Being alone does not seem so bad

[Carpe_Librum]

My preference for alone time began as a child.
My mum only ever threw me one birthday party when I was eight. I remember looking at the children gathered in my house, and getting just about past present opening before I took one present upstairs, a Mr Men jigsaw and after awhile I allowed one friend to come into my bedroom. I bored her with my focus on the jigsaw and she went back downstairs to play with the other kids. I was much happier in my room. I'm still always much happier in my room.

Being around others tires me. I do enjoy a certain amount of socialising but I run out of steam fast. I find it hard to understand people who like to be with others more. Until beginning to acknowledge that I may be on the spectrum I merely assumed I was a loner however it's more of a deep need. I too have taken myself off away from a partner into another area and felt irritation if they then seek me out to be with me. I also have my bedroom on a different floor to my children, because I find people being in close proximity even in next rooms can at times (depending on how my anxiety levels are) feel invasive. I hide my reasons for this very well. Space, I didn't want my boys to have to share as it's a three bedroom house etc and while that's true to an extent my underlying motivation is I feel better sleeping when the whole surrounding area is people free.

I can sleep next to a person and have been in long term relationships that of course mean you fall asleep and wake up together - but I will admit to sneaking off to the sofa at times not really knowing why. Just the relief of being alone is palpable.

 

[Judge]

Solitude was always a positive event for me, even in my earliest years. Which of course prompted my NT parents to pursue an evaluation with medical professionals to no avail. Of course at a time when the formal study of high-functioning autism really didn't exist in the medical community.

Too bad in my later years that such solitude was so awkward to explain (if at all) to my Neurotypical girlfriends who took it as a form of rejection. Though back then I wasn't even aware of my own autism.

I suppose personally I resent formal medical opinions which consistently cite isolation as an inherently bad form of mental health. A consensus that may well apply for Neurotypicals, but not necessary for the Neurodiverse.

 

[Carpe_Librum]

I just recalled the time I caused a huge amount of fuss because I was essentially forced to play with my mum's friend's daughter. Rather than alone.
I had one of those old fashioned wardrobes with a key - I told her to get in "for a game" then shut it, locked her in and went elsewhere to play.
I didn't do this with malice. I recall thinking she was irritating me but I really just wanted to be alone and as she wouldn't go away I acted on impulse.

I got in a LOT of trouble once they heard her banging.

 

[Autistamatic]

I am watching this now, but I cannot STAND the intrusive music that kicks in and out. I won't be able to watch it all, but I like this guy and I don't know why there are no comments.

The comments have probably been disabled by the uploader because it's a BBC programme which he doesn't have the right to upload, so probably doesn't want to draw too much attention. I'm glad it's there for people to see though
Chris Packham, the guy in the video, has been one of the UKs best known naturalists since I was a kid myself. His passion for nature was always very evident and quite infectious.

I talked about the need for solitude in the first Autistamatic video and it's a topic I'll be coming back to. There's truth in the idea that cutting yourself off from human contact is not going to be good for any of us in the long term. It's inevitable that one's people skills will get a little rusty which will worsen with time. An Aspie with already awkward social behaviour may find themselves becoming increasingly wary of dealing with people making anxiety worse than ever when we eventually are forced back into society for one reason or another.
NT people often don't understand that solitude may not be a choice for us - it is often a NEED. We could go completely fruit-loop if we can't get enough alone time. It's not just about indulging our special interests or not being particularly socially motivated - it's about staying sane. I'm lucky to have a wonderful wife who understands me very well and her company has never bothered me one bit, but I still have nights like last night where I stay up a few hours after she has gone to bed and work on a video, or watch something that's too sci-fi for her, listen to my favourite music, play a game or just sit, musing....
If we don't have time away from the stresses of dealing with people, we'd come apart at the seams in no time. Even people we are close to still cause an emotional drain on us at times.
The inner silence of getting away from the cacophony of human life is something most of us on the spectrum seem to need as much as some NT people crave company. I've known people at the opposite end of the scale from us, who would rather go and spend a night out with people they don't like, rather than be at home on their own. Each to their own, but I need time to collect my thoughts and relax my brain. I can't do that whilst maintaining the mask I do to be socially acceptable.
Severing all ties with society is not a healthy move IMO, but keeping it to a minimum, living on your own if you wish/can, enjoying your own company for the majority of the time - where's the problem in that?

 

[Judge]

NT people often don't understand that solitude may not be a choice for us - it is often a NEED. We'd could go completely fruit-loop if we can't get enough alone time. It's not just about indulging our special interests or not being particularly socially motivated - it's about staying sane.

It's a critical issue. One that IMO defines our autistic identity, yet also defines the neurological divide between the Neurodiverse and the Neurotypical. Worthy of much more discussion to explain ourselves in yet another attempt to reach some kind of understanding with one another.

 

[Autistamatic]

It is something I want to cover in more depth in a future video because it is a topic that comes up over and over, but a proper discussion on the subject is about due I think.

 

[Mattymatt]

A little over twelve years ago I moved to a small town that has a little less than 200 people in it. I have not had a friend since I moved out here and spend most of my free time in my room playing those video games. Some of the people I spoke to about this say it is not good for me to be alone all the time and that I need to be around more people. It seems that when I am around other people that my problems start. People will eventually say or do something that I do not like. Sometimes I accidentally do something that makes somebody angry and do not understand why. I also do not function as well around other people as I do by myself. When I am by myself none of these bad things happen and I seem to be happier. So now I am left wondering, why do some people think being alone is unhealthy?

As human beings we are essentially pack animals and those advising you are coming from that mentality. Society at large also tends to place great emphasis on social relationships. I trend towards being alone and often prefer it. If you find yourself happiest and most comfortable by being alone then by no means is it the "wrong" thing to do.

 

[Mattymatt]

It is something I want to cover in more depth in a future video because it is a topic that comes up over and over, but a proper discussion on the subject is about due I think.

And I would welcome your take on it too, @Autistamatic. Your videos are often very insightful.

 

[onlything]

I have the opposite to most people - I need time and place to be completely alone or I go crazy. How most humans can be such social animals is baffling to me. I know people that call others first thing in the morning and talk for an hour, then go to work/meet people, friends and family, then go party in evenings and call others again to talk again as soon as they are back home. Everyday like this. Just... How.