Aspies and hugging

[@iam_cloud]

Maybe I should ask - does anyone else feel something akin to "pain" or "extreme discomfort" when touched in certain places? Or is it just me?

I can totally understand this. It's almost like coming in from the cold to a warm room, everything starts to tingle a little. I get it when my face or neck touches someone during a hug. Also side hugs are like that (either hug me or don't, but pick one people). It's kind of like my nerves are trying to escape. That sound creepy and weird, I know.

 

[paloftoon]

I rarely initiate hugs because usually not much of a touchy-feely person. As a male, some people might think I'm making sexual advances, or inappropriate advances depending on the age of the person, and plus most people I don't know to a strong degree like that anyway. :/

 

[Hidden]

I usually like hugs from my parents, or if I have a boyfriend/love interest. Otherwise, it annoys me. It also annoys me when I'm sitting next to someone and they come in contact with my arm or leg, etc. Then they don't move, and I have to instead.

Yeah, that's annoying. I pull away, and then they look at me all weird-like and offended. Sighs.

 

[Anon88]

Hahaha soooo true. They give you the "how dare you" look.

Yeah, that's annoying. I pull away, and then they look at me all weird-like and offended. Sighs.

 

[Marycv]

I like to hug, but I feel uncomfortable to be touched. I get squeamish when someone touches me, especially my parents. I hate especially when someone puts their hand on my shoulder. I can't stand it. I sometimes shake hands. If I know someone well, I'll give a quick hug. I won't hug on my own, the person does it first. If I don't hug or shake hands my parents get mad. They think I'm mean. For people I know well I'm not too bad, but someone to don't know well I won't let them touch me.

 

[icesyckel]

It's funny, but sometimes it really doesn't bother me as much as others, and so my wife recently implied that she thinks this is not related to AS/ASD, which in turn implies that I simply don't want to be close with her, which of course isn't true (I would know).

It's not just the hugging actually, and we talk (argue) sometimes (not all the time) about what is/is not attributable to AS/ASD. Since I don't use the Dx as a "cop out," and always agree to work on my behavior, I don't see the relevance of this line of inquiry except so as to assure her that, if it is related to AS/ASD, then this serves as more evidence that my quirks have nothing to do with her. I only bring up AS/ASD to provide her with reassurance of that.

Didn't mean to hijack. Bottom line is, strangely, my issues with contact come and go. I don't ever care to be touched on the head or stomach, which I find "painful" for lack of a better adjective. I find the back of my neck can be insanely ticklish sometimes but not always, and so I avoid being touched there as well. Hugging risks contacts with all those areas, especially when unexpected, and so it makes me nervous.

 

[SyAn]

Whereas I don't like to be touched anywhere really, I adore hugs, especially giving, but also receiving when I am prepared - go figure . . .

 

[Nanda]

For me, hug has a huge amount of "it depends". Its hard to explain, but here i go.
See, i can pass easily by a neurotypical person for those who not know me. I'm a very quiet/silent person, but under specific occasions (have to much to do, feeling overwhelmed by the noises and people, worries, etc.) i can be very agitated or shutdown.
When i get agitated i can talk too much, for my parametres of course. In this case i can hug someone, but has to be people i know VERY WELL and yet it feels akward and some times uncomfortable. I almost never initiate a hug.
When i'm in shutdown mode i get very weird. Even the touch can be like a mental burn that provoke waves of anger and others feelings i can't seem to be able to named, all mixed together, even voices sometimes, if the person with me change they tone of voice. its had to deal with it without being rude.
Normally i dont like hugs too much or people who like to be very close to me (boyfriend never understood that, some times hug was too much and all i wanted at this time was push him away. In other times just a hug was the best sensation i could ever had, i know its controversial). I considere touch or hug without permission as very rude.
By nature i'm not the type of people who show affection,and feel very awkward when i do, so i would like people that i care about to know that through the efforts I make for them and the time I spent to keep them. I can not be the best company in the world or the best person to comfort someone, but I try my best hoping to be sufficient.
All this situations get me frustated sometimes, but it is what it is.

Aaahhh, its hard to explain, there's many feelings and situations that one normally dont see around.

(sorry for the all the ramble)

 

[The Penguin]

I don't have any issues with it.

 

[artfull dodger]

Most times I do not like being hugged, unless I am feeling sick or upset/sad then I more want to just be held and not hugged. I have sensory issues with touch, don't like to be touched when sleeping and most of my body doesn't like being touched.

 

[Samantha mcbay]

I hate people hugging or toughing me, i especially hate it when people try to hold my hand. It just feels intrusive and smothering. I've always hated it even from family and people I care about. My sister was a hugger and very effectionate but I couldn't stand it. I've always had so much difficulty showing people I love and care about them because my way is more practical like washing the dishes for them, doing things for them ect. I also have a lot of trouble letting people in. My sister died of cancer when she was 22 and I was 23. I always regretted that I didn't hug her. I wished i hugged her. I love my sister but I didn't ever really show her least not in a way she would have understood. With my kids I've been determined to be different so from the time they were I've always cuddled them and now it's just a natural thing for me to do but I'm a little frightened that as they get older I'll struggle with it. It isn't that I don't want to be hugged its just i can't stand it when actually happens. Most of the people I associate are a lot older than me and there's one woman who treats me a lot like a daughter and she started hugging, like really hugging last year and for some reason she only person I've ever in my entire life allowed to do that. I can't make sense of it except maybe because I've not really had mother figure in my life and I'm craving that. Not being able understand yourself is extremely frustrating.