Aspie Parents Research

[Häxan]

I am a diagnosed autistic mother who has 3 children, two of which are also autistic. I am not sure if you are still looking for some input but if you are let me know.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Hi,

If you're interested I can answer the questions from the point of view of a NT mom seeing the interaction between aspie dad and now 11 and 14 yr old children.

I am a diagnosed autistic mother who has 3 children, two of which are also autistic. I am not sure if you are still looking for some input but if you are let me know.

Aye, you both are welcome to give input. =)
Especially since mine is still a toddler, so I really have no idea what autistic parents do with older children aside from things I read here and there on blogs and forums.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Giving an update to let people know I haven't forgotten. I've gotten the "story" roughed out fairly well and I'm practicing a simple cartoonish style for the illustrations. I'll be posting a couple of pages soon, I hope.

Input is always welcome and any discussion is encouraged, whether coping with a parent on the spectrum or being a parent on the spectrum yourself. Or just chatting about kids and families in general.

 

[Beverly]

What challenges did you have? Were any of your challenges something other parents found easy?
My worst challenges were when my daughter was an infant. She could not speak to tell me what was wrong and, I could not interpret her crying. I changed her diaper, fed her and put her back in her crib where her toys were. I didn't know what else to do to quiet her and, crying is one sf the sounds that annoys and aggravates me.

What were some things you found easy to do? Were some things much easier for you than other parents? Once she could sit up on her own, entertaining her was very easy for me. She enjoyed stacking things and that included sheets of paper so, I gave her discarded songs, old set list and such to stack. Made removing the trash later easier for me.

Did you find yourself to be a more lax or strict parent? I think I was a lax parent. I did not force any religion on her, I allowed her to date at 12, taught her to drive at 14, bought her a car when she got her daytime only license at 15, curfew for her was 11 PM on school nights and, none on weekends unless we were in a city that had a curfew. (She traveled with me full time.)

In what ways did your stimming help or hinder interaction with your child(ren)? For me it had no effect. I did not know I was likely on the spectrum until she was an adult and, I had learned long before that I had to do what needed to be done rather than fidget so, I did what needed to be done even if I wanted to do my motions or sounds.

In what ways did your sensory issues help or hinder interaction with your child(ren)? I am sensitve to high pitched sounds and, any flaw in speech irritates me to the point of anger. Crying and toddler speak were near impossible for me to tolerate. I fear she was something of an ignored child until she could speak properly.

In what ways did your social graces help or hinder interaction with your child(ren)? At the time, I was living a rather public life most of the time, so when we had private time, I wanted to be quiet and not speak to anyone, my daughter included. We learned to play games in silence and, invented our own sign language as a game to see who could be quiet the longest.

In what ways did your specialties (knowledge, craft, talents, etc.) help or hinder interaction with your child(ren)? I am a good cook so, making my own baby food for her was natural for me. She got a healthier diet as a child as well. I am also a musician so, I used that to entertain and soothe her.

If you're married (or have some kind long-term partner you live with), did you find that sometimes they had to do more than usual due to your weaknesses? Or less due to your strengths? Or some mix of the two? My partner was not her father. I nether asked nor expected him to have anything to do with her but, he did do family things like going to amusement parks and the zoo with her when I was too stressed to take her out.

Optional: How many kids have you got and how old are they? Only one of my own, she is 25 now. I also have three step children, ages 32, 34, 36 but, they were adults before I met their father.

Optional: What are your comorbids, both diagnosed and personally suspected? How did they come into play when raising kids? I have nothing officially diagnosed, I was misdiagnosed once with BPD but, I am now a self diagnose Aspie and, suspect social anxiety with OCD tendencies as well. I didn't give any of that much thought while she was a child so, it didn't come into play that I noticed.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Thankie!

I feel your pain with those little high-pitched voices, sometimes my son will get excited and shriek and it makes me want to shriek! Mine likes to stack things too, oddly. He'll stack cans, blocks, and other things. Sometimes I'll take pictures of them when he makes a tall tower.

 

[watersprite]

Just wondering how is this going AsheSkyler, and encouraging you, too. I think this is a great idea. Also, a way to have a paper copy as you said, would be good. Maybe even one where a person could customize one or two places (fill in a blank). Anyway, I've just been thinking about this lately.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I have a few pages made up. Trying to rhyme it. What's a kids book without rhymes?
It's a little disorganized, but I'm working on it.

This is my momma. She has Asperger's Syndrome. It's not easy to say!
Momma likes to roll my ball with me for a long time. She loves to play.

Momma likes a lot of my TV,
and will sing along with me.

We go hiking a lot. And she knows EVERYTHING about bugs!
Momma doesn't like it when I poke her. But she loves my squeazy hugs!

Sometimes when I'm bad we both have to have a time out.
Or we go outside where we can play real loud.

When I have a booboo, she's my nurse.
She keeps me calm and from feeling worse.

"Stimming" can make her hands flappy.
I love to bounce on her feet.
Sometimes I'll get really happy,
and make her fall out of her seat.
[Excited kids grabs Mom too hard and throws her balance off so she falls off the chair.]

Sometimes when it's close to bed, I can't fall asleep.
She'll rock me forever, then tuck me in nice and neat.

Momma forgets a lot of things, like when to clean.
Our refrigerator is covered in lists, but she's not mean.
The bottom is reserved for me, for all my art to be seen!

Momma remembers lots of things, like being small.
She let's me help her carry laundry down the hall.

I don't like brocolli. Mom thinks it's gross too.
But we get our vitamins by drinking veggie juice.

I try to be quiet and sneak away.
I do things I shouldn't when I play.
But Momma has the ears of a bat.
She finds me no matter where I'm at!

Sometimes I climb up really high, but my grip doesn't last.
If Momma sees me start to fall, she can move really fast!

But sometimes Momma moves really slow.
I threw a ball to her and hit her on the nose!

Who says that special blankets are just for kids?
I have mine, she has hers, and we stay hid.
[Both of them snuggling under their blankets.]

Momma can be very clumsy. She stumbles and drops stuff.
I like to help because nobody else can pick it up fast enough.
[Considering washing dishes and show a little hand holding up a fork.]

I've got a few more I'm working on.

Meltdowns are the hardest part. Not from guilt over what I've done, but because I can keep my voice down and not make any threats until somebody is following me around, spit-screaming in my face, threatening to hurt or kill me, and then saying I'm the one with the anger problems when I start snapping back or tensing up to defend myself. In my experience, repeatedly, it's allistic people that have no control over themselves.

 

[watersprite]

I have a few pages made up. Trying to rhyme it. What's a kids book without rhymes?
It's a little disorganized, but I'm working on it.



I've got a few more I'm working on.

Meltdowns are the hardest part. Not from guilt over what I've done, but because I can keep my voice down and not make any threats until somebody is following me around, spit-screaming in my face, threatening to hurt or kill me, and then saying I'm the one with the anger problems when I start snapping back or tensing up to defend myself. In my experience, repeatedly, it's allistic people that have no control over themselves.

This is really good. I might send you a poem I wrote to my kids.

But: AsheSkyler who the h*** is threatening you?

Reading this gets my hackles up.

 

[inabox]

maybe you have already thought about this or maybe it's not of interest.
but my friend used this
https://www.lulu.com/
to publish something, so I thought I would mention it just in case.

 

[AsheSkyler]

This is really good. I might send you a poem I wrote to my kids.

Thankie! I'm not much of a poet, so most of them make me wonder what I was thinking when I wrote it.

But: AsheSkyler who the h*** is threatening you?

Reading this gets my hackles up.

Amusingly, somebody who says they were once asked if they were autistic when they were a kid. Most days they're fine, but some days they are a prime example of why good mothers don't let their kids get beat up by every kid on the playground for years at a time. Among many other things good mothers don't do.

maybe you have already thought about this or maybe it's not of interest.
but my friend used this
https://www.lulu.com/
to publish something, so I thought I would mention it just in case.

I've thought about Lulu off and on for various projects over the years. The other one I was considering was Ka-Blam since they did fairly decent with a short story I had made and are possibly more cost effective for buyers.