Being judged and feeling a total failure

[Fridgemagnetman]

Write or type everything she said down.

(One one side of the paper)

Then ,after that has been done, write down why it is not true.

You could use a diary app (passworded) for this kind of stuff.

I do it.

When it's done, I find I think about it far less.

The reason, I've thought it through,kept a record of it.

My mind accepts that.

This can then be expanded upon to analyse your own reactions and start the training to respond differently.

Slow process,but worth it.

Everyone needs a process.

This is just an idea to help you start working towards what works best for you.

Another thing I say is.

'Past me has got that sorted'
I trust past me.

The past me who wrote it down,considered carefully the situation.
The diary becomes 'past me' a trustworthy companion.

Just want to add -what I also find useful.
I use diaro.
I also label events with filters .

That means any events can be easily found .

The idea is not to look back at previous arguments. (Looking back can help spot patterns,but you have to be wary of dwelling in the negative. When you look at the negative it should always be to reframe the events to plot a more positive future outcome,or reduced anger reaction )

But have a filter called 'positive'

Where you can start to gather victories and small successes.

I don't really need to look at the positive filter but I can see the total number of entries in it.
It's sort of re drawing yourself in a more positive way.

It builds up over time.
Knowing it's there is a help.
Past me likes it too

 

[Appleslime]

This is a little off topic, but I just have to point this out. When you are married, your spouse always comes first. Over you siblings, parents, kids, anybody. After all this is the person you are going to spend the rest of you life with. If my sister made my wife feel like that, I would have been all over her for it. If she kept it up, we would not have any more contact with her. That is just the way it is supposed to be.

To be honest this is kind of the final straw for me with my husband, I don't even want to talk to him at the moment. X

 

[sidd851]

Thanks for the advice, I have voiced my feelings to a few people and they don't understand why I'm so upset and just tel me to ignor her nasty comments. This upsets me that I now feel that I'm over reacting and I feel like I'm fighting my feelings. I will do what you said. I have written her a couple of texts that I haven't sent as I don't think I can cope with a full blown argument. My anxiety is sky high and my anger is bubbling

Appleslime-- Hello! I've gone down that road, venting/asking opinions/advice...
Never seems to end well-- for myriad reasons. At the risk of sounding judgemental, I have found that most people are not good problem-solvers--- again, for myriad reasons. And so...(see Gritches, below; above, whichever). People who "think" with their emotions, it seems to me, are generally toxic.
This person has no problem saying things TO make someone feel badly=TOXIC.
Toxic= Gotta go.
I have found that the more one tries to figure out "what they're problem is" the more everyone begins to think less of BOTH people, REGARDLESS of who is the aggressor, or just plain wrong. And so, when pressed, I will simply make the decision "I don't need to talk to that person EVER again." It can be difficult, but once I tag that person "no longer matters" things seem to ease up for me. Some people just don't feel validated unless they are hating, hurting, or making another miserable.
Toxic.
Hope this helps.
*their
Derp

 

[Chance]

I am not unfeeling, I outright hate them, that's a feeling right?

This is going to sound incredibly horrible... but what you said made me laugh out loud.

I feel that way right at this moment, but I also know it not healthy for me, or how I view things... So I took your "weed" word picture and made my reality a field of humans... I just pulled a bad one out and flung them out into the furthest darkness of the universe... I feel better now. : )