Autism at another level.

[ucrenegade]

My big issue has been being to blunt in a neurotypical world. I fear I may even be to blunt to autistic people in this forum. Is that possible?

 

[Raggamuffin]

Speaking your mind is seen as a positive. It does depend on context though. But, as the old saying goes "honesty is the best policy".

Personally I sit on a lot of unspoken truths and thoughts which is all part and parcel of the ongoing mental health issues. I mask a lot, because if I spoke my mind I'd be out of a job and probably lose a lot of friends. I think it's to do with emotional regulation. If I blurted out my thoughts when I was annoyed, it would be catastrophic.

Ed

 

[Martha Ferris]

I try to be tactful but the older I get the less I want to be bothered with walking carefully so as not to step on peoples toes. I don't have any toes to step on. I am not easily offended. I try to make my comments based on supportable evidence so while people may object to my tone they have little standing to object to the content of what I say.

 

[musicallessness]

my therapists tell me write a lot that way i have a way of self talk in my head and it helps with one of the four types of communication. well, there are other types of communication but these i find i use the most.
1. verbal
2. nonverbal
3.written (as you start writing a lot you tend to be able to write in the imagination as both people are talking)
4. visual (imagine what the other person is say by visualizing the words they are using)
bonus
5. tone of voice
6. the patterns of words and the rhythm
good luck

 

[1ForAll]

Yes, I am a believer in speaking my mind, but try to usually do so in a constructive and more positive way so as the message is heard more than the emotion. I guess my pet peeve though is when for important issues others in life speak their mind using assumptions, accusations, unfair judgments, and opinions based on not sound reasoning, but because of biases, little attention to details or facts, lack of open mindedness, or some emotion which clouds their reasoning or the truth.

 

[Suzette]

I have had people insult me with cruel remarks and then claim "I am just being blunt".
Being an a-hole does not really qualify as "blunt".

I don't tell people what I think of them. They don't care, they won't change and it serves no purpose.

If my opinion is asked or if there is a descicion to be made that affects me I speak my mind.

Then again, my world has become very small since retirement.

 

[LadyS]

Communication is all about tact, context, and intent. It's not just what you say, but how you say it, timing, and response expectations. Humans are emotional beings so how a person receives your communication does matter, even though the content should speak for itself. Knowing your audience helps.

A good question to ask yourself is, what are your intentions when speaking your truths and what do you wish to achieve? Some people try to elicit an emotional response or for shock value, or get emotional because they're passionate about what they want to say. In those cases don't be surprised if many react in a negative way.

Being blunt is sometimes needed, but not in most cases. People can defensive when spoken to in that way. That's where context matters. I've been blunt many times, but too hard with emotional beings. Everyone has boundaries, even autistics. We all receive info differently through our own lenses.

 

[Magna]

My mom told me countless times in my formative years: "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." That was good advice but also shaped me to remain silent in the majority of social situations. I think that's both good and bad.

 

[Suzette]

From many of the comments here, including my own, it is clear that many if us think of "bluntness" as giving opinions or insults.

But maybe the best synonym is "abrupt". At times I can be abrupt with my thoughts.
For example: We were meeting friends at a restaurant with outdoor tables and had our dog with us. When we arrived there was another table with a dog and that dog was barking and agitated. My husband was still getting our dog out if the car so I said the other table "Is there going to be problem..."

I had not finished my sentance but the man with the barking dog instantly thought I was being challenging. He got really nasty and insulting and would not let me finish my sentance or explain. Perhaps my choice of words was too abrupt?

(My sentance was going to be "Is there going to be a problem if I bring my dog on the patio?")

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I greatly value a person that can be honest and open, but there's a fine line you have to walk.

We all must ask ourselves these questions, especially online: Do you know the person well enough to give them a hard truth? Do you know how they'll react? Or are you simply disrespecting someone in order to just speak your piece?

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

If my wife asks those this dress look good on me, I tell her the truth some times, no you should change.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Bluntness,...direct language,...poor sense of social nuance,...brutal honesty,...whatever. I think you have to be somewhat on the spectrum to appreciate this way of communicating. It gives insight into the "truth" of the person delivering the message,...the veil has been lifted. Yes,...sometimes you can step into a big pile of poop,...but I will take being truthful,...at least my interpretation of the truth,...over trying to gently deceive someone with soft, indirect language and "little white lies".

"Does this dress make me look fat?"...."No,...your butt does."

 

[ForestGumpett]

Quite honestly (pun intended and useful), one of the reasons I’m here is because people like me I thought would understand my bluntness and I would understand theirs and we would “get” each other in that folks are not mean just blunt.

I’ve been called painfully honest, well, I wish others were more honest with me so I knew where we stood with each other. Like everyone else I can be an ass, but I also can be the best friend you ever had and would risk my life for a friend so there is that.

Is honesty an Aspie trait? I really have issues with liar’s and always have but had my own family that I should have trusted stab me in the back, so this makes me more turned off by liars.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I've always had an issue with honesty,

 

[KimS]

Funny timing, I just had some conversations with friends and mentors on this topic. Feedback, especially advice, is such a field of landmines I've learned its best for me to avoid. There really aren't that many situations in which I would have enough experience and knowledge to share anything helpful, and its plain foolish to take advice from a fellow novice. So I try to keep my mouth shut unless I'm pretty sure I have useful notions to contribute.

Even in those few situations in which I'm sufficiently knowledgable, feedback is still generally a waste of time. 95% of people really don't want that honesty they asked for, they're anxious and are seeking reassurance they're doing just fine as is. I've seen so many creatives get stuck in the feedback cycle in which they seek out others who will keep telling them they're doing awesome and then they all stop advancing in their craft. Sad but common.

My mentor recently posted some thoughts that stuck with me. If you can tell the difference between good and bad feedback, you don't need more feedback, you need to trust what you already know and move on. If you can't tell the difference, you're not so good at this and you need to get a real expert to help you.

 

[Fino]

I've always majorly, disastrously had this problem. You just have to keep trying to teach yourself to catch your thoughts and reword them in a more agreeable manner. And sometimes you can ask yourself, "Does this really need to be said?" and a lot of the time it doesn't.

 

[Aspychata]

It depends on who l am talking to. If at the forum, l try to be polite.

 

[Booknerd515]

I'm more comfortable talking around autistics and those who have been through trauma rather than others. More than a few neurotypicals have been rude to me because they don't think it's possible someone could have been through that much in one life time. I'll be blunt with them since that's the only way I've gotten a few of them to understand. Most I've encountered with anxiety have difficulty going through a few panic attacks so they wouldn't know how to get through multiple a week that I experience which I'm relieved because not everyone should have to experience those as frequently as I do. Part of the reason why people think I have PTSD is due to how high my anxiety and depression levels are.

How I speak is similar to how I write if I'm comfortable around someone else-I talk a lot. Most of the time I'm very shy and won't say a word or look into someone else's eyes because I'm afraid of verbal backlash. So if someone lets me talk to them, my brain can't help but to go on and on about talking of something I have an interest in. I picked up a medical interest when I was younger so I could talk more to doctors about stuff they actually understood so they thought I was smart. Several ones with actual degrees have suggested I look into medical researching and switch out of my current major even.

If someone's nice I won't have to though many don't like talking to people with trauma because I have to explain certain things to people when I meet them because I'm sensitive-I'm not trying to get them to be my therapist. If they show enough red flags I ignore them. I can't be absolutely honest around everyone because if I told them about how bad my undiagnosed PTSD was they think I should be in a mental ward but I'm not allowed to go to one. I've lost count of how many times I've been asked how I've managed to stay sane, and I really don't know how I have.

 

[ucrenegade]

I have had people insult me with cruel remarks and then claim "I am just being blunt".
Being an a-hole does not really qualify as "blunt".

I don't tell people what I think of them. They don't care, they won't change and it serves no purpose.

If my opinion is asked or if there is a descicion to be made that affects me I speak my mind.

Then again, my world has become very small since retirement.

I have embraced being a a&hole rather than being fake.

 

[SimonSays]

My husband was still getting our dog out if the car so I said the other table "Is there going to be problem..."

I had not finished my sentance but the man with the barking dog instantly thought I was being challenging. He got really nasty and insulting and would not let me finish my sentance or explain. Perhaps my choice of words was too abrupt?

(My sentance was going to be "Is there going to be a problem if I bring my dog on the patio?")

This is interesting to me. I don't believe your choice of words was too abrupt per se, it was the fact that you felt the need to pre-empt what you imagined could be a problem that gave rise to that whole thing.

What if you had just let your dog come over as you'd simply intended? If there was going to be a problem it would quickly become obvious and then the two of you would work out how best to deal with it. The fact that you felt the need to ask a question that he couldn't really have known the answer to, created the possibility of being so misunderstood that he didn't even allow you to finish your sentence.

Is the spontaneous imagining of what you think might take place and saying something about it an autistic response, or is it merely a weird misunderstanding arising out of the need to say anything about the future at all?

EDIT - Additional bit...

Your example reveals that while in 99/100 similar situations, you would have been able to complete your sentence and he would have understood what you’d meant without making any assumption that you were being confrontational, feeling that you were expecting him to do something about the barking because it was bothering you, makes me think that saying anything in those kind of moments isn't necessary at all.

While it may have been the problem you had envisaged after all, and most people would probably have thought exactly the same way as you, so most reasonable in predicting it as a possibility, it reveals how fast your mind works and how much that puts you into the future, and while that does happen to me, where I say something too soon, the realisation that nothing actually needed to be said, is quite a powerful one.

You might say that in my case, I tend to go the other way, so that I don't say a word when actually I really should. I let everything happen in whatever way it's going to and just deal with what takes place as a result, rather than being a few steps ahead and doing something about a future that does not yet exist.

It may definitely be right to say something sometimes, but there are enough occasions where I realise there was no need to, so I have made it my practice to step back. In other words to observe the situation and be in the actual present, rather than in my mind's creative idea of what the future is going to be, even if it's literally just moments from now. I suppose it's all about what does it mean to be in the truly actually really present moment?