Autism and friendship

[h.hartzzx177]

Being autistic made you a better or a worse friend?

Do you have multiple friendship at once or you can just concentrate on a single person, ignoring or settling the others?

Are you "jealous" of your friend/s?

I guess it depends on the perspective of the friend. Some found me judge-y while others found my honesty reliable. I was never good at lying or keeping small secret so some thought I was untrustworthy. Sometimes I was told I "took things too seriously", even when I didn't think I did.

I have multiple friends at once, but my group tends to stay small. There are other people I'm comfortable communicating to, but I don't consider them friends anymore due to recently learning that friendship is more than that.

I used to get jealous of my friends because of emotional permanence. If they were focused on a friend that wasn't me, I didn't feel as if they were my friend? I have gotten better with that.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I went to a Christmas gathering last night with a social group we hang with. left the bar for a small after party at
a friend who lives close by, got to his house first question I Asked when I sat down was how is you grandson doing
I knew his grandson had been diagnosed as being on the spectrum, Then he said some thing that surprised me,
" I was on the spectrum when I was young grand son got it from me", but my dad beat it out of me" I did not have the heart to tell him you are still on the spectrum, masking. My revelation even my friends who I think are NT are so good at masking even I can not pick them out until I start knowing them better.

 

[daniegirl6224]

Being autistic made you a better or a worse friend?

Do you have multiple friendship at once or you can just concentrate on a single person, ignoring or settling the others?

Are you "jealous" of your friend/s?

I only have one real friend at a time. I think autism makes me an extra loyal and committed friend. I don’t get jealous of my friends, but I do wish I was better at being social.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I currently have a handful of friends, most do not know each other, starting to figure out they are fellow Aspies.

 

[RemyZee]

I have generally one friend at a time, and beyond that it gets really complicated, and at times I don't really have any sensation of friendship as something I need in the way nt people do. Most of the time when I'm around people I'm waiting for it to end and not because I don't believe in humanity but because it is confusing, exhausting and embarrassing sometimes to just stand there in my own shoes.

 

[Shamar]

Most of the time when I'm around people I'm waiting for it to end and not because I don't believe in humanity but because it is confusing, exhausting and embarrassing sometimes to just stand there in my own shoes.

Same here, except I don't have all that much faith in humanity.

 

[MROSS]

The best experiences offer healthly challenges - that is challenges met by stepping-out of one's comfort zones - another challenge in itself.

Personally, the most favorable experiences likely come with meeting trusted, thoughtful NTs (or NT-like) people who are reasonably aware of (HFA) High Functioning Autism e.g., Aspergers. This proves elusive - esp. considering that quality people are hard to find, and keep.

 

[Misty Avich]

I usually attract people who are highly empathetic NTs or are neurodiverse themselves, although I can clash with other ADHDers for some reason. Also I have more male friends than female friends, both offline and online. I know and talk to a lot of people but I don't think I have as many friends as I should have.

 

[AprilR]

I usually attract people who are highly empathetic NTs or are neurodiverse themselves, although I can clash with other ADHDers for some reason. Also I have more male friends than female friends, both offline and online. I know and talk to a lot of people but I don't think I have as many friends as I should have.

I am the same in that i also attract high empathy people or people who are neurodiverse or have other differences.

I feel somewhat guilty with high empathy NTs as i feel like i don't have much to give them and the relationship is off balance. I feel like my friendships with other neurodiverse and disabled people were more balanced.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

the last quarter of this year has been very rough for me, 3 negative things have occured to me that had nothing to do with dating.

On September 7th, my Dog of almost 15 years passed away, on October 13th, i injure my ankle, torn ligament, could barely go to work and was unproductive for like a full month, then October 26th, my best friend ghosted me, he just cut communication with me out of the blue, and i haven't spoken to him at all in any form since then.

 

[Outsider]

I don't know how good of a friend and I'm not sure I want to speculate on it. I can tell you that I spent the weekend doing photography with an NT friend and he kept hugging me and telling me how much he appreciates me. Everyone likes to be appreciated (I think), but not everyone likes to be hugged.

No touchie. Please.

I have multiple friends, but not a lot. I tend to spread out my contact with them. No jealousy. It's a waste of energy anyhow.

I’m a male NT. I don’t like hugging men. My philosophy is simple – if you’re a man, suck it up! As for hugging women, I make sure if they like being hugged before doing something that might displease them A lot of NT women don’t like being hugged, they are no different from autistic women in this respect.

I understand body language very well, so I don’t have to ask a woman explicitly if she wants to be hugged or not.

It seems to me that your NT friend has a little understanding of the body language. You might be surprised, but plenty of NTs cannot correctly interpret subtle body movements.

My advice is to ask someone to politely tell your NT friend that you don’t like hugging. Instruct that person not to tell your friend that it was your idea to let him know how you feel about hugs and kisses on the cheek. This strategy won’t affect your friendship negatively.

 

[velociraptor]

My advice is to ask someone to politely tell your NT friend that you don’t like hugging.

I told him myself. It's not really a friendship if you can't be honest about stuff.

 

[RemyZee]

There has only been one period of life for me where I could say I experience real friendship in my early 50s. Before that I had one friend for 2 years and then the rest of the time it was the "they went away and I didn't know why" phenomenon. The one time I had a genuine group of friends was in California in the Sierra Nevadas foothills. It's a small mountain town, an art town where every summer the young people would come to harvest marijuana I moved to to live in a small town. I met a group of people at a maker space about 10 years older than me who became like family. They'd all come to the Sierra Nevadas in the 60s to join a commune. Wound up being teachers and techies, but all artists who collaborated and their lives centered around art. They were extremely accepting and welcoming and we constantly hD dinner parties....probably the only people I've ever felt comfortable around but I am a person who does desire limited friendship and having that group makes me know it is possible

 

[MROSS]

Quality people are both hard to find, and even harder to keep.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

I've been extremely lucky with friends in my life, generally i find myself in a group where i don't need to do much to maintain friendship. They know im a bit odd and sometimes too honest/socially blunt, but i think they kind of appreciate it.

several years ago (around the time i found out i am autistic, started going to a psychologist, and joined this forum) i had one of the most difficult friendships I've ever had, and i am no longer speaking with that person for my own mental wellbeing. Fortunately not a difficult thing because i now live across the country.

That said, i feel many of my friends don't require a high level of investment, and we are just naturally close. I am occasionally jealous of their romantic lives, or rather the apparent ease that romance and dating comes to them. I've voiced this to one couple, who are the only friends in this city who I've told I'm autistic.

I have a very hard time keeping up with friends outside the area i live in. Though i would still consider them friends, we hardly talk. But when i see them in person again, we a friendly to each other.