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Aspie Mom

Welcome, look around and get to know everyone. As you probably noticed from post #2, we tend to take things very literally.
 
Welcome to AC! We have quote a few Moms and Dads here. Please feel welcome to join right in and enjoy the forum. :)
 
tree said:
goldenevie316
Launching him where/how/in what direction?
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I tried googling 'launching aspie' to see what would come up...

I was imagining young children wearing superhero costumes, astride large cardboard rockets heading for the moon.

It turns out there's a surprising amount of 'failure to launch' themed articles relating to young adults failing to 'launch' into adulthood/independent living.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-ascher-md/failure-to-launch-syndrom_b_6709206.html
 
Thanks so much everyone !! What a relief to have people to talk to. My son is 25 and has had problems with burying his feelings and his anxiety by using pot for 10 years . It was a constant source of family angst. He did it all thru high school and college which he took no interest in but did graduate . He feels school was a total waste of his time and money and never looks for jobs in his major of Communications. His friends irritate him and he has no interest in their lives or their jobs. I have always been his main " go to " person as he has chosen to not speak much to his sister or his Dad. So I am the main person to get blasted out or to spend his time with. He is obsessed with skateboarding and natural foods so he gets exercise and has a nice diet but it is expensive and we are financially challenged. He works only construction because he said the owners and workers all smoke pot with him and he works usually in spurts if he can pass the drug test. When he gets paid, he sees no need to help pay for any of his bills such as cell phone and car insurance. If he is working steady which he did for 1 year, he bought his groceries and gas which was such a help but he walked the house screaming each morning and carrying on about imaginary situations which had never occurred but he insisted they would concerning his job and co workers. He waits upstairs til his Dad has to leave and then comes down and goes off. He rants for an hour before work , then leaves. He walked off a good paying job 4 days ago with no notice because he said it was too far to drive, it was, and the hours were terrible, they were. Now the recruiter doesn't want to find him any more jobs.He berates himself for not leaving home. I want him to look for work and get a job he'll like and I want him to have a place of his own and friends and a girlfriend. He has told me he is lonely and that he also wants his own life. He refuses any discussion of Aspergers or doctors and won't read any books which reminded me of him and his ways. He says he will start pot again when he feels like it. If he starts back, I told him he will have to leave. I can't go thru the withdrawals again with him and my husband will go ballistic if he smokes pot again . I wonder if confrontation works . He says he will do what he wants. I have always begged my husband to let him stay here because he is so naive and is not streetwise, but now I am wondering if I have been wrong and I enabled him to be this way. It's just that he was always so shy and different and never joined anything until he began to skate. I appreciate any info, opinions, anecdotes, etc. He can be such a lovely person.
 
The important thing to remember is you can't make him change. He'll only improve if he wants to, even if you kick him out. You aren't obligated to enable him if that's what you feel like you're doing letting him continue to live at home. Overall, you know your son best so our advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I'm his age and I might still live at home, still haven't completed college, don't actually have my license yet (long story there), but I work and pay for my own groceries, gas, and car payment/insurance and school. At the same time, I think an aspie - especially a lonely aspie - does need connections. If you're close to your son, whatever you chose to do don't alienate him if he doesn't have much of a social circle to fall back on. At the end of the day you've gotta feel like you matter to at least one or two people. Oh and he won't stop the pot addiction until he finds other ways to cope with what he's using it to cover up.
 
Kari Suttle said:
The important thing to remember is you can't make him change. He'll only improve if he wants to, even if you kick him out. You aren't obligated to enable him if that's what you feel like you're doing letting him continue to live at home. Overall, you know your son best so our advice should be taken with a grain of salt. I'm his age and I might still live at home, still haven't completed college, don't actually have my license yet (long story there), but I work and pay for my own groceries, gas, and car payment/insurance and school. At the same time, I think an aspie - especially a lonely aspie - does need connections. If you're close to your son, whatever you chose to do don't alienate him if he doesn't have much of a social circle to fall back on. At the end of the day you've gotta feel like you matter to at least one or two people. Oh and he won't stop the pot addiction until he finds other ways to cope with what he's using it to cover up.
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Thank you so much for your response. You have nailed it !!!
 
Hi & Welcome
'Launching' struck me as humorous too. I guess its the new 'leaving the nest'. Then again there is always the ol 'Blow em out the airlock' trick. ;)
 
Hi there! I think some tough love is called for here. You need to set some rules and enforce them, and have real consequenses to not going by the rules, or living up to reasonable expectations.

I'd start small, but really really stick to my guns. I feel that you have allowed your son to emotionally manipulate you, and it has to stop.

I know for me, one thing that I can't STAND is the feeling that someone is trying to control me, so it get tricky - but at the same time, I understand that I need to respect other people's space and expectations (within reason - my reason lol!). So it will get tricky. That is why I suggest you start small - but make the consequenses something he really cares about so they have direct meaning to him.
 
Like it or not, we all need role models.

If he could see another man his age meeting similar challenges, it would help.
 
I didn't think use of the word 'launch' was humorous.
I didn't think my questions were particularly either.
I was not being merely literal.
I did not suppose he was to be flung from a trebuchet.

I asked where the boy was to be launched, how he was to be launched,
and in what direction.

These questions are pertinent. It makes a difference. If the answers
were "High society, ball, toward a potential bride," that's one concept. "Job
market, middle level management, away from,' differs from "Job market,
middle level management, toward,' and from 'Job level, entry level data entry,
charm school for IT." Etc.

Simple questions that can't be answered with a yes or no prompt
the most discussion, I have found.
 
Guppyfry said:
Hi there! I think some tough love is called for here. You need to set some rules and enforce them, and have real consequenses to not going by the rules, or living up to reasonable expectations.

I'd start small, but really really stick to my guns. I feel that you have allowed your son to emotionally manipulate you, and it has to stop.

I know for me, one thing that I can't STAND is the feeling that someone is trying to control me, so it get tricky - but at the same time, I understand that I need to respect other people's space and expectations (within reason - my reason lol!). So it will get tricky. That is why I suggest you start small - but make the consequenses something he really cares about so they have direct meaning to him.
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Yes I see what you mean and I agree. I need to start small.
 
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