bad signs for a date

[aspieoutlaw89]

I haven't told him about my condition yet. I figured if he let's me into his place and I'm actually in it, then I can tell him about it. I'm glad I held off on that

Plus, he is only working part time and I am working full time with a part time side gig. . .

that's good !

 

[SimplyWandering]

I was in a similar situation 2 year's ago... Not sure why i let it go on so long... Nearly 8 or 9 weeks.

Guy was a half hour late to our first date ...which I chalked it up to traffic and understood.
2nd date he made plans to meet me after tennis lessons but then decided to cancel after back and forth discussions over a 2 hour period before lessons.

Date 3 he invited me to a restaurant told me he was borrowing his car from a friend and when we were sitting down to eat he got a call saying his friend needed the car back and he just kinda left me there in the middle of eating food.
4th date he told me to meet me at his place and when i got there , he said he'd be there in a hour, gave me the code to his house and told me to let myself in... Hour and half later.

5th date he invited me over and when I got there he said he had to meet with his staff and manager (he was running for public office)... I waited in his bedroom for over an hour, we were supposed to cook a dinner together.

At this point I was completely over it... Felt used the whole time. I think it was him being afraid of commitment/being "out of the closet." I told myself i would never allow someone to treat me like that again. I will only date people who respect both time and myself.

To OP: I would stay clear of a relationship like the one you are in. It seems 1-sided and unfair to you.

 

[paloftoon]

I said earlier: After the third date, when it had been about 3-4 weeks, I asked him if he was into me because it had been awhile. I also told him I'm not expecting him to go all the way, but if he wants to, that I could. He said he was into me.

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Poster from another forum:
Say what? Why on Earth did you say any of that?

Ya sorry. That's a hard pass right away.

'=============

My response:
I asked cause I wasn't sure and I felt like it took so much effort to meet up.

So, you're saying the fact that I felt like I had to ask that after 3 dates and even at all means it's probably just not a good match. It's an implication I guess of I probably want to connect faster than he does and/or he doesn't want to admit that he is not into me but making it seem like he is I think?

'===============

I think this poster made a good point. I can't argue it. It makes me sad, but I have to hear that hard truth. Just the fact that I felt that and actually asked that. We could pick at this and that all day. In the end, if it's really meant to work, these little things will not matter or be resolved sooner rather than never.

'===============

If I have a chance to meet him in-person again, I definitely need to prepare some reasonably hard, fair questions. Maybe even bring a piece of paper with them on- I know that sounds tacky- but it seems more important that I get the content in rather than the look at this point, lol.

 

[paloftoon]

After more thought and talking with another friend, I think I'd just be wasting my time. Unless I get contacted in several more days, I should just move on at this point.

 

[paloftoon]

Any recommendations on how to properly build intimacy with another person?

Apparently, just "offering myself up" is a complete turn off and probably the reason I lost my date.

This one seems like a good one.
Building Intimacy When Dating

 

[paloftoon]

Slow builds of things tend to be hard for me because I don't know if people are being authentic or not.

 

[paloftoon]

I keep going back and forth on this.

I'm thinking of texting him, but something short.

If I get any kind of response that is not a "yes" or if he doesn't show up, then I can disconnect after that.

Here's what I am thinking of texting. Something like:

Basically being stiffed for this weekend and probably this week for social gaffe(s) I have made, I can assume you're uninterested. Adding me to FB after the fact sends mixed messages. Do you want to talk in-person?


Lost cause, nothing to lose, both? What do you think?

 

[paloftoon]

Even though I got no responses to the above, I changed my text and I was able to say it on the phone instead since we couldn't meet in-person.

I left out "stiffed" and said something like:

Based on recent social gaffe(s) I have made, I can assume you're uninterested. Adding me to FB after the fact sends mixed messages. Do you want to talk in-person?


We spoke and I basically find out the guy is trying to discover himself.
He told me many people have ghosted him. I see why. People thinks he is ghosting them and it turns out he is ridiculously so absent-minded.

He really does want to be at least good friends. I like that about him. If he was into me intimately, we'd be a good match. I'm willing to put up with a lot, but no intimacy might be too for me for an ltr. I don't care how well a person "performs", but they do need to try.

I don't plan to depend on this guy as I have 3 other dates anyway. I will still try with him, and if he allows me to, we can discuss things that might be holding him up that he doesn't even realize are holding him up from developing and pursuing an ltr. Some of the things that I would discuss are based on my own experiences. I was kind of in this particular date's place before in a somewhat similar fashion.