Being the lemon in the relationship

[Warmheart]

 

[Chris Russell]

Hi there. I'm NT here, 30 years old and my significant one is on spectrum. There are hours when we don't talk to each other because she need to get her thoughts in order (poor explanation, but simple enough) and any interaction distracts her. Rationally, I know what it is but every time I worry about that very much because I feel that may be she misunderstood some of my actions and feel disappointed at me. In addition, emotionally I can't believe that it is ok for her. Well it is not okay but I can't do a thing to help her. Also, I find very hard to synchronize my own affection to her random periods of diving into thoughts and often take it personally like if she loves me less. But actually I do know she loves me very much so I suffer about that silently and never blame her. You may say I lack confidence in her love, but normally I don't, but in these situations I simply can't truly accept what's going on.
Can you please make some advices or tell something you think I miss for me or maybe ask some questions?
PS. Sorry for my poor english, btw I'm not the same guy as in original post.

What a lovely post, wsilence... I have been working with a group of mixed NTs, Aspies and Therapists on a new approach to communication in NT/Aspie relationships. My husband is NT and I am Aspie, and we had fallen into a routine much like the one you describe. Both knowing, but neither adequately communicating. This new approach I describe has had a fascinating and almost miraculous effect on our relationship (of 30 years) and I can't recommend it highly enough... Please read my blog to find out more (we are still working on books/websites and joint research with educational and support organisations in the UK, but no reason you couldn't get a head start... If you read the last 4 show the journey, but read back a few more and you'll see the transition... Not selling anything - this just actually works.

chris-russell's Blog | Asperger's & Autism Forum

 

[Peacelily76]

Yes, yes, yes!!
I totally agree with you!
If I ask any Equality & Diversity lead to tell me how autism requirements are fully acknowledged and catered for in the workplace, leisure facilities, shopping malls, airports, they just look clueless! As if I've got an octopus suddenly attached to my face...
People go on and on about equal rights whilst remaining completely blind to how frightening and frustrating the world is for people with autism.
I'm NT and an advocate for people with autism. I have to bring up the subject with other NTs carefully and pick appropriate moments to discuss autism requirements or they just don't comprehend why 'that mad HR lady is talking about people who don't have social skills again'.
And yes, that's the low level of understanding I'm having to deal with.
Just yesterday I tried a new gym out. I walked in and there was nowhere to sit, the music was loud, there was a form to complete, a woman asking me questions, an instructor shouting over a microphone, flashing disco balls, mirrors and bright scoreboards. Having learnt about autism, I realised within seconds that this whole environment would trigger total sensory overload meltdown!! Even I was struggling to adjust quick enough. The lack of a seat where I could sit down and just observe from a safe distance unnerved me.
It's really made me think about how so much of our world is still TOTALLY CLUELESS to the diversity of autism and us NTs need to do much more to show appreciation for our fellow humans, and create environments that truly allow people to flourish.
And lemons are fabulous by the way! Love them!

 

[Desiree W]

When life gives you lemons - make lemonade.

Exactly. Couldn't have said it better.

 

[When In Rome]

Exactly. Couldn't have said it better.

Oh I don't know. You might have used a comma instead of a dash, rendering it more grammatically correct!