Autistic “bluntness”

[Neonatal RRT]

Autistic people are considered to be very blunt and forthright, no nonsense and all that. But the autistic people I’ve met (including most on this forum) are not blunt, not at all, not in the least. We seem to be equally prone to pussyfooting around all of the same things so-called “NTs” do and politely discussing whatever—and never actually getting to the point, not in any meaningful way.

It’s one of the most surprising things about autistic people I’ve experienced since being diagnosed. I have such a difficult time not telling it the way I see it—and of course sometimes I’m wrong, sometimes spectacularly wrong (as are we all), but still, I can’t not sugar-coat things.

Do you consider yourself to be blunt? And why, or why not? Is bluntness actually an autistic thing, or is it just a thing that some humans (autistic or “NT”) possess?

In general,...it's my understanding that autistics are more likely to use direct language rather than indirect language and the opposite true for neurotypicals. However, as you've observed, there are neurotypicals and autistics that use indirect and/or direct language. I suspect these traits are better seen at the extreme ends of those bell curves, with a fair amount of overlap in the middle.

Neurotypicals, in general, are more likely to use indirect language with someone they are trying to assess or not offend. The technique will be asking some clarifying questions about a situation before actually getting to the point of a request. "How's your day?" "Are you busy?" "Did you get lunch?" All the while building up to the final request of "Can you help me?" My wife used to pull maneuvers like, "The trash can needs to go out the curb tomorrow." Then later, "The trash bins in the house are starting to get full." At no point did she directly say, "Gather the trash in the house and put it in the bin out in the garage." She wanted to make statements and give me clues to what she wanted, but then get upset when I wasn't responding to her.

Now, having said that, autistics can be prone to "info dumping" and make long-winded posts like this. Clarity is important. This may be interpreted as not being direct and "beating around the bush". One of the things that really turned me off to social media sites like Facebook is people posting cryptic one-line responses, creating all sorts of drama, a whole thread of mudslinging, and perhaps only at the very end, there is clarity. I tend to get ahead of all of this by making a more thought-out response.

 

[thejuice]

Autistic people are considered to be very blunt and forthright, no nonsense and all that. But the autistic people I’ve met (including most on this forum) are not blunt, not at all, not in the least. We seem to be equally prone to pussyfooting around all of the same things so-called “NTs” do and politely discussing whatever—and never actually getting to the point, not in any meaningful way.

It’s one of the most surprising things about autistic people I’ve experienced since being diagnosed. I have such a difficult time not telling it the way I see it—and of course sometimes I’m wrong, sometimes spectacularly wrong (as are we all), but still, I can’t not sugar-coat things.

Do you consider yourself to be blunt? And why, or why not? Is bluntness actually an autistic thing, or is it just a thing that some humans (autistic or “NT”) possess?

My father is very blunt, probably undiagnosed apsergers. He is blunt to the point that you might think he is making an anti pc statement and embracing not giving a hoot in old age. No job to lose, not many friends to care about. It's very annoying sometimes, other times amusing depending on who he is criticising!! If you get upset it's because you're too sensitive of course.

Me I'm usually accidentally blunt because it takes my brain a few extra seconds to catch up with my mouth sometimes.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

My bluntness is my discomfort in lying must admit it bothers my wife I have to tell her "happpy wife happy life does not work with me".

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I like watching u-tube videos, stroke makes it hard to be active. Most blunt person who I like watching is interviews of Thomas Sowell he is about the bluntest person you can get. Really gets to the point.

 

[AuroraBorealis]

I can be very direct (and maybe blunt, too), but I know how to beat around the bush and be polite and adapted, too. It was a learning process, though. Growing up, it happened repeatedly that I'd say something completely normal (at least it seemed that way to me), only to be confronted with an upset, tearful, sulking person whom I, apparently, had offended or hurt. Those situations felt awful because didn't know what about what I had said had been hurtful, and usually I apologized over and over, still without knowing my error, until eventually I'd be forgiven. Later, it wasn't that bad anymore but I still got told that I was "too direct", "blunt" and "rude". I then turned into a people-pleaser who did not want to say no to anyone and was constantly afraid to hurt someone, neglecting my own boundaries and feelings. I'd write endless (professional and non-professional) e-mails to over-explain myself to make sure I was being clear and didn't hurt anyone, and probably overdid it with the small-talk and smileys, too. By now, I'm trying to get some balance in. I guess it's useful that I learned how to communicate that way, but I'm trying to re-learn how to be direct, honest and blunt, because it still feels natural to me and just is so much less tiring.

 

[marc_101]

I can be very direct (and maybe blunt, too), but I know how to beat around the bush and be polite and adapted, too. It was a learning process, though. Growing up, it happened repeatedly that I'd say something completely normal (at least it seemed that way to me), only to be confronted with an upset, tearful, sulking person whom I, apparently, had offended or hurt. Those situations felt awful because didn't know what about what I had said had been hurtful, and usually I apologized over and over, still without knowing my error, until eventually I'd be forgiven. Later, it wasn't that bad anymore but I still got told that I was "too direct", "blunt" and "rude". I then turned into a people-pleaser who did not want to say no to anyone and was constantly afraid to hurt someone, neglecting my own boundaries and feelings. I'd write endless (professional and non-professional) e-mails to over-explain myself to make sure I was being clear and didn't hurt anyone, and probably overdid it with the small-talk and smileys, too. By now, I'm trying to get some balance in. I guess it's useful that I learned how to communicate that way, but I'm trying to re-learn how to be direct, honest and blunt, because it still feels natural to me and just is so much less tiring.

This sounds a bit like my experience although I never reached the people-pleasing stage. I try hard, though. Just the other day a colleague from another state told me that I had been "disrespectful" in Zoom meetings, but I have no clue what it is I did. I asked a colleague who knows me well here, who was also in the meetings, and he didn't know either. Perhaps he didn't want to tell me or he knows that I mean well.

Sometimes I get it, other times, it's a mystery. I usually get in trouble for saying what I think. Most people tell a sanitized version or prefer to stay quiet.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

That's why I was fearless when employed I had no issue debating managers. let them know they were wrong see my avitar sat on my computer during my tenure inside joke at plant. Do not ignore take seriously.

 

[Jonn]

Perhaps trauma is why a lot of autists are too afraid to be as blunt, as they would be if they had grown up with less bullying and marginalization?
I censor myself an awful lot, sad, but true.

This is possibly true for many on the spectrum.
However, some autistics are renowned for being stubborn and refuse to be psychologically intimidated.
Personally speaking, emotional blackmail doesn't work on me.

BTW, the term "blunt" can include the concept of not considering the other person's feelings when confronting a perceived Truth.
This may be accurate at times, but I doubt most of us have the intention of looking for conflict and inflicting pain.
I see it more as a case of fidelity to the truth.
Defence of the Truth.

Regarding censorship:
I am anti-censorship but with obvious caveats.
However, these days I put more effort into being diplomatic while maintaining my integrity.

As an autistic group, our tendency to be blunt/direct has a significant influence on how we perform socially and is a major factor in social conflict, imo.
I am speaking from personal experience here.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I was never bulled brighter than most of my friends intellectually challenged constantly by my younger and older brother at every turn. which toughened me and made me fearless in debates.

 

[Jonn]

In general,...it's my understanding that autistics are more likely to use direct language rather than indirect language and the opposite true for neurotypicals. However, as you've observed, there are neurotypicals and autistics that use indirect and/or direct language. I suspect these traits are better seen at the extreme ends of those bell curves, with a fair amount of overlap in the middle.

Agreed.

She wanted to make statements and give me clues to what she wanted, but then get upset when I wasn't responding to her.

Perfectly autistic. lol
Yes, NTs need to be direct with autistic ppl.

 

[Jonn]

He is blunt to the point that you might think he is making an anti pc statement and embracing not giving a hoot in old age.

Reason would suggest the possibility that I may be your father.

Yes, I too care less about the consequences of saying it as it is the older I get.
However, the intention is not to be insulting.

We don't have that much time left.
We don't need to waste time pussyfooting around.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I'm currently watching blow back with the me too movement and the feminist agenda. like in science does the theory stand up or can it be falsified, currently worried ladies my daughter in law can have the family she wants first kid in late forties after all nature does nor care about our opinions. Other thing I learned bright does not make right irrespective of education.

 

[Neri]

This is possibly true for many on the spectrum.
However, some autistics are renowned for being stubborn and refuse to be psychologically intimidated.
Personally speaking, emotional blackmail doesn't work on me.

BTW, the term "blunt" can include the concept of not considering the other person's feelings when confronting a perceived Truth.
This may be accurate at times, but I doubt most of us have the intention of looking for conflict and inflicting pain.
I see it more as a case of fidelity to the truth.
Defence of the Truth.

Regarding censorship:
I am anti-censorship but with obvious caveats.
However, these days I put more effort into being diplomatic while maintaining my integrity.

As an autistic group, our tendency to be blunt/direct has a significant influence on how we perform socially and is a major factor in social conflict, imo.
I am speaking from personal experience here.

I'd say you're probably talking about more of the male ones than female ones though.
We tend to have a high survival need not to be ostracized even more than we already tend to be.

 

[thejuice]

Reason would suggest the possibility that I may be your father.

Yes, I too care less about the consequences of saying it as it is the older I get.
However, the intention is not to be insulting.

We don't have that much time left.
We don't need to waste time pussyfooting around.

I think most of the time he doesn't mean it to be insulting.
I'm sure you've seen most things all before and have less patience for nonsense!

 

[Jonn]

I'm sure you've seen most things all before and have less patience for nonsense!

Yup...

Age usually brings greater life wisdom.
However, there are things I could say that I don't bc ppl simply won't accept something that challenges their way of seeing the world.
This adds to the frustration.
But we all need to discover what the world is all about ourselves.
"Such is life." <shrug>

 

[Neri]

I think that I am direct, but, I've worked hard at not being blunt, for the simple reason that bluntness gets interpreted as rude and insulting. I still say "TMI" things though, so I have to severely limit my social exposure.

 

[Jonn]

I think that I am direct, but, I'm worked hard at not being blunt, for the simple reason that bluntness gets interpreted as rude and insulting. I still say "TMI" things though, so I have to severely limit my social exposure.

"TMI" is what we do. lol
Often another reason some ppl avoid us.

I guess "direct" is a better word than "blunt".

 

[Cryptid]

I prefer the word 'blunt', although 'direct', 'concise', and 'to-the-point' will also suffice.

And the "PC Police" can go chase themselves.

 

[Jonn]

I prefer the word 'blunt', although 'direct', 'concise', and 'to-the-point' will also suffice.

Are you saying you don't care if your bluntness offended someone?

 

[Cryptid]

I prefer the word 'blunt', although 'direct', 'concise', and 'to-the-point' will also suffice.

And the "PC Police" can go chase themselves.

Are you saying you don't care if your bluntness offended someone?

I am saying that I will be truthful, but I will not deliberately offend someone unless they offend me first (and maybe not even then). If some people are offended by the truth, then that is their problem, and not mine.