Autism validation

[Kevin L.]

Hi guys.

One thing I've heard for much of my adult life from my family--and now I'm hearing it from college professors--is the following statement:

"Autistic people usually have a special, obsessive, all-consuming interest. If you made normalcy your special interest, than you wouldn't be autistic anymore . . . and since you choose to not make normalcy your special interest . . . well . . . that's why you choose to be autistic."

How does an autistic person respond to this in a positive, healthy way?

I get this from my family, my management at work, and the administration and/or professors at school.

What does one say in response to this?

 

[Raggamuffin]

What they're saying is deeply offensive in my opinion. A lot of people on the spectrum mask in order to try and appear normal. It can become a tiring and emotionally painful thing to try and manage.

Ed

 

[Kevin L.]

One thing I forgot to include is the idea that I'm not trying to do what it takes to fix my issues, which means that getting accommodations from school and work is like an alcoholic or a drug addict who is being enabled, and enabling an alcoholic makes the disease progress . . . so giving me accommodations will make my autism worse.

Again, how does one respond to this in a constructive, healthy way?

I have gotten into trouble because I've told people (sometimes in administration) to go f---k themselves before I walk away.

 

[OkRad]

What the [expletive deleted]? Ignore those people. Ask him if, choosing not to be an a-hole means learning to live in the world, and because he is still being an A-hole , that means he is choosing to be an Ahole. What a narrow minded, vacuous, lore-less, incredibly daft ignoramus. Waste no more time on fools.

 

[Kevin L.]

What they're saying is deeply offensive in my opinion. A lot of people on the spectrum mask in order to try and appear normal. It can become a tiring and emotionally painful thing to try and manage.

Ed

Thank you.

 

[Raggamuffin]

To be honest, your original quote had me thinking I would probably want to respond in a similar way to how your second post ends...

Ed

 

[Kevin L.]

What the [expletive deleted]? Ignore those people. Ask him if, choosing not to be an a-hole means learning to live in the world, and because he is still being an A-hole , that means he is choosing to be an Ahole. What a narrow minded, vacuous, lore-less, incredibly daft ignoramus. Waste no more time on fools.

Thank you, and I agree . . . but this has to do with my job and school.

 

[Kevin L.]

To be honest, your original quote had me thinking I would probably want to respond in a similar way to how your second post ends...

Ed

Thank you, but I need to stay in school and complete my commitment to my education, and telling school administrators to screw off interferes with this.

 

[OkRad]

Thank you, and I agree . . . but this has to do with my job and school.

Then you must bow and scrape and learn to suck up the rage. Try Meditation .

 

[Kevin L.]

Then you must bow and scrape and learn to suck up the rage. Try Meditation .

Thank you.

 

[Kevin L.]

What I would like is a valid, rational argument that I could use to counter this so that--when I walk away--I'm not just validating what they say, and strengthening their resolve to "refrain from enabling me like an alcoholic."

 

[Magna]

Ableism in a big way. Autism isn't a choice. It's not simply an outward set of behaviors. The outward behaviors are a manifestation of the person's neurology.

• Would the same professors say that a person with Tourette Syndrome should just choose to stop their tics? Why not? They're just choosing to have tics I guess.
• How about telling someone with ADHD that they should just choose to focus more and if they're trying hard enough their ADHD will be gone? I guess they're just choosing to have ADHD.
• Depression: Someone should just choose to happy, right? It should be that easy. I guess they're just choosing to be depressed.
• I guess autistic people like myself who have strong sensitivities to things like sound, touch, taste, light, smell. We should just try harder to stop having those sensitivities. If we still have them I guess that means we're choosing those sensitivities.

Very ableist.

 

[Martha Ferris]

First what they have said is ignorant. They obviously know little about ASD. It is like saying homosexuality is a choice. You could try to entilighten them. Do you have an official diagnosis? Do you have a therapist? Both of these would help.
Secondly responding by telling people to F*** off is counter productve. Even being autistc we still have choices to make and you can choose not to say this even if you think it. Think before you speak. Will what you say be of benefit to you? If not then keep your mouth shut.
Thirdly would these people say what they say to the accommodations that are required for people in wheelchairs?
Autism cannot be compared to addictions. Addictions are acquired and autism is about how our brain is made.
Now explore the options offered by social services or student resources and perhaps get an advocate trained in dealing with those on the spectrum and the challenges they face to help you. You don't have to go it alone. I don't know where you live but in the U.S. there are laws about discriminating against the handicapped. There are more ways to can advocate for yourself but it depends on where you live.

 

[Kevin L.]

Thank you.

My parents--when I told them that things like certian lights, sounds, and odors--caused problems, they automatically had to do more of it to me so that I "would get used to it" so it "wouldn't be a problem anymore."

With my professors, I have to constantly fight about my accommodations. When I wear dark glasses (flourescent lights), they get offended, and I have to complain to my disability services.

The disability services back me up, but then I get ostracized and marginalized by the professors in a passive way (by pretending that I don't exist, or refusing to acknowledge my questions in class . . . and so forth).

When I try to talk about this, they say (approximately, from memory): "I was trying to help you, but you're insiting that all of these rules shouldn't apply to you, so why should I help you with anything extra when all you'll do is file complaints anyway if you don't get your way.

"So, if you have questions, then bring them to disability services so that they can bring them to me. That way, I won't have leave myself open to problems, and everything can be aboveboard so that I won't have problems just because I tried to hold you to the standards to apply to everyone else.

"You don't want to be singled out because of your disability, yet you complain when I treat you like everyone else . . . so I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I have to teach a lot of students, so I don't havd time for this.

"Bring all your questions about my material to disability services, and then they can ask me."

 

[Suzette]

I think you need to get a college mediator involved. It sounds to me that these professors are willfully ignoring your needs. Obviously you can not continue to plead with disability services. You need higher authority here because narcississts like your professors are going to continue to hamstring you and up the ante. You need to "kick them in the balls" so to speak and get their attention.

Consider bringing this to a disability lawyer to help you decide how best to proceed and help you draft an agument your professors can not ignore.

Best of luck to you!

 

[James45]

What is normal? What they say makes no sense.

Unfortunately the gains made in any societal system (in this case education) are usually offset by ignorant people and inefficient protocols, as long as the gains are greater than the losses, then continue and except the people's ignorance and lack of empathy as the cost of using the service to advance your own personal well being and knowledge.

If the losses outweight the gains, change direction/service/location.

 

[Kevin L.]

I think you need to get a college mediator involved. It sounds to me that these professors are willfully ignoring your needs. Obviously you can not continue to plead with disability services. You need higher authority here because narcississts like your professors are going to continue to hamstring you and up the ante. You need to "kick them in the balls" so to speak and get their attention.

Consider bringing this to a disability lawyer to help you decide how best to proceed and help you draft an agument your professors can not ignore.

Best of luck to you!

Thank you very much.

 

[Kevin L.]

What is normal? What they say makes no sense.

Unfortunately the gains made in any societal system (in this case education) are usually offset by ignorant people and inefficient protocols, as long as the gains are greater than the losses, then continue and except the people's ignorance and lack of empathy as the cost of using the service to advance your own personal well being and knowledge.

If the losses outweight the gains, change direction/service/location.

Thank you.

 

[Kevin L.]

One thing I for got mention is that all of my professors are not like this, so I don't want to create the impression that it's everyone.

I have one teacher whom seems to understand . . . the others? Not so much.

 

[James45]

One thing I for got mention is that all of my professors are not like this, so I don't want to create the impression that it's everyone.

I have one teacher whom seems to understand . . . the others? Not so much.

That is excellent news, have confidence in yourself and good luck in your studies.