Being alone.

[Voltaic]

Oh, no. I don't mean it in a depressing, oh, I am so lonely, I need a girlfriend type alone, but the kind where you get home from work to a nice empty house all to yourself free (you're never free) of societies expectations. I am a completely different person when alone. I am hyper, unfocused, and just loligag around, chasing every thought, indulging in every impulse, not holding back, and enjoying the time. I am free to be the autist I aught to be. I have taught myself this. I am not forgetting about my self hatred when I say this, but that feeling is derived from the inclusion of other people, not when I am alone. I have trained myself to accept the weird, quirky, erratically un-normal self. When I get home, I take of the mask of perceived personality, I don't have to act, I don't have to do anything right or wrong, no one will judge me if I do wrong, so I just... Be me.

And my god am I a fun person to be with when I am alone.


Just an afterthought before I post. I enjoy the fresh air when I take my mask off, do you? Society wants us to act a certain way, sure. But I am not going to act accordingly when society is not around. I am thinking, if you act the same way at home alone as when you are out among people. Is your whole personality defined by the expectations placed upon you by society? Is there any 'you' left in you?

Food for thought.


So, to start a conversation, I thought I would open up a conversation on said topic.

 

[Bolletje]

I love my time alone when I can sing and dance, hold long, one-sided (fortunately) conversations with my cats, and scold inanimate objects, without people looking at me funny.

 

[Voltaic]

I love my time alone when I can sing and dance, hold long, one-sided (fortunately) conversations with my cats, and scold inanimate objects, without people looking at me funny.

I talk to my dog more than I talk to anyone else. He doesn't care what I say, he just likes the attention.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Also reading alone is far more relaxing.

The thought 'someone might be looking at me' 'what am I doing' prevents total immersion

 

[Progster]

Is your whole personality defined by the expectations placed upon you by society? Is there any 'you' left in you?

Aspects of my behaviour may be defined by the expectations placed on me by society, but not my personality. No one can take away from me who I really am. My personality is shaped by my life experiences, by my autism, possibly by genetics. Wearing a public mask is an example of how we might modify our behaviour to meet society's expectations, but it it isn't our personality, it covers up our personality and who we really are. This is why it is so important to have our own space, where we can be ourselves and set ourselves free again.

 

[Voltaic]

Aspects of my behaviour may be defined by the expectations placed on me by society, but not my personality. No one can take away from me who I really am. My personality is shaped by my life experiences, by my autism, possibly by genetics. Wearing a public mask is an example of how we might modify our behaviour to meet society's expectations, but it it isn't our personality, it covers up our personality and who we really are. This is why it is so important to have our own space, where we can be ourselves and set ourselves free again.

Huh, society plays a role in creating the mask. That definition can be separated from the mask that I was originally talking about. That part of the mask turns into part of your face overtime. You naturally accumulate bits and pieced of what you find acceptable in society into your own face.... let me sit on this thought

 

[LucyPurrs]

I love my time alone when I can sing and dance, hold long, one-sided (fortunately) conversations with my cats, and scold inanimate objects, without people looking at me funny.

Wow, you mean your cats don't talk back to you? Mine does and I love it- we have deep conversations about whether she should get more snackies or have to finish her food first.

 

[Bolletje]

Wow, you mean your cats don't talk back to you? Mine does and I love it- we have deep conversations about whether she should get more snackies or have to finish her food first.

Haha, mine does talk back, but I can never quite get her to voice her opinion on current affairs. She does have a very wide vocal range of meows, purrs, chirping and chittering sounds though, I'll give her that. To be fair, it's a lot more pleasing to the ear than actually talking about current affairs.

 

[Gritches]

You're never alone when you have a dog. I like coming home to a house that's empty aside from my puppy. Coming home to people usually means "Oh you're back from work, I need you to do XYZ", but coming home to a dog means "OH MY GOD you're back I love you so much let me give you a million kisses and lean against you while you scratch behind my ears I love you I love you I love you".

I prefer option B.

 

[Bolletje]

You're never alone when you have a dog. I like coming home to a house that's empty aside from my puppy. Coming home to people usually means "Oh you're back from work, I need you to do XYZ", but coming home to a dog means "OH MY GOD you're back I love you so much let me give you a million kisses and lean against you while you scratch behind my ears I love you I love you I love you".

I prefer option B.

And then there's option C: cats. It's all "WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, YOU HAVE FORSAKEN ME, ALSO I'M STARVING EVEN THOUGH MY BOWL IS FULL OF FOOD"

 

[Voltaic]

You're never alone when you have a dog. I like coming home to a house that's empty aside from my puppy. Coming home to people usually means "Oh you're back from work, I need you to do XYZ", but coming home to a dog means "OH MY GOD you're back I love you so much let me give you a million kisses and lean against you while you scratch behind my ears I love you I love you I love you".

I prefer option B.

unconditional love is the best kind of love.

Although... mine come running to the door with his leash in tug They still want stuff from us

 

[Chance]

I love being alone, (with my dog)... out by myself. A farm type life, or even my real work is basically situated for me to be alone a lot on purpose. I can drive a tractor all day and never see a soul, or work on the golf course and maneuver myself around to where I usually don't have to talk to anyone. I can cut firewood, work on vehicles or equipment, travel... I do it best alone mostly.

I do like when my cousin is with me, we get along really good and have most all the same interests.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Voltaic said "but the kind where you get home from work to a nice empty house all to yourself free (you're never free) of societies expectations."

I love being alone and lived alone for many years until I met my current roommate. We get along so well because she gives me my space and I get a lot of alone time. But even so, I am thrilled when she goes to visit her kids and I have the house to myself and can do whatever pleases me without having to think about her needs also. I'm not saying I'd like to go back to being alone all the time, but the breaks from any other company are great to have. I think it's good to have a balance if that's possible.

 

[Judge]

One thing I've found to be conclusive over such matters is that for me solitude consistently trumps loneliness.

I can consistently survive times of loneliness. But doing without solitude is ultimately toxic for me. IMO a major factor in the demise of my relationships with women.

 

[Judge]

It's an odd dilemma that is difficult to explain. The only thing that comes to mind is being on a small boat in the middle of the ocean with a few things I enjoy, but no one cares and the realization that no one is looking is weighing heavily.

I couldn't have put that any better.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Is the need to feel valued and cared about and accepted and maybe even loved an inherent quality in all of us? And it's just a matter of variation in tolerance going without it?

 

[Judge]

Is the need to feel valued and cared about and accepted and maybe even loved an inherent quality in all of us? And it's just a matter of variation in tolerance going without it?

Both. And neither.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Both. And neither.

Can you explain? (sorry I'm so literal)

 

[Judge]

Can you explain? (sorry I'm so literal)

About the best I can do is say that I can crave the company of others on a limited level and yet in the same time frame want at times to eschew them all. That whatever "it" really is, that it's on a subconscious level more than a conscious one.

That for better or worse, we can be a process of deep contradictions at times. Making it very confusing for others around us, whether they love us or hate us.

 

[LucyPurrs]

Thanks Judge, I understand now.