better or worse to be raised by autistic parent

[Khendra]

Husband and I plan to have a child next year. We've considered some potential issues that could come up. One thing I know I cannot do, is work while raising a child. I can do one or the other, but not both at the same time. So I will be a full-time SAHM.

Regarding the spectrum in the family, it definitely comes from my mother's side -- my mother herself wasn't on the spectrum, but her own mother likely was, and my older half-brother is almost certainly on it, in addition to his schizophrenia and bipolar (my older half-sister confided in me that I function in society much better than he ever has, and this is sadly true). The criteria simply was much narrower in the days they grew up in, so no one knew why they had their "quirks." Even in the 1990s, when I grew up, I was simply seen as shy, nerdy, and "unique." I wasn't officially diagnosed until age 29 in 2014.

 

[Gracey]

For me, staying at home with my baby was both a unique and (mostly) wonderful experience.
Wonderful in the sense I had the opportunity to witness daily changes in the child. Watch them develop and learn.
(kind of 'my thing' back then)

There were also the advantages of having the quieter, calmer, familiar environment of home in which to create new routines around the new arrival in slow time.
As opposed to dashing through breakfast / morning routine, to arrive on time at the childminders in order to be on time for work.

Try not to lose who you are as a person in your new role as 'mom' and never be afraid to ask for help.
-If you need 'time out' to catch your breath and reset, ask someone to help mind the baby while you take a minute.

 

[Magna]

Try not to lose who you are as a person in your new role as 'mom' and never be afraid to ask for help.
-If you need 'time out' to catch your breath and reset, ask someone to help mind the baby while you take a minute.

This is good advice. I've had the opposite situation. To this day nearly fifteen years later, rather than lose who I am as a person, the concept of the role of "dad" has been one that I haven't been able to grasp well.

 

[Matthias]

While there are some benefits, I think it's far worse to be raised by an autistic parent because a reduced ability to read social cues and understand emotions can result in children suffering from the affects of unintentional emotional neglect (something both parent and child don't realize is occurring). For example, suppose you're upset about something your parents did but they can't tell from your body language so they don't do anything about it to help you understand or feel better. That can make children feel like their parents don't care about them or that their feelings aren't important especially when it happens hundreds of times during your childhood.

Not understanding emotions, what causes them, and optimal ways of dealing with them caused most of my problems in life. I would have benefited greatly if I had a parent who was good with emotions and reading body language.

 

[Au Naturel]

I have my share of ASD quirks but I always kept a tight lid on them around my kids' friends. I did NOT want them to have the curse of the "eccentric" parent.

One person's eccentricity is another's geekiness and another's creepiness. We have plenty of people around here who I'd describe as delusional. Like the ones who went on an anti-D&D campaign because it was Satan's tool. Another who made their son live in a treehouse in the back yard, instead of a room in the house. Another mother who crawled into a bottle and pulled the cork in and a daddy ran off who a coke -er - "lady." (We ended up fostering their son 'till he turned 18.) A family who wouldn't let my children come in to see their new puppy because they weren't Christian (my wife is Jewish).

And yet I am certain if I let my Aspie flag fly, I'd be the one people would worry about.

 

[John M]

For me growing up I'd say the experience was negative. I think that had a lot to do with the time period I grew up in. As others have posted there wasn't really any awareness of high functioning autism when I was a child. I find it highly likely my father had Asperger's but of course was never aware of it. He had a very strong desire to have a sense of family and belonging like he sensed in family members outside his immediate family. However, he had no ability to self identify as being part of a family in the sense that he could share in the familial feelings he sensed in others and coveted. He blamed everyone else for this and it contributed to a toxic family environment. I know family life was difficult for my father growing up as well. His father constantly beat the crap out of him. I suspect because he was trying to make him 'a man.' Yet another social group he was incapable of self identifying with.