Being good at most social skills, with ASD

[Oz67]

Manipulating and brainwashing?? I don't think that's something to brag about.

Spoiler

P.S. will you pretty please use the standard font size? It is very hard to read smaller text.

It's very anecdotal though.

 

[Darkkin]

I do mask, but not very well.

It's just that my anecdotal example of me having some NT social skills, it is when I lie to my mom into thinking that I didn't drink chocolate milk in the morning, even when I laugh, she doesn't know that I am lying right away, until I asked her to guess many times and she asked my dad. But, I wonder if that is also a symptom of ASD, like, I can only cover my lies to a limited amount of time.

Context is everything. Having a liking for chocolate milk and telling a parent you didn't have any because you either want another glass or are trying to test a skill boundary is not an ASD thing.

It is a very typical human thing. Like lying about forgetting to refill the toilet paper. The context of a 'white' lie or a social fib to spare someone's feelings (e.g. not mentioning your cousin's dress is ugly) are very different than deliberately hitting a person just to annoy or hurt them and then lying about the action.

We used to have to keep a note on the refrigerator to keep track of when we fed the cat. She was very good at convincing us that the other had forgotten to feed her.

 

[Oz67]

Context is everything. Having a liking for chocolate milk and telling a parent you didn't have any because you either want another glass or are trying to test a skill boundary is not an ASD thing.

It is a very typical human thing. Like lying about forgetting to refill the toilet paper. The context of a 'white' lie or a social fib to spare someone's feelings (e.g. not mentioning your cousin's dress is ugly) are very different than deliberately hitting a person just to annoy or hurt them and then lying about the action.

We used to have to keep a note on the refrigerator to keep track of when we fed the cat. She was very good at convincing us that the other had forgotten to feed her.

That makes sense. It's just that I am very good at covering up my lies until I choose to admit. A lot of people say that most people with ASD have hard time covering up lies, but I don't really fit into that stereotype, and it is strange, because I have ASD. That is what I meant to say.

 

[LuxLuca]

I am verbally strong and am very capable of carrying a conversation. I also consider myself good at deception, I am very much into theatre and apply acting whenever I'm in a situation where I can't be truthful. In my field of work it's imperative that I steer others in the correct direction.

I've learned all these things, they didn't come natural to me at all. I am very much autistic but just very functional and good at masking.

I believe we might be the same.

I wouldn't label myself as manipulative or brainwashing just because I can convince others of things though. You sound like you take some form of pleasure in this.

 

[ADL]

but I don't really fit into that stereotype, and it is strange, because I have ASD. That is what I meant to say.

ASD folks aren't a monolith. Every individual person is going to have different strengths and weaknesses, and many of us can learn skills that don't come naturally to us. If you think you have a skill that's not common among other ASD folks, there's really nothing strange about that.

There's also a lot of overlap between the skills and thought processes of ASD people, NTs, people with other diagnoses. We think differently than other people, that's for sure, but there are many skills and traits and abilities that are simply common in humans (and even other animals! as Darkkin pointed out about her cat) and that many of us share.

The ability to tell a white lie does take some measure of social ability, but it's not at all strange that someone on the spectrum would be capable of it.

 

[Oz67]

I am verbally strong and am very capable of carrying a conversation. I also consider myself good at deception, I am very much into theatre and apply acting whenever I'm in a situation where I can't be truthful. In my field of work it's imperative that I steer others in the correct direction.

I've learned all these things, they didn't come natural to me at all. I am very much autistic but just very functional and good at masking.

I believe we might be the same.

I wouldn't label myself as manipulative or brainwashing just because I can convince others of things though. You sound like you take some form of pleasure in this.

I don't that all the time though, and when I do those things, I just do it in a harmless way. I don't do deception like a psychopath.

 

[LuxLuca]

I don't that all the time though, and when I do those things, I just do it in a harmless way. I don't do deception like a psychopath.

I wouldn't have thought you did, you don't strike me as someone with psychopathy (or antisocial personality disorder for that matter).

I really don't think you're alone in this. I actually can imagine that most of the people that are on the spectrum but unaware are similar to this.

 

[Oz67]

I wouldn't have thought you did, you don't strike me as someone with psychopathy (or antisocial personality disorder for that matter).

I really don't think you're alone in this. I actually can imagine that most of the people that are on the spectrum but unaware are similar to this.

I did show symptoms of Conduct Disorder Unspecified in the past, but it's gone.

 

[Slim Jim]

Sounds like you are overestimating your own social skills. We may think we know a lot, or that we are charming to a great degree, but we have blindspots.

Being momentary elusive or avoiding speaking a truth, telling white lies, is not the equivalent of being an expert manipulator.

 

[Oz67]

Sounds like you are overestimating your own social skills. We may think we know a lot, or that we are charming to a great degree, but we have blindspots.

Being momentary elusive or avoiding speaking a truth, telling white lies, is not the equivalent of being an expert manipulator.

You do have a point. I am sorry that I overestimated my social skills, it's just that it got better with therapy.

 

[Slim Jim]

If you are really good. You should go into Politics. That's what being an expert at interpersonal communication looks like.

 

[Oz67]

I think I overestimated my social skills, my social skills is much better, but I do have problems with interpreting the context of some social cues, but thought I did develop some NT traits as a young adult.

I am sorry for arguing, I was confused.

 

[Tom]

.. I am developed some NT social skills, such as lying, charm, manipulating, tricking and brainwashing...

I wouldn't call most of those 'NT social skills'. I think of them more as the qualities of a jerk.

 

[Oz67]

I wouldn't call most of those 'NT social skills'. I think of them more as the qualities of a jerk.

But, those are skills that is not common with most people with ASD.

 

[Tom]

But, those are skills that is not common with most people with ASD.

I don't entirely agree. They may not be common with ASD, but lying and manipulation are hardly rare either.

But my main point is that lying, charm, manipulating, tricking and brainwashing are not common to NT's either. It's not like they go to 'Lying 101' class in college. Do you come accross such things? Yes. But I think most NT's consider them a bad characteristic.

 

[Oz67]

I don't entirely agree. They may not be common with ASD, but lying and manipulation are hardly rare either.

But my main point is that lying, charm, manipulating, tricking and brainwashing are not common to NT's either. It's not like they go to 'Lying 101' class in college. Do you come accross such things? Yes. But I think most NT's consider them a bad characteristic.

You do have a point, I kept some of those related traits from my childhood, as I have history of showing Conduct Disorder Unspecified, but I don't do risky behaviors that will land me to jail or prison, and I have empathy and remorse. The more memories of my childhood comes back, the more guilty I feel, because I used to do some antisocial things throughout my childhood.

 

[Thinx]

It's good that you worked on your social skills and have moved on from your childhood behaviours that were antisocial. Many if not most children go through this process.

 

[Oz67]

It's good that you worked on your social skills and have moved on from your childhood behaviours that were antisocial. Many if not most children go through this process.

It's still not that good though, I still have some traits related to Contact Disorder Unspecified, and from those, I developed skills that I thought are NT social skills, but are bad characteristics. I try my best to keep my best behavior.

I have milder problems with social skills, but can understand most social cues, but have skills that is not common with most people with ASD, those skills that I mentioned.

 

[Aspychata]

It's still not that good though, I still have some traits related to Contact Disorder Unspecified, and from those, I developed skills that I thought are NT social skills, but are bad characteristics. I try my best to keep my best behavior.

I have milder problems with social skills, but can understand most social cues, but have skills that is not common with most people with ASD, those skills that I mentioned.

You are a work in progress. As so many of us.

 

[Oz67]

You are a work in progress. As so many of us.

Thank you!