same people? Why can't these people just accept that people are different, and some might be different beyond their comprehension. Isn't that a lack of acceptance?

I feel that way to often you have to answer to someone in terms of how you act (or how you are as a person), while it shouldn't be an issue to start with.

 

[Ste11aeres]

If an Aspie becomes borderline non-verbal

I'm going through this.

 

[Athena]

Certain people don't take my autistic problems seriously and think it can't be as bad as I make it out to be. They don't really understand what's going on. Some of them don't believe it because "you don't act autistic", "you seem normal" etc. I'm relatively good at hiding certain things, or so I like to think. Many people, when they meet me, don't think "autism", they just see me as slightly odd. Or that's my perception, at least.

 

[lizzy171002]

My dad does this. My dx is relatively new, but my behaviors aren't. Last Friday, he deliberately made my morning routine impossible, then later on he asked me why I was so 'grumpy'. I tried to tell him I need my routine, especially in the mornings when I'm not awake enough to regulate my behavior on a conscious level. He then went on to tell me to 'get over it, it was just a shower'.
When I tried to explain that it isn't quite that easy, he threw up his hands in the air and told me to stop using 'your autism' as an excuse for everything. At that point, I was already stressed out and trying to suppress my stimming, because I know they don't like it when I act too odd.
I wasn't trying to excuse my behavior, I was still trying to answer his question: I need my routine and you made it impossible. This stresses me out, perhaps more than a neurotypical person in the same situation. I have little to no outlet for this stress; therefore I am 'grumpy'.
That is not an excuse, that is a reason, which is what you just asked me for.

 

[BK111]

I think it's exactly as Arashi222 points out earlier in the thread.

I believe that while yes we struggle with somethings it is and should not be used as an excuse to just do nothing. There is always something you can do. The trick is finding your niche and sticking to what works. Now that being said I know that is hard. But honestly I hugs everyone here because here we are safe to be.

I can get very overloaded with a task. Indeed I experience this every time I go up to the board in my mathematics tutorial at St. John's. Students at St. John's are required to do math "propositions" as according to the original mathematicians, i.e., Euclid, Ptolemy, Copernicus, Newton, etc., following each step and explaining how the proposition relates to other parts of the chapter, book, or concept discussed in class. Students also have to present in Language as we translate sentences from Ancient Greek (or later for me, Middle English and French). But, the thing is, it's not a presentation. If it was a presentation, I would not be having these problems. Students are inquiring and curious and ask me questions as I present, which overwhelms me. As a matter of fact, this process of asking questions is what makes the class exciting and forces me to learn; I ask questions, in turn, whenever someone else is at the board--and whenever someone struggles at the board in these two tutorials, I help them, understanding the situation they experience.

I am encouraged again and again to examine the "whole" over the "parts." It's a hard skill to learn, especially having Asperger's. But I am certain I can learn it; I can feel the topic getting to me already even as I type this because I have such an emotional and strong connection to this struggle to see the "whole." Yet somehow the more and more I struggle to understand the "whole," I realize that the "whole" has to be painted by other people. It has to be shown to me. But for me to see it I have to deal with the anxiety that comes with Asperger's. So, the anxiety is not an excuse; I'm thinking of new ways every day to handle what I call "my bickering mind." It doesn't know any better sometimes other than to panic, to enter a state of repetitive questioning and the need for continuous assurance that comes with Asperger's. Or the continuous anxiousness that comes with being afraid and assuming that being afraid of peers remarking about my slowness to grasp the concept on the board when I am anxious and afraid of criticism. It is no excuse despite the severity of the anxiety.

In cooking I have no excuse either when I get so overwhelmed by doing many things at once. Or at work where I can tolerate only so many commands at a time in a sentence. No excuses.

That is not an excuse, that is a reason, which is what you just asked me for.

Instead, I work with them and focus on strengthening what I do have. I take breaks when I need to take breaks. I ask for things to be repeated to me, for the sentence to be broken down into simpler terms. I ask for my peers in my math class to repeat what they say and guide me through the process...to the best I possibly can while realizing that I will get better. And yes, sometimes the people I am around will act like jerks or want me to conform to "their" standards of doing things. It's annoying. So annoying. But at least I try to vocalize my needs. Most understand, but for those that don't, then it is the silence that will make them understand. When they understand, then it is no longer an excuse but a reason, "which is what you just asked me for."