Autistic client worries about behavior with other staff

[Rodafina]

This is pretty outrageous. Forgive me for my fast reaction here, but I am having a very hard time understanding you and your communication style, and I am extremely concerned for your client.

I feel very sorry for this man. It sounds like the rules there are really unclear. He should know exactly why he is not allowed to go to the group, and exactly when he will be able to return to it. It should not be at the discretion of someone who complained about him.

You asked how can you tell if he is bothering other staff?

Also outrageous. You should be in communication with your staff and have professional conversations about how clients are doing and how their behavior is evolving while they attend the program. People not understanding boundaries enough that they attend a program are not “bothering” people. They need guidance and it sounds like your staff need the same.

You said that he is high functioning autistic, in the profile you even put down Aspergers… That describes most of us here. If someone came to a public forum and was speaking of me in the way that you are speaking of your client, I would be extremely offended, distrustful, and hurt. Speak to your staff, speak to your client as a human being.

Once again I will offer that I may be misunderstanding this whole situation, but I do not understand the way you are communicating the issues, the questions you are posing, and the information you are offering. I’ll remove myself from the conversation and hope that someone else can help you, but I really hope that you can find more warmth, respect, and understanding for a person in your program that you are meant to be supporting.

Tell your client to join us here and we can help him.

 

[jduth]

This is pretty outrageous. Forgive me for my fast reaction here, but I am having a very hard time understanding you and your communication style, and I am extremely concerned for your client.

I feel very sorry for this man. It sounds like the rules there are really unclear. He should know exactly why he is not allowed to go to the group, and exactly when he will be able to return to it. It should not be at the discretion of someone who complained about him.

You asked how can you tell if he is bothering other staff?

Also outrageous. You should be in communication with your staff and have professional conversations about how clients are doing and how their behavior is evolving while they attend the program. People not understanding boundaries enough that they attend a program are not “bothering” people. They need guidance and it sounds like your staff need the same.

You said that he is high functioning autistic, in the profile you even put down Aspergers… That describes most of us here. If someone came to a public forum and was speaking of me in the way that you are speaking of your client, I would be extremely offended, distrustful, and hurt. Speak to your staff, speak to your client as a human being.

Once again I will offer that I may be misunderstanding this whole situation, but I do not understand the way you are communicating the issues, the questions you are posing, and the information you are offering. I’ll remove myself from the conversation and hope that someone else can help you, but I really hope that you can find more warmth, respect, and understanding for a person in your program that you are meant to be supporting.

Tell your client to join us here and we can help him.

What did I do something wrong?

 

[Rodafina]

What did I do something wrong?

I just can’t understand you. I’m not the only one here, though. There’s a whole host of smart and capable people here that may be able to help you.

 

[Lysholm]

I have to say I'm impressed anyone cares enough to come here and ask for advice in these situations. I'm sensing you've been pushed to this by a lot of stress, but it takes drive and effort for sure. So good on you, OP. I want to encourage you to keep following your intuition as it appears to serve everyone involved better than some run-of-the mill clock puncher.

My two cents is to ensure you are very familiar with policy and repeat the rules to this client as often as necessary. Your job is to enforce the rules and guide the social atmosphere so it is the most welcoming and productive. In this situation your best bet will probably be to keep reassuring this client while being firm with the rules and explaining your actions clearly. He obviously wants to be good, helpful, and included, but you won't be able to convince him he is succeeding at this, so just keep him in line as best you can and let him figure himself out within the social boundaries at work. Your consistency will be vital to him acting predictably.

IMO you should also talk to this woman occasionally, without prompting, to let her know you are being vigilant for her safety and comfort on site - if she knows she has backup she'll have more confidence to interact with this client (and others) in a healthy, professional manner. It seems obvious this guy has no ill intent, but that's only going to feel real when "the system" is working and she has agency to enforce her own boundaries at will.

I want to point out that @Rodafina is offended for a good reason: autistic folks are never placed in charge and so are always subject to the whims of authority. Everyone up the ladder has the ability to casually destroy things in an autistic's psyche, and no one is inclined to believe said autistic when they try to express themselves or get just treatment. It's a fairly dangerous game we play when dealing with society in whatever ways we can. I'm not offended by anything you've written, but I have different experiences and sensibilities.

 

[Crossbreed]

One thing that you could try is to only assign male staff to his case. What looks like "stalking" may just be an unregulated "crush." (That part of our lives is commonly where our "developmental" disorder shows up.)

I had so much recoil from mis-assessment of my romantic standings --almost like a romantic PTSD-- that I over-compensated and probably missed some actual come-ons by erring on the side of caution.

My wife had to be the aggressive one for me to finally feel like I had permission to think of her in that way.

 

[Rodafina]

@Lysholm ,
Thank you for taking over with reason and usable information and also for your understanding. Much appreciated.

 

[jduth]

I have to say I'm impressed anyone cares enough to come here and ask for advice in these situations. I'm sensing you've been pushed to this by a lot of stress, but it takes drive and effort for sure. So good on you, OP. I want to encourage you to keep following your intuition as it appears to serve everyone involved better than some run-of-the mill clock puncher.

My two cents is to ensure you are very familiar with policy and repeat the rules to this client as often as necessary. Your job is to enforce the rules and guide the social atmosphere so it is the most welcoming and productive. In this situation your best bet will probably be to keep reassuring this client while being firm with the rules and explaining your actions clearly. He obviously wants to be good, helpful, and included, but you won't be able to convince him he is succeeding at this, so just keep him in line as best you can and let him figure himself out within the social boundaries at work. Your consistency will be vital to him acting predictably.

IMO you should also talk to this woman occasionally, without prompting, to let her know you are being vigilant for her safety and comfort on site - if she knows she has backup she'll have more confidence to interact with this client (and others) in a healthy, professional manner. It seems obvious this guy has no ill intent, but that's only going to feel real when "the system" is working and she has agency to enforce her own boundaries at will.

I want to point out that @Rodafina is offended for a good reason: autistic folks are never placed in charge and so are always subject to the whims of authority. Everyone up the ladder has the ability to casually destroy things in an autistic's psyche, and no one is inclined to believe said autistic when they try to express themselves or get just treatment. It's a fairly dangerous game we play when dealing with society in whatever ways we can. I'm not offended by anything you've written, but I have different experiences and sensibilities.

Yes. He asks what will happen if he does that same behavior with other staff and I’ll do anything I can to resolve it.

 

[Lysholm]

I’ll do anything I can to resolve it

You probably can't. I wish I had an answer, but dwelling on social issues and obsessing over faux pas is just part of many autistic people's lives. You aren't his therapist and you shouldn't try to be - I say this as a friendly wake-up call that "fixing" the problem isn't going to be a fruitful endeavor. You have other responsibilities and you can do the most good by focusing efforts where you have power to make changes and encourage empathy/tolerance (from him or others).

I'm guessing it's gotten out of hand enough that you're here kinda grasping at straws. And the pressure is on you, specifically, to rein in his behavior. But, if you work at an "outreach" facility for people with disabilities, where non-specialists are hired to supervise special needs people every day, then I'm guessing you are not getting enough support to do your job. Which is typical for these places, and I don't have a resolution for this either.

 

[Hypnalis]

@jduth

You're asking for the answer to a moderately difficult question in a bunch of fragmented one-sentence posts, that, in total, don't provide enough information.

If you're NT, you're being very lazy in your communication, and you're treating this as though you can solve the issue with one short sentence, if we would only give you the magic spell.
More than one possible "ASD characteristic" could have caused the original issue; more than one possible (set of) characteristics could be cause the current concern and reluctance to take risks. Some of the fault may lie with the original female(staff member?). I get that you need to exclude personal information, but right now here isn't enough data to work with

If you're not NT, and/or you're trying to fake the role: your communication is fragmented, and too hard to process. We may be able to help with that, but you have to engage.

In either case, be direct, clear, and provide sufficient information, structured so we're not interpolating from fragments. That way there's a chance someone can help.

If this isn't possible due to confidentiality requirements, you need a new plan.

 

[Au Naturel]

This is a tough situation. There are serious legal issues that could come up. You are vulnerable to a sexual harassment lawsuit. He needs to know that he can't be doing such things. As his supervisor you are responsible. That's how the law works. Everywhere I have worked in the last 20 years had a big sexual harassment training session for all incoming employees.

And the problem is that he may think he sees an NT doing exactly the same thing and she'll welcome it and he won't understand the difference. I didn't see the difference in high school and learning that lesson was really painful.

 

[Crossbreed]

That is unclear. People use that term for both ASD1 & ASD2.

ASD2 adults usually have a conservator for their finances.
ASD1 adults do not.