[blank] the nhs

[Amelia]

Nhs mental services are disgusting auguring with autistic people about their condition..... I'm done they say they wanna make u feel less suicidal and make u feel worse, apparently she was trying to challenge my autism because i made contradict ive statements.... One there are not contradictory for me if you let me explain things fully and let me talk.... That was the whole point In me being there, two just because she worked with autistic kids and challenged them doesn't mean it will work on an adult who has learned all they possibly can, the effort I've put in already made me suicidal.... How much more do they want... I'm gunna make there time talking to me as hard as they make it for me horrid disgusting service they give the nhs a bad name and they give people working there that actually want to help people a bad name. Absolutely would love to see them spend a few days in my body swear they would give up by then.... Totally idiotic.

 

[King_Oni]

I doubt this is something that just applies to the NHS.

Though I guess, that looking at the NHS, as something that is part of the government, they do want to save money by challenging everyone to see if they qualify for support and such. That's a practice I've seen a lot in healthcare in the past years

 

[Amelia]

It's not supposed to have been that, it was actually supposed to be helping me feel less suicidal by talking to me.... So how they feel what they did was okay is beyond me x

 

[King_Oni]

Perhaps their approach worked for other people? Through talks with therapists, even informal ones, there often tends to be one approach, sometimes a secondary and that's what they stick to. If someone requires "special attention" it quickly becomes something "out of their expertise". Hence that's why they might feel okay with what they did.

Not to mention that I've also had situations that were so outright horrible it felt like they just wanted to get me down so I was down on a level from where they could work with from the ground up.

And then there's the notion that talking to someone can have unexpected results in general. I've had talks with people (not specifically therapists) that made me feel pretty bad (and I was planning to file complaints at some point) yet the realization that someone cannot tailor his advice and words for me seems a tad silly. Not saying this is what happened to you, but I guess it shows there are plenty of angles why it can go down like that

 

[Amelia]

I don't care if she was only there to discuss suicide she has no right to challenge my autism.... I think it's pathetic

 

[Mattymatt]

I don't care if she was only there to discuss suicide she has no right to challenge my autism.... I think it's pathetic

I think I have some idea of how you feel. I'm experiencing something akin to yours in the states. I'm getting stonewalling by the Office of Vocational Rehabilitation. I took a long hard look at the cause and I realized it was entirely my fault. These agencies make the assumptions that we are accomplished and polished self-advocates. Indeed, the fine print even states that we must be good at self-advocating. I, for one, have been an abject failure at self-advocacy.

With my first employment counselor, I failed to adequately state my wants, needs, goals, and aspirations. I simply told her I was autistic and I silently expected her to take the lead. I became unreasonably angry when I did not get the expected results. It was unreasonable for me to expect her to be a psychic mind reader and immediately know how to help. I laugh at my childish anger. I filed a gentle appeal with the Office of Vocational Rehabilitation requesting a reassignment due to my own failure. I admitted in writing of my failure to live up to my responsibility to be a self advocate.

Prior to the meeting with the new counselor, I'm going to take a long hard look of what works for me, what does not work for me, and what my interests and goals are. I won't even mention autism until I have built a small raport with him or her. I think with clearly stated needs, I will better be able to get the assistance.

 

[Amelia]

It's okay I will be gone soon, got my rope, got my self respect and now I am saying goodbye

 

[Mattymatt]

It's okay I will be gone soon, got my rope, got my self respect and now I am saying goodbye

NO NO NO! However you may feel please do not resort to suicide. You are a beautiful person inside and out with so many good years ahead of you. I'm thankful everyday that my teenaged attempts failed. As hard, frustrating, and lonely living with Autism and its associated depression and anxiety is, suicide is not the answer.

 

[Amelia]

I have no other answer and it's not that simple tbh, I'm not a teenager I'm 26 and the longer I live like this the harder it gets

 

[Mattymatt]

This is where you are mistaken, my friend. It really is that simple. I have 10 years of life on you. I have no career to speak of and no social life. Life is hard but suicide is the coward's way out. It's self serving, that's it. Everyday is a struggle but I don't EVER quit.

One of my favorite sayings: "It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you CAN get hit and keep moving forward." I'm a fighter because I'm not a looser.

 

[Amelia]

I am a loser and I don't care if I am a coward my life sucks people are **** and there seems to be no point

 

[Judge]

Things aren't going well for me either Amelia. That's when I look only to the next few hours in front of me and absolutely no more than that. Otherwise life can be overwhelming. One day at a time...

Take care...

 

[Mattymatt]

No, you're not a loser. Please seek professional help immediately! Go to your nearest emergency room. You'll be glad that you did. Trust me, whenever I'm forced to recall my suicide attempt, I'm SO grateful it was a failure. No matter how hard life gets, it's ALWAYS better to be living and breathing.

 

[Amelia]

Thanks I just can't take it anymore x

 

[Mattymatt]

Things aren't going well for me either Amelia. That's when I look only to the next few hours in front of me and absolutely no more than that. Otherwise life can be overwhelming. One day at a time...

Take care...

This is good advice as well. They give it to folks in Special Forces training. Never look beyond the immediate obstacle when things start to look daunting.

 

[Ereth]

Life is hard but suicide is the coward's way out. It's self serving, that's it.

Calling someone cowardly for feeling this way is one of the worst things you can say to someone in this position. I ask that you reconsider what you have said. Quite frankly, you owe Amelia, and everyone else on this forum who's felt this way, an apology. You say you've been in the same place, so why would you essentially brand someone in need a coward?

Amelia, please talk to somebody about how you're doing right now. Call a suicide prevention hotline if you have to. We're all here for you.

 

[Mattymatt]

I admit I was wrong. It was a poor choice of words, I am very sorry Amelia. Please, please seek help.

 

[Adamantium]

Please don't go.

I have only just started to read your thoughts here, and I liked the sense of getting to know you a bit.

It's selfish of me, I know, but I would prefer if you could bear to stay. And bear in mind that even though you can't see it now, good things can and do happen.

When I was thinking a lot about making an early exit, it seemed that life was a long chain of bad things punctuated by a few moments of good, later I realized that life was always a mix of good and bad and the good was just as real and at least as powerful as the bad.

Well that probably sounds like rubbish and I am older now and life has changed beyond recognition and is full of wonderful things, so what do I know?

But please stay.

 

[2aspirin]

Amelia, just take steps to get through the day. Just today. 26 is young. Our brains only finish wiring up at around age 25 and neuroplasticity is a masterful blessing. It can even work in your favor later. You do not need to own anyone's bad perceptions or misperceptions. You can some day be a great advocate and speak from a place of strength. Don't quit before the little miracles and gifts in life can unfold. There is a lot that is very interesting here on this planet. In this life. I get through much of life knowing that I truly do not need to care what other people think, but I do care how they feel. I get to an understanding of how they feel through a mostly intellectual and detached exercise, granted. But it allows me to see that sometimes people and institutions are callous or stupid for varied reasons. And sometimes some who feel helpless, like those at the nhs, project their own sense of shame back on others. They did that to you. Sometimes when it seems to be "about us" it still is not about us. Truly.

 

[wyverary]

Therapy is not what you need at this point. Nor our (well-intentioned) encouragement. I recommend calling emergency services, telling them how you feel, and be taken to the nearest A&E ward.

It is the hardest phone call you will ever make in your life. I've been there. It sucks.