Autism & Empathy

[Giraffes]

Long ago, I heard and read a bunch of articles about how people with Autism Spectrum Disorders don't feel empathy, or sympathy. That was the main reason I thought I wasn't on the spectrum, because I have some empathy.

I feel emotions, but I can't always find a name for what I'm feeling. I check how I'm feeling physically, and sometimes deduce what I'm feeling, like "my fists are clenched, mouth is dry, and I'm sweating, maybe this is fear/anxiety".

I have been observing people from the outside for so long, that I can sometimes tell what they're feeling. When I'm in a group that is sad, and crying, I occasionally react the same way. I don't know if that's mimicking to fit in, or not, though. It gets extreme if someone is physically injured. Like, if I see someone twisting their ankle, I sometimes react as if I injured myself, as well. But I don't always know how to interact with a person emotionally. If I'm with someone, and they start crying, I'll be unsure what to do/say, debating actions in my head. "Do I put my hand on their back? Do I hug them? I want them to feel better, but I don't know what to say!!"

I have extreme empathy/sympathy for animals. More-so than people. Even if the animal just looks a little bit sad, I'll feel a twinge in my chest.

What are your experiences with empathy, and sympathy? How do you deal with your and other peoples emotions?

Very informative thanks for the information

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

I feel too. I often don't know what I'm feeling or how to feel at times though. Even physically if a doctor asks how I feel or to describe a pain to them, it's very difficult and I often describe it wrong.

Sometimes I'm numb and it takes a while to "regroup" and figure out how I feel. I often cry. But the world is wrong to say we don't have feelings.

 

[Giraffes]

Jared totally echo this, totally exhausted from pleasing people why choice but seems almost hard wired, think it connect with my low self esteem and fear of rejection.

 

[aspieoutlaw89]

some people said that people with aspergers don't feel empathy for anyone or anybody,but they were wrong,they all were.i feel empathy for those who went through what i went through,because i know what it felt like when i did.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I feel empathy for people. My church friends and colleges know I am very polite. I always apologize over anything even if I am talking too much. My family on the other hand say I don't have much empathy which is why they annoy me.

 

[GrownupGirl]

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[Rasputin]

I am very polite when I am outside amongst people from the Church however at home I am told I have little empathy when I get upset over something.

Tony, I hear the same complaints. Even my wife complains that I have no empathy. When others become emotional, I remain calm and logical, and attempt to resolve whatever their issues are. It was explained to me that most people need to be listened to in order to validate their feelings, and they feel invalidated when you try to help. I do not understand this emotional need, and would rather take care of the problem as opposed to whining about it.

 

[Bro'Freak]

I have what could be described as a strong empathy to animals & a somewhat
strong empathic response to people. Though I've noticed in my later years (I'm
now 45) that I can switch it off rather rapidly in regards of people. Though I
might still care for how they do, I realise my own boundaries & abilities. Before I
could help people without getting emotionally charged, just an instant right response
to helping. But now it's all a bit different.

The last few years were surprisingly sad & I've struggled to deal with a strange
melancholy after the death of a friend from cancer. I was involved in providing
care for this individual whom I'd known for years (at least since I was 16) & it
was a sad journey seeing the whole damn progress of cancer as it took over. I
was visiting him at least 2 or 3 times a week to bring supplies, clean laundry etc
whilst he was in hospital. Lol we were even arrested for weed by the police at
one point, which was an annoyance but didn't result in charges.

Though now after all the pain & loss I find that I have a wall I can hide behind
when it comes to people & I'm not sure I like it. I had to distance my self from an
older friend as I was getting increasingly drawn into his interactions with the
Police & the state regarding his wife & a Depravation of Liberty Order that was on
her. One thing after another you could say, I even had to sort out a car being
stolen by their carer that the Police could not be involved in.. wtf. Lets just say
you'd probably have laughed at the method I used to get the car back. But now I
find my self aware of internal changes, unsure of what logic switch changed it
might be age, it might be experiences.

If I could go back 5 years I would in a heartbeat, to look after my friends better,
be less trusting of others whom caused issues, to love my loved one maturely. I
am still empathic, but I'm less inclined to chuck all my energies in these days I
suppose. Though I will admit a little secret.. I do love everyone tbh so good luck
out there & stay safe.

 

[BrokenBoy]

So I'm the only ASD person that doesn't feel empathy?

 

[Alexej]

So I'm the only ASD person that doesn't feel empathy?

Nope I dont think so.

Thought you might be the only one to admit it - but I will join you and say I have low empathy too (read none)

 

[discus150]

I don't respond with much sympathy when it seems someone is doing for attention. Which I think people perceive as unsympathetic. Also I think others reaction may be disproportionate or unhelpful to the situation. The students with autism I observed seem very empathic to those who are hurting, but struggle knowing how to help.

 

[christopher.k]

Cognitive empathy at first until I get to know a person well at which point it becomes true empathy where I can sense how they are feeling without words

 

[Pistachio]

Cognitive Empathy is what I have difficulty with. I don't just "see" what someone is thinking (and I think it's creepy that other people do), I expect them to tell me. I would think that's what talking/speaking is for. If you have something to communicate, please just tell me, don't hint at me. I actually think this is one of those defining features of autism/aspergers.

Affective Empathy, I have tons of, to the point of getting in the way lots of times. I pick up on a vibe in the room so to speak, and it can bring me up or down depending on what's going on. I have to make a concerted effort to NOT be affected by the people around me. I have to focus on being very matter of fact to avoid not picking up on their stuff instead. In other words, complete my task, and then maybe take notice of what someone else is experiencing, blocking out "drama" as best I can.

Some people might see me as cold but I'm really just trying not to be sucked into whatever's around me. I actually have tons of empathy and sympathy for people. I often think it must be kind of nice to just not be affected by stuff.

 

[SDRSpark]

Cognitive Empathy is what I have difficulty with. I don't just "see" what someone is thinking (and I think it's creepy that other people do), I expect them to tell me. I would think that's what talking/speaking is for. If you have something to communicate, please just tell me, don't hint at me. I actually think this is one of those defining features of autism/aspergers.

Affective Empathy, I have tons of, to the point of getting in the way lots of times. I pick up on a vibe in the room so to speak, and it can bring me up or down depending on what's going on. I have to make a concerted effort to NOT be affected by the people around me. I have to focus on being very matter of fact to avoid not picking up on their stuff instead. In other words, complete my task, and then maybe take notice of what someone else is experiencing, blocking out "drama" as best I can.

Some people might see me as cold but I'm really just trying not to be sucked into whatever's around me. I actually have tons of empathy and sympathy for people. I often think it must be kind of nice to just not be affected by stuff.

You explained that perfectly. This is exactly how I experience things (and couldn't put into words as eloquently as you just did.)

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I've met some fellows, with autism, who were warm and empathetic, like me.

I feel overwhelmed by people's emotions sometimes, and mine involuntarily mirror theirs. I want to hug sad people so badly, but I know it'd be socially awkward to hug strangers or coworkers who don't know me intimately.

I decipher the nuances of people's emotions very well. Autism excludes empathy? Nope. Debunked.

 

[BrokenBoy]

Nope I dont think so.

Thought you might be the only one to admit it - but I will join you and say I have low empathy too (read none)

I can feel empathy at times, but I need to relate to that person's problem so it's a self centered empathy. I can also feel empathy to the pain of people I think are marginalized unfairly like jews and people with psychiatric disorders I don't have.

 

[AngelaS267]

I cry for people a lot... Like a lot a lot. I get angry when someone tries to hurt my friends feelings... But I may come off looking disinteresting if it's more casual. Sometimes I have a bad habit of being too quirky and chipper when people are anxious or stressed. That's me trying to peppily reassure you that it's going to be okay, but it always seems to be misplaced. I definitely have empathy, it just doesn't always look like it.

 

[SimonSays]

I'm not sure I ever really know what someone is feeling outside of something obvious just being understood.
And there are times when I don't feel anything about what I'm seeing other than just to know I'm seeing it.
But unexpectedly, there are other times when I feel emotion welling up; something has touched me, moved me, perhaps it has slipped in through the mask.

For a long time I would feel something but not really know what it meant. A day later my subconscious might suddenly present me with an 'aha' moment. "Oh, so that is what it's like to feel...this". It made sense. I wondered why it took so long to know, especially as the people around me seemed to know their feelings instantly.