Beliefs and Belonging

[Xinyta]

It's almost funny how the mind works and how complex it all can be. Especially when it cones from beliefs and the things we absorb to have a sense of belonging.

I have poor sense of positive beliefs. All mine are negative. Though my biggest problem is my lack of belief in belonging. I feel as if I belong nowhere. I have no one or anyplace that I can say brings true guaranteed comfort.

I feel lost. I feel like I am wandering. I don't allow myself to hold on to any positives, because I don't believe they will matter to anything. That all that life will ever be for me is a blackhole.

But the irony is that no one externally told me this. That I don't matter. That I don't belong.

This is from my own bitterness and self loathing.

 

[Outdated]

I feel as if I belong nowhere. I have no one or anyplace that I can say brings true guaranteed comfort.

This part is true for me, it has been since early childhood, but for me there's no negative connotations associated with that. I was always apart and always did my own thing and I've always been happier like that.

I've always been an optimist. I've always believed that somehow life will just work out for me in spite of appearances, and somehow it has.

 

[Tom]

Just in a general sense I had a feeling one needs a starting place. One thing that's good and then upon that build. Not to sound to obvious, but have you considered a dog? Cats are ok too, but dogs may be a bit more likely to openly show emotion and be a satisfying companion. And its more then likely they will think you the best and most important person in the world. But its a committment on your side as well and requires a regular outlay of funds. I think the stats show on average dogs cost around $500 a year, but my experience has been that its considerably higher and much higher for elderly dogs.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

It's almost funny how the mind works and how complex it all can be. Especially when it cones from beliefs and the things we absorb to have a sense of belonging.

I have poor sense of positive beliefs. All mine are negative. Though my biggest problem is my lack of belief in belonging. I feel as if I belong nowhere. I have no one or anyplace that I can say brings true guaranteed comfort.

I feel lost. I feel like I am wandering. I don't allow myself to hold on to any positives, because I don't believe they will matter to anything. That all that life will ever be for me is a blackhole.

But the irony is that no one externally told me this. That I don't matter. That I don't belong.

This is from my own bitterness and self loathing.

I have the sense that because we have a difficult time making social bonds, that our communication difficulties leave us out on the periphery. We rarely "belong". Most of us are destined to walk our path through life by ourselves.

What most people need is not "belonging", but rather "purpose". Are you responsible for something? What do you do for others? Do you receive praise for what you do for others? Purpose gives me happiness in lieu of having friends. I have found that giving of myself gives me happiness.

Most people on the forums know that when I respond to these posts, I have positive thoughts because I genuinely want to help others. This is the way I am in life. I have multiple purposes in life that get me up in the morning. I have goals, I have projects to do, and every time I accomplish some little goal, another positive "dopamine hit".

Just my opinion here, but if people don't have a purpose, no goals, no aspirations for something better, and do nothing, bored, with nothing to consume their thoughts but their sad situation in life, this is destructive. No good comes of this.

 

[Judge]

Yes indeed. An inane sense of always feeling like you are on the outside, forever looking in.

And for better or worse, I've never been able to shake it. I suspect many of us have such feelings.

 

[AprilR]

If you are born to this world, you belong in it. You certainly belong here this is for sure.
This might not ring true now, but i hope someday you will feel it is.

 

[AndyFBlues]

I can barely remember a time in my life when I felt that I belonged somewhere. There have been instances when it has caused a great amount of anguish. Over time, I've come to accept the things that I cannot change. I've learned to treasure the things that bring me joy, no matter how small.

This is from my own bitterness and self loathing.

I also have moments when I can go to some very dark places. If I only view my place as something negative, then that's all it will ever be. If on the other hand, I see it as a different path in life, then there is at least a possibility to find it as a different kind of normal. Don't get me wrong, I'm not an eternal optimist. Still, seeing a glass as half empty, is better than believing it to being perpetually bone dry.

 

[AprilR]

This might seem random, but this thread reminded me of this song, it always makes me feel better and maybe it will for you also.

 

[Neri]

I once wrote a piece referencing the story of "The Little Match Girl", to illustrate how that part of my emotional landscape feels; when she's looking in the window at the family having christmas, while she's out in the freezing snowy weather, barely dressed, hungry and alone. That's how I identify a lot of how it feels, as an autistic person, socially, for most of my life.
I have found ways to improve things though, to a degree.
But enduring the hardness of how that is should not be minimized.
At least you are not alone here. So many people here would be able to relate to having felt similarly.

 

[velociraptor]

Though my biggest problem is my lack of belief in belonging. I feel as if I belong nowhere.

I have always felt like a square peg in a world full of round holes. Having others trying to make you fit by hammering at you never stops hurting.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

At some point we need to stop thinking about how others perceive us. Personally, I know it's there, people misunderstanding me, occasionally being confused and put off by me, but I'm not trying to make friends at this stage of my life, and I am not going to give any thought to it.

There's a time to have a professional persona, and there's a time to be yourself. If people don't like me, that's OK with me. I will still make some attempt at being pleasant and treat them with respect. I don't have any thoughts or feelings as to how others perceive me.

Being a square peg in a world of round holes suits me just fine. The world is a pretty screwed up place because of round pegs and I'd rather not contribute to it.

 

[velociraptor]

At some point we need to stop thinking about how others perceive us

I don't care if I come across as strange, I have stopped worrying about that. I just hope that people find me to be ethical and competent.

 

[wards]

I struggle with this, I’m an extremely logical person. I constantly think ‘what really is the point in all of this?’ (Life)

Without sounding too morbid we are all going to end up as mush in the ground lol. I understand life is what you make of it.. or so I’m told but ughhh.

It’s especially awful for me because I think I have adhd as I get bored strait away with hobbies and people, nothing holds my attention.

 

[velociraptor]

The point for me is to save the beauty in this moment for the ones that follow.

When I'm not doing that I spend time with my wife and daughter and I pet the kitty.

It's enough.

 

[Cryptid]

I have always felt like an outsider looking in on society, community, and family. While I do not believe I am the only real person in existence, I do feel alone even in a crowd.

 

[DaisyRose]

My mom always says if you can’t find a place to fit in, make your own place. I would imagine an island that is far away and has a nice view of the beach with cute creatures everywhere.

 

[Fino]

Without God, these feelings are inevitable.

 

[Neri]

Without God, these feelings are inevitable.

It's defining what "God" means, what That means, that, I think, a lot of people struggle with.
It's almost as if people need to have an experience of what that FEELS like to have some, even tepid, level of innerstanding or understanding.
You and I know that "God is Love", but what if people's experience of "love" and religion, is empty and meaningless words?
As humans we are cut off, largely, from "God" as an inner experience. Accounts of Near Death Experiences offer far richer, more visceral, accounts of God-y-ness and powerful loving feelings and knowingnesses than most religious settings, I would offer.
Myself, I found psychedelic experiences opened me up more than any christian rhetoric. That and meditation, dance, music, yoga and hanging out in nature.

 

[Cryptid]

Without God, these feelings are inevitable.

Even with God, these feelings are inevitable.

Read your Bible.

 

[SusanLR]

I struggle with this, I’m an extremely logical person. I constantly think ‘what really is the point in all of this?’ (Life)

Exactly the same.

The only place I felt I belonged and was comfortable with was the life I knew with my parents.
The inability to bond with anyone else doesn't make it easy.