Being able to detach

[Neia]

Were you ever able to "Leave your problems outside."?

One of the things I remember from my school days is how I was able to leave everything outside when I walked into a classroom.

I was bullied by the other students, and some teachers, all of my school days.

I must have been around 14 when I first realised that I could leave my feelings outside the door of the classroom, as I was walking into history class.

Some kids had been badgering me that day, and I can still remember how much I just wanted to run, disappear, get out of there. But as we started approaching the classroom door, I felt myself relaxing.
It was safe in there... mostly. I could focus on learning. I loved learning.

In an instant, it was as if I was in a different dimension.

I Realised in conversation that other students didn't feel like that at all.
They wanted to rush through the lessons so they could spend time outside with their friends.

For them the classroom was a prison.

I'm still somewhat like that.
My friends love nothing more than to go out to bars, pubs, clubs, etc.
I would rather go on a hike, alone or with them. Or better even, stay home alone all the time.
Only, these days, my ability to leave my problems outside has vanished, dissolved into yearned for memories.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

Learning to leave problems “behind” is a good skill to have. Amazing you learned to do it so young. I was well in to adult years before I started getting a grip on that skill.

Some of the tips for doing that are to put your problems in a balloon and let them sail away or put them in a box (some people even say a “God-box”)

 

[Outdated]

Where you ever able to "Leave your problems outside."?

No. My emotions, yes. I could always at least temporarily switch off my emotions so that I don't "feel" anything but my brain never stops working and if I've got unpleasant problems on my mind I never get any real peace from them. For me the only place I could ever really escape was when reading a book, that's when even my own brain would leave me alone for a little while.

 

[Outdated]

if I've got unpleasant problems on my mind I never get any real peace from them.

Writing about them helps for me, helps me to externalise and then apply logic.

 

[Neia]

No. My emotions, yes. I could always at least temporarily switch off my emotions so that I don't "feel" anything but my brain never stops working and if I've got unpleasant problems on my mind I never get any real peace from them. For me the only place I could ever really escape was when reading a book, that's when even my own brain would leave me alone for a little while.

I'm like that now.

I've always ruminated, but for a few years now, after I was around 25-ish, I started being unable to stop it unless I'm hyperfocused on something else.

Reading was my escape. I'd read my favourite books on a continuous cycle. Stopping only If I had something new to read.

I had a few collections of books, I love series, that I'd read one after the other and over again.

The Chronicles of Narnia, The Tripods, Dragon Riders of Pern, Harry Potter.

My books got so worn out that they started falling apart.

Now...

Sometimes I want to read something simple and my brain won't let me.
I need constant stimuli.

If I'm reading, doing crochet, playing any game, I also need background noise. Voices... someone speaking. Theology preferably. That way my brain gets fully engaged and I can stop ruminating.

 

[Neia]

Learning to leave problems “behind” is a good skill to have. Amazing you learned to do it so young. I was well in to adult years before I started getting a grip on that skill.

Some of the tips for doing that are to put your problems in a balloon and let them sail away or put them in a box (some people even say a “God-box”)

I can't do it anymore.
Not unless my mind is so completely engaged with several things at once, that nothing else is left for feeling the pain and worry.

 

[Rodafina]

Some kids had been badgering me that day, and I can still remember how much I just wanted to run, disappear, get out of there. But as we started approaching the classroom door, I felt myself relaxing.
It was safe in there... mostly. I could focus on learning. I loved learning.

In an instant, it was as if I was in a different dimension.

This makes perfect sense to me. This is how I felt as well - inside the classroom there was order, structure, a defined purpose, and a place to learn. But, free time outside was unstructured, unpredictable, full of social interactions, and always felt unbearable. I was lucky to not be noticed enough to be bullied. I would just stand alone and look at my feet, hoping some insects would come and keep me company. When the bell rang, I relaxed and got excited about the handwriting lesson or the science experiment we'd be doing inside.

I think your experience of leaving your feelings outside is indicative that you were able to stay in the moment then and practice what today is called mindfulness. You were able to consider the immediate circumstances before you and not have your experience interfered with by thoughts and worries of the past or the future. Like you said, now you can still do it if your mind is completely engaged. I think this is something that we can learn and something that I am working on, too. Processing thoughts and negative feelings and worries is important (long term repression can cause new problems), but they do not have to follow us everywhere we go.

 

[Tired]

For me my "escape" for a long time were video games, nothing else would help me not think bad thoughts. I recently discovered, that being in nature (alone) helps to some extent as well, and that drawing is also good for clearing the mind. But, of course, the thoughts still slip through sometimes, or just the unpleasant feelings. It's just always there, buzzing in the background, sometimes louder, sometimes quieter.

 

[AuAL]

@Neri,

“I must have been around 14 when I first realised that I could leave my feelings outside the door of the classroom, as I was walking into history class.”

I had my “lack of a sex life” discussed in my senior year physics class. (There’s a story to this but, unless you’re interested, it’s not interesting.)

“If I'm reading, doing crochet, playing any game, I also need background noise. Voices... someone speaking. Theology preferably. That way my brain gets fully engaged and I can stop ruminating.”

If I am playing Go, I will forget to eat, forget to drink (I have finished so many games to find a cold cup of tea next to me) the rest of the world goes away. I forget my opponent - they are just the agent of new moves appearing on the board. I do not hear my tinnitus (respite from 24/7 noise in my head.) Pure focus of mind.

@Tired, my only “spiritual” places are in nature. Maybe the thoughts of the trees are louder than mine.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Maybe the thoughts of the trees are louder than mine.

 

[Neia]

@Neri,

“I must have been around 14 when I first realised that I could leave my feelings outside the door of the classroom, as I was walking into history class.”

I had my “lack of a sex life” discussed in my senior year physics class. (There’s a story to this but, unless you’re interested, it’s not interesting.)

“If I'm reading, doing crochet, playing any game, I also need background noise. Voices... someone speaking. Theology preferably. That way my brain gets fully engaged and I can stop ruminating.”

If I am playing Go, I will forget to eat, forget to drink (I have finished so many games to find a cold cup of tea next to me) the rest of the world goes away. I forget my opponent - they are just the agent of new moves appearing on the board. I do not hear my tinnitus (respite from 24/7 noise in my head.) Pure focus of mind.

@Tired, my only “spiritual” places are in nature. Maybe the thoughts of the trees are louder than mine.

I also forget those "mundane" things.

Sometimes I wish we didn't have to eat or drink, but unfortuneately, I neglected that so much that now, if I don't eat and drink for a long time, the next time I go eat I feel pain.
The food gets stuck in my esophagus and sometimes starts being pushed back up and it gets difficult to breathe.

It's very scary.

Besides that happening, I also get dreadful headaches.

So... I'm forced to eat.

 

[Au Naturel]

The only way I was ever able to leave my problems behind was to become absorbed in something else. Fortunately, that kind of intense focus on a special interest came easily.

 

[Shamar]

Were you ever able to "Leave your problems outside."?

One of the things I remember from my school days is how I was able to leave everything outside when I walked into a classroom.

I was bullied by the other students, and some teachers, all of my school days.

I must have been around 14 when I first realised that I could leave my feelings outside the door of the classroom, as I was walking into history class.

Some kids had been badgering me that day, and I can still remember how much I just wanted to run, disappear, get out of there. But as we started approaching the classroom door, I felt myself relaxing.
It was safe in there... mostly. I could focus on learning. I loved learning.

In an instant, it was as if I was in a different dimension.

I Realised in conversation that other students didn't feel like that at all.
They wanted to rush through the lessons so they could spend time outside with their friends.

For them the classroom was a prison.

I'm still somewhat like that.
My friends love nothing more than to go out to bars, pubs, clubs, etc.
I would rather go on a hike, alone or with them. Or better even, stay home alone all the time.
Only, these days, my ability to leave my problems outside has vanished, dissolved into yearned for memories.

When I was being beaten up, I would "detach" myself from my body. I wasn't outside, but I could watch myself being beaten, and yet not a part of it or actually there. Hard to describe, but I think it was a protection move by my mind to avoid trauma. For many years, until I got EMDR therapy, these memories or visions would return at inopportune time. At least now I have some control.

 

[Aspychata]

My current relationship helps me focus on a lot of good feelings, which, on my own, doesn't happen anymore. I only focus on things out of my control. With this person, l focus on cooking, interest in how l look, and helping them relax. Otherwise, l fall into a very dark hole of depression and it has become worse this year. I internalize a lot of trauma in my life because sometimes you truly have no one to talk about an ongoing issue, so helping others here is very uplifting for me.

 

[Neri]

@Neri,

“I must have been around 14 when I first realised that I could leave my feelings outside the door of the classroom, as I was walking into history class.”

I had my “lack of a sex life” discussed in my senior year physics class. (There’s a story to this but, unless you’re interested, it’s not interesting.)

“If I'm reading, doing crochet, playing any game, I also need background noise. Voices... someone speaking. Theology preferably. That way my brain gets fully engaged and I can stop ruminating.”

If I am playing Go, I will forget to eat, forget to drink (I have finished so many games to find a cold cup of tea next to me) the rest of the world goes away. I forget my opponent - they are just the agent of new moves appearing on the board. I do not hear my tinnitus (respite from 24/7 noise in my head.) Pure focus of mind.

@Tired, my only “spiritual” places are in nature. Maybe the thoughts of the trees are louder than mine.

Oh, This is a case of mistaken identity. I think the post should be addressed to @Neia, not me, @Neri.

 

[Neia]

Oh, This is a case of mistaken identity. I think the post should be addressed to @Neia, not me, @Neri.

I'm so used to have my name be all mixed up that I didn't even notice that

 

[AuAL]

I'm so used to have my name be all mixed up that I didn't even notice that

My bad. Sorry.

 

[Neia]

My bad. Sorry.

No problem

 

[Roisin]

Were you ever able to "Leave your problems outside."?

One of the things I remember from my school days is how I was able to leave everything outside when I walked into a classroom.

I was bullied by the other students, and some teachers, all of my school days.

I must have been around 14 when I first realised that I could leave my feelings outside the door of the classroom, as I was walking into history class.

Some kids had been badgering me that day, and I can still remember how much I just wanted to run, disappear, get out of there. But as we started approaching the classroom door, I felt myself relaxing.
It was safe in there... mostly. I could focus on learning. I loved learning.

In an instant, it was as if I was in a different dimension.

I Realised in conversation that other students didn't feel like that at all.
They wanted to rush through the lessons so they could spend time outside with their friends.

For them the classroom was a prison.

I'm still somewhat like that.
My friends love nothing more than to go out to bars, pubs, clubs, etc.
I would rather go on a hike, alone or with them. Or better even, stay home alone all the time.
Only, these days, my ability to leave my problems outside has vanished, dissolved into yearned for memories.

Do you mean that your ability to leave your problems outside has left you?

It took until my 30s before I started to develop those skills and use them purposely.

Before then it would happen involuntarily during special interest activities, or like @Shamar mentioned during abusive situations I would depersonalise.

 

[Neia]

Do you mean that your ability to leave your problems outside has left you?

It took until my 30s before I started to develop those skills and use them purposely.

Before then it would happen involuntarily during special interest activities, or like @Shamar mentioned during abusive situations I would depersonalise.

My anxiety seems to be able to squash every good intention these days.
Just the thought of having to leave my house is enough to make me tremble like "green saplings in a breeze".
The only times I can detach now, are when reading an easy book (good fiction, no factual stuff), doing crafts, fiddling with my machines, watching a video, or playing a game.
Absolutely anything that makes me think about real life, causes my anxiety to go up.