Autistic Men and attracting women

[Forest Cat]

I still think she could have said something to you too - or given you a card, etc. But it's so awkward when people don't know if their feelings are reciprocated or not, especially if they're friends already and don't want to risk their friendships! Especially when they're young.

No she didn't do anything wrong and she tried, she was just very sweet and a little shy. And I was an idiot. Anyway, the point is that sometimes people do not understand that someone likes them.

 

[Jordy]

If you want to attract woman you have to be an attractive person.

 

[Jordy]

Can't you entertain yourself? Guys usually have that covered. Some woman have had overbearing fathers, but it doesn't seem to apply that way.

Thats like telling a lonely person to just talk to themselves.

 

[Storm Hess]

ye


sounds about right. but what I want is sex

The harder you try, the more desperate you become. Here's an interesting read.
The Truth About Pheromones | Science| Smithsonian Magazine

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I think autistic guys sometimes miss the signals, they don't know that someone likes them. It happened to me a few times when I was a teenager and I know that because the women actually told me years later. I felt so stupid. A woman actually asked me why I had never tried anything when I used to visit her, we used to hang out.

She had been sitting there waiting for me to `make a move`. I had absolutely no idea, I liked hanging out with her and I didn't want to ruin anything or be too forward so I was polite and what I call normal. She had been so frustrated with me she said, I was at her place several times every week for a while. The word idiot comes to mind.

One thing that came out of my CPT was when I really had to look at one of the stuck-point messages I would tell myself; "Women never notice me." Really digging deep I saw the messages that some women were trying to communicate to me that I failed to understand and act upon. I think for a woman to do that takes as much effort as me asking them out, and I feel sad if I made them feel rejected. My loss. I was so inexperienced that in my first long term relationship I did not know how to move it into intimacy. It took a very special situation to make me feel comfortable about exposing my vulnerability.

 

[blue_bird]

I think autistic guys sometimes miss the signals, they don't know that someone likes them. It happened to me a few times when I was a teenager and I know that because the women actually told me years later. I felt so stupid. A woman actually asked me why I had never tried anything when I used to visit her, we used to hang out.

She had been sitting there waiting for me to `make a move`. I had absolutely no idea, I liked hanging out with her and I didn't want to ruin anything or be too forward so I was polite and what I call normal. She had been so frustrated with me she said, I was at her place several times every week for a while. The word idiot comes to mind.

I would have done the same thing. I'd rather miss out on an opportunity, instead of thinking "here's my chance" and end up looking really foolish or possibly being seen as some type of predator.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

especially if they're friends already and don't want to risk their friendships!

That was the idea my mind siezed upon when I was panicked and was about to sabotage myself. The first time I was bold enough to ask my spouse if she would like to make love with me was after a wonderful day that broke down a lot of my barriers. I was so anxious I blanked out her response and started talking aloud about such risk to our friendship. She made it clear that she assented and patiently told me that it was taking our friendship to a deeper level. Something I needed to hear, feeling very vulnerable at that moment. We still joke about her needing to get me moving in the right direction.

I am sure what @Forest Cat and I experienced is not uncommon. I am just very happy that by the time IT happened I was mature enough to have a mutually exciting experience that solidified our attraction to each other.

 

[StirnersRevenge]

Thinking that way I bet you are a chic magnet. Sure you are.

I was so socially and emotionally delayed that I am now happy that I did not experience an intimate relationship before i was prepared to handle one and not just think about my gratification. I had to practice being social which was easy in outdoor activity groups. And I started learning, through dates, the characteristics of a woman I could fall for in terms of character, values and interests. Yet I did not know how to take a relationship to intimacy. Then, I met my spouse as we carpooled to a trail maintenance trip. Having talked a bit prior to setting out she was nice. We had 4 days of shared experiences along the way. The last day was gorgeous and I was falling for her. I went waaaaaaayy past my comfort zone and she accepted me sexually. My life actually changed. I am happy we developed a friendship first and that I honestly let somebody through my physical and emotional boundaries. We are still together 44 years later.

Yeah, I should get drunk shouldnt I?

Here's the deal; I've never set out to get a girlfreind or partner before, and although Ive never had many freinds, I always got along fairly well with girls. However there's also the factor of my likely being bisexual.

Also- the plan is to hire a prostitute, no one I respect can be expected to deal with my ineptitude. It seems radical but on a logical level it makes more sense.

 

[StirnersRevenge]

I would have done the same thing. I'd rather miss out on an opportunity, instead of thinking "here's my chance" and end up looking really foolish or possibly being seen as some type of predator.

Yeah, its always very important to not get too close- like I said however I never had an urge to pursue anyone. If I did it would probably be to harrass them.

 

[StirnersRevenge]

But @Forest Cat, why should you be able to read the other person's mind? And why should the woman passively wait for the man to make advances? I think that's old gender bosh - if you make advances on people who aren't hoping you're gonna, it's sexual harassment.

So in Australian schools, there's this big thing about relationships and consent now, to say people should communicate clearly and verbally about stuff like this instead of doing guesswork. Even when they think they're getting positive body language - as some people's optimism seems to distort their perceptions...

Yeah that's what I was thinking you'd just head straight to the heavy metal chick then ask her if she wants to go to a mash pit with you.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Yeah, I should get drunk shouldnt I?

Here's the deal; I've never set out to get a girlfreind or partner before, and although Ive never had many freinds, I always got along fairly well with girls. However there's also the factor of my likely being bisexual.

Also- the plan is to hire a prostitute, no one I respect can be expected to deal with my ineptitude. It seems radical but on a logical level it makes more sense.

There are very different kinds of prostitution. From semi slavery, to people who have being forced economically to do that, to people who think they are being in charge and some years later will realize that it was not what they wanted to (finally) people who really enjoy prostitution.

I would guess that 90% or more of women who do prostitution does not enjoy it and many of them will develop all kinds of mental problems, including adiction to drugs designed so their feelings are blocked while they do the thing.

Most males want sex so much that we may not be fully aware of what we are doing on this girls minds while we use their bodies to have pleasure.

I bet that many men would change their mind if they knew what they are really doing.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[StirnersRevenge]

There are very different kinds of prostitution. From semi slavery, to people who have being forced economically to do that, to people who think they are being in charge and some years later will realize that it was not what they wanted to (finally) people who really enjoy prostitution.

I would guess that 90% or more of women who do prostitution does not enjoy it and many of them will develop all kinds of mental problems, including adiction to drugs designed so their feelings are blocked while they do the thing.

Most males want sex so much that we may not be fully aware of what we are doing on this girls minds while we use their bodies to have pleasure.

I bet that many men would change their mind if they knew what they are really doing.

Just my 2 cents.

I think this only applies to pimping or child prostitution- in Nevada this is an actual industry, and many women literally do not feel devalued by having sex, typically these are psychologically dominant women.

 

[Kalinychta]

I think this only applies to pimping or child prostitution- in Nevada this is an actual industry, and many women literally do not feel devalued by having sex, typically these are psychologically dominant women.

I can’t even imagine being in a position where I felt I had to have sex with a man for money. I think I’d vomit afterward. You’d really be okay with having sex with someone who doesn’t actually want you? I’d recommend you hold off and wait to meet someone you actually like and who likes you. It might screw with your head to go the prostitution route.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yeah, I should get drunk shouldnt I?

Here's the deal; I've never set out to get a girlfreind or partner before, and although Ive never had many freinds, I always got along fairly well with girls. However there's also the factor of my likely being bisexual.

Also- the plan is to hire a prostitute, no one I respect can be expected to deal with my ineptitude. It seems radical but on a logical level it makes more sense.

How do you know you would be inept? I had little experience with women and when things really came down to it, I was so focused on my partner's pleasure, which I found exciting too, that she thought I was experienced. Later she related that other guys never treated her like that which I found puzzling as I thought the whole object was to enjoy pleasing one's partner.

I think the first step is to get out and practice connecting with women with some light dating to understand what you like and progress from there. You may even get lucky though I have never had the experience of a woman just wanting me for sex.

 

[Jordy]

I can’t even imagine being in a position where I felt I had to have sex with a man for money. I think I’d vomit afterward. You’d really be okay with having sex with someone who doesn’t actually want you? I’d recommend you hold off and wait to meet someone you actually like and who likes you. It might screw with your head to go the prostitution route.

Sex workers actually do want to vomit from the man they have sex with, masking that is what makes someone good at the job. Sure they are desperate or forced into doing what they do, but their experience is the same as would be any woman that has to have sex with a man they don't want.