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Born prematurely - Is it the root of my struggles?

Markness

Young God
V.I.P Member
I was born prematurely and only weighed 5 1/2 lbs. I also required emergency intervention soon after. There’s a good chance being born earlier than normal is why I have autism in the first place.

I’ve looked up studies on adults who were born prematurely and they were rather heart breaking to read. We have higher rates of depression, unemployment or lower employment, struggles with independence in all areas, and are less likely to have romantic relationships. I feel like I am doomed to fail because of this. :(
 
I was born two weeks early normal birth weight though and overall healthy. I was breech and flipped last minute most likely causing my hip dysplasia. I think lost my issues including autism are genetic though.
 
Depends upon what you mean by premature as it relates to autism. 5 1/2 lbs is a large baby in our NICU, so I am going to guess you were born in and around 34+ weeks gestation.

It is true that autism rates amongst the premature average somewhere around 2% overall, and inversely proportional to gestational age (the more premature, the higher the autism rate). Someone born at 22-26 weeks gestation,...1-2lbs,...is far more likely to end up with autism,...I've seen statistics as high as 6% with those babies. It would suggest that the canalicular stage of fetal development (17-26 weeks),...the stage when the vascular system is rapidly developing, that alterations in vascular growth factors (VEGF, etc.) are affecting not only vascular growth, but the subsequent tissue growth to follow. There is data to show that some genetic variants of autism also have alterations in VEGF signaling. In other words, it is less likely that being born "late" preterm will trigger the types of gene transcription that results in the microanatomical changes associated with autism,...as it is later in the brain and vascular developmental process. Rather it is the extremely premature that make up the vast majority of those statistics.

As you probably know, there is no single cause of autism, but rather a mix of some genetic factors and gene transcription that is triggered by things like maternal hormones, inflammatory mediators, etc. In the case of the extremely premature, a few things can happen. A maternal infection, triggers an abnormal rise in inflammatory mediators, that, in turn, can trigger labor and premature birth,...but these same inflammatory mediators can cross the placenta and the blood-brain barrier of the fetus, affecting brain growth. There are many causes of premature labor and birth, but in the end, the baby is now separated from the mother's hormones and cytokine on/off switching responsible for the normal development. In this example, premature infants can be subject to an "injury" effect. The NICU is an obnoxious environment,...the sensory environment is WAY too much for the developing baby,...throw in oxygen levels that far exceed the intrauterine environment,...the potential for infections,...intracranial bleeds,...mechanical ventilators,...IV solutions,...etc. It is a perfect storm for altered brain development.

If we look at autopsy data from autistics, as well as, functional MRI studies, it is quite common to see alterations in neuron formation and migrational patterns in the thalamus, hypothalamus, and cerebellum,...structures that form before the cortex,...so this data suggests the autism effect as early as the first trimester and into the second trimester.

Researchers looking at newly born infants are now able to screen for autism with some pretty simple tests,...albeit they are typically done at hospitals with an associated autism research center, like UCLA, Duke, Johns Hopkins, etc.

So,...what I am suggesting is that your autism was less likely due to your prematurity, per se. By neonatal standards, you would be what we call a "grower-feeder",...totally normal other than perhaps needing some help with your suck-swallow-breathing coordination,...perhaps a week or so of an oral feeding tube. More likely, even if you were born at term, you would have still had autism. In other words, what likely triggered your autism likely occurred several weeks to months before you were born.

PEDS2020032300_proof.pdf (silverchair.com)
 
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The neighbor was born prematurely in the '30s and lived into his 80s. He caught polio and one leg was shorter than the other for the rest of his life and he could barely walk.

He:
-traveled the entire 48 states
-with his wife
-had a fulfilling existence
-built a house which stands today
-ran a competitive dry-cleaning establishment
-was a gracious host and a decent man
-died beloved by all his friends and probably some of his enemies.

People who don't go looking for a reason for their problems, don't have quite as many problems. Going & doing stuff, even if it doesn't work the first time, is the only way. You have to be strong enough to fail, even if you'd prefer to win.
 
nature is cruel man, we are retards.
Depends upon what you mean by premature as it relates to autism. 5 1/2 lbs is a large baby in our NICU, so I am going to guess you were born in and around 34+ weeks gestation.

It is true that autism rates amongst the premature average somewhere around 20-22% overall, with increasing rates as the degree of prematurity increases. Someone born at 22-26 weeks gestation,...1-2lbs,...is far more likely to end up with autism,...I've seen statistics as high as 40% with those babies.

As you probably know, there is no single cause of autism, but rather a mix of some genetic factors and gene transcription that is triggered by things like maternal hormones, inflammatory mediators, etc. In the case of the extremely premature, a few things can happen. A maternal infection, triggers an abnormal rise in inflammatory mediators, that, in turn, can trigger labor and premature birth,...but these same inflammatory mediators can cross the placenta and the blood-brain barrier of the fetus, affecting brain growth. There are many causes of premature labor and birth, but in the end, the baby is now separated from the mother's hormones and cytokine on/off switching responsible for the normal development. In this example, premature infants can be subject to an "injury" effect. The NICU is an obnoxious environment,...the sensory environment is WAY too much for the developing baby,...throw in oxygen levels that far exceed the intrauterine environment,...the potential for infections,...intracranial bleeds,...mechanical ventilators,...IV solutions,...etc. It is a perfect storm for altered brain development.

If we look at autopsy data from autistics, as well as, functional MRI studies, it is quite common to see alterations in neuron formation and migrational patterns in the thalamus, hypothalamus, and cerebellum,...structures that form before the cortex,...so this data suggests the autism effect as early as the first trimester and into the second trimester.

Researchers looking at newly born infants are now able to screen for autism with some pretty simple tests,...albeit they are typically done at hospitals with an associated autism research center, like UCLA, Duke, Johns Hopkins, etc.

So,...what I am suggesting is that your autism was less likely due to your prematurity, per se. By neonatal standards, you would be what we call a "grower-feeder",...totally normal other than perhaps needing some help with your suck-swallow-breathing coordination,...perhaps a week or so of an oral feeding tube. More likely, even if you were born at term, you would have still had autism. In other words, what likely triggered your autism likely occurred several weeks to months before you were born.
i dont like these studies, i could somewhat cling to the "autism is a normal variation of neurology thing", you know the entire neurodiversity movement, but the way you describe it we really are just retards, defects, there is nothing special about it, no advantages. Obviously autism is a disorder for a reason, but sometimes it helps to think that it isn't.
 
The statistics on autism man dating are pretty bad too, we don't really stand a chance. It makes sense because our genes shouldn't stick around. Maybe when have really mastered genetic modification we can just get rid of this disorder.
 
I was born prematurely and only weighed 5 1/2 lbs. I also required emergency intervention soon after. There’s a good chance being born earlier than normal is why I have autism in the first place.

I’ve looked up studies on adults who were born prematurely and they were rather heart breaking to read. We have higher rates of depression, unemployment or lower employment, struggles with independence in all areas, and are less likely to have romantic relationships. I feel like I am doomed to fail because of this. :(
Be careful. Correlation is not causation. Causation requires a magnitude greater evidence than statistical correlation. I think the last sentence should own your feeling directly "I feel that I have failed because of this" and don't think that any correlation dooms you.
 
Will I ever be able to post about finally having a girlfriend come into my life despite the studies on people like me essentially saying the chances are almost nonexistent?

I also feel upset that I got accused of harassing women as well as being mischaracterized as a misogynist. I hope those people who said those things to me don’t ever expect me to give up wanting a girlfriend just because they want me to.
 
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nature is cruel man, we are retards.

i dont like these studies, i could somewhat cling to the "autism is a normal variation of neurology thing", you know the entire neurodiversity movement, but the way you describe it we really are just retards, defects, there is nothing special about it, no advantages. Obviously autism is a disorder for a reason, but sometimes it helps to think that it isn't.

Wow, that is a deep dive there,...rather some dark thinking. Whether you like them or not, a picture (autopsy studies, MRI, etc) is worth a thousand words,...anatomy and physiology. Retards,...strong words for a group of people (ASD-1, ASD-2) that frankly, are pretty much responsible for nearly all the major advancements within the realm of the sciences and the arts throughout history. Several people with Asperger's can have extremely high intelligences. Yes, autism is A form of neurodiversity, but obviously much more. Some forms of autism MAY be, as you say, a "normal variation of the neurology thing" given the 100+ identified autism markers on the human genome. But,...there is also examples of the "injury" model,...the effects of maternal infection and those born extremely premature and subject to the negative effects of the "fetus outside the womb" environment found in most neonatal ICUs.

My personal bias, being a medical person, is looking at autism within the context of the medical model. The primary signs, symptoms, behaviors, etc. associated with autism,...they are due to anatomy and physiology. Secondary behaviors,...some, not all, of the psychiatric issues may be due to life experiences and how the autistic brain interprets them.
 
Wow, that is a deep dive there,...rather some dark thinking. Whether you like them or not, a picture (autopsy studies, MRI, etc) is worth a thousand words,...anatomy and physiology. Retards,...strong words for a group of people (ASD-1, ASD-2) that frankly, are pretty much responsible for nearly all the major advancements within the realm of the sciences and the arts throughout history. Several people with Asperger's can have extremely high intelligences. Yes, autism is A form of neurodiversity, but obviously much more. Some forms of autism MAY be, as you say, a "normal variation of the neurology thing" given the 100+ identified autism markers on the human genome. But,...there is also examples of the "injury" model,...the effects of maternal infection and those born extremely premature and subject to the negative effects of the "fetus outside the womb" environment found in most neonatal ICUs.

My personal bias, being a medical person, is looking at autism within the context of the medical model. The primary signs, symptoms, behaviors, etc. associated with autism,...they are due to anatomy and physiology. Secondary behaviors,...some, not all, of the psychiatric issues may be due to life experiences and how the autistic brain interprets them.
Well i said retard self derogatory. I just don't want pain and autism causes pain so i don't want it, it's not that complicated.

Some people with asd can have high iqs but so do normal people. And all those historical figures with supposed asd is just speculations. And I'm not one of them so it doesn't make me feel better.
 
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Will I ever be able to post about finally having a girlfriend come into my life despite the studies on people like me essentially saying the chances are almost nonexistent?

I also feel upset that I got accused of harassing women as well as being mischaracterized as a misogynist. I hope those people who said those things to me don’t ever expect me to give up wanting a girlfriend just because they want me to.
It is OK to be upset with people who slander you. Your revenge will be to have a good life. Please don't stop your quest.

Yes, ASD makes social connection hard in order to have the opportunity for a relationship. One of my stuck points was that girls/women don't notice me. Digging deep, I found examples that I remember of women showing interest or flirting and I did not recognize it at the time. I have complained in the past that guys are the one's putting their ego on the line to approach somebody, but what about those women putting themselves out to interest me in approaching? Did they feel about my non-response the way I would have felt if they said, No? Luckily, other social deficiencies drove me to change and that left me primed to value somebody who is accepting, and to make a reasonable guess of their interest and understand that maybe they are anxious too. It could not have happened sooner. But it taught me that I am not my ASD.
 
Will I ever be able to post about finally having a girlfriend come into my life despite the studies on people like me essentially saying the chances are almost nonexistent?

I also feel upset that I got accused of harassing women as well as being mischaracterized as a misogynist. I hope those people who said those things to me don’t ever expect me to give up wanting a girlfriend just because they want me to.
While chasing failure is your own prerogative it is your own prerogative not one of circumstance. Your thinking is objectively non functional your approach is an abject failure. Entire cultures and countries religiously buy into similar non functional thinking and suffer for generations. I don't think there are to many people who could honestly respect this boarder line [deleted] worship. You will never prevail in this regard and it is entirely by your own doing.
 
While chasing failure is your own prerogative it is your own prerogative not one of circumstance. Your thinking is objectively non functional your approach is an abject failure. Entire cultures and countries religiously buy into similar non functional thinking and suffer for generations. I don't think there are to many people who could honestly respect this boarder line [deleted] worship. You will never prevail in this regard and it is entirely by your own doing.

If you didn’t swear, I would actually be willing to learn what you meant by “worship”.
 
I'll make it tldr women are not an item of worship, they are entirely unworthy of it to begin with.
I don’t think any person should be worshipped. I’d kindly request for you to take it down a notch with the misogyny though.
 
Will I ever be able to post about finally having a girlfriend come into my life despite the studies on people like me essentially saying the chances are almost nonexistent?

I also feel upset that I got accused of harassing women as well as being mischaracterized as a misogynist. I hope those people who said those things to me don’t ever expect me to give up wanting a girlfriend just because they want me to.

this is not sarcastic or rhetorical. I’m seriously asking why do you want a girlfriend?

If you’re being accused of harassment, how do you go about approaching women?



I haven’t been in a actual relationship at all. Ive has a lot of pressure on having a relationship Especially consider that as a young woman I have a “biological clock” that determines outcomes for me and a ton of societal pressure to get married and have children. My self worth is perceived to be minimally low, especially when at times my mum compares me with people who I went to school with to say “did you hear that so and so had a child/got married/is on their fourth marriage. I also have the awareness that I’m not as outgoing and putting myself out there compared to my NT peers who are doing these things show that I’m not doing any of that because I don’t actually have the tools to do any of It but that’s my fault that I have to try to make an effort.


I'll make it tldr women are not an item of worship, they are entirely unworthy of it to begin with.

No one asks to be worshipped but everyone is worthy of some respect rather that face such derogation bitterness.
 
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The best advice i can give you (and btw i was also both born early as well as i got stuck when it was my time to come out and WAY to long close to 5 minutes without air = Minimal brain damage /later said diagnose changed to ADHD) and i was INDEED DOOMED FROM BIRTH) is feeling sorry for youre self all the time and pleading for others to feel the self-pity you sadly seem to feel most of the time. You as well as me as well as MANY others around the globe have indeed been handed the shorter end of the straw in life.

Im speaking from 50 years of own experience here and i have also tried this feeling sorry for myself and everyone is against me and so on and i can say this much self-pity will not in any way shape or form help you feel better. Nor will dwelling on the past and that youre still not haven't found a GF. And last having a partner is NOT a human right nor is sadly available to everyone or sometimes it takes some time.

So, if may on the kindest way possible suggest stop feeling sorry for youre self all the time and instead of the self-pity DO something to reach youre goal Markness , no one said life was going to easy or indeed equal and fair. And also have you tried looking in to youre self if there is some personal feature that perhaps you need to try to change to get others liking you and or understanding you better? (Obviously according to youre own possibilities)

So instead of focusing all youre energy on all the negative things try to focus on the positive and how to actually gett towards youre goals. And also LEARN from youre past BUT leave the past where it belongs in the past.
 
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In my opinion - if you're not happy in yourself, finding a girlfriend won't make you any happier. Also, what you project out into the world is going to be reflected back at you. There's a reason why some people light up a room simply by their presence. The same goes for people who emanate negativity.

Look to where you are now - your situation, outlook, health etc. Now say you have a girlfriend. What sort of person would you attract? Then ask yourself, what would your ideal be? Could it be that they hold opposite traits to where you are at the moment? Could wanting to date simply be a salvation fantasy? Similar to winning the lottery - the assumption that removing one worry such as money or being single, will suddenly change your outlook on all other aspects? Newsflash - it won't.

If you feel defeated, doomed to fail etc. Then you add a girlfriend into the mix. Will you feel good enough for them? Will you start to worry and obsess on "what if's" such as them leaving your? Or you hurting their feelings? Not being enough for them? Negativity isn't attractive, and long term in a relationship it will serve to push people away.

Being prone to depression probably means there'll be a good deal of catastrophic thinking, over-generalisation etc. which can be difficult in a relationship. Not only that, but you can end up dragging others down with you. My last girlfriend was exposed to my anxiety and depression for 5 years and she said that she now gets a lot more anxious and depressed. It's not a nice feeling, but at the same time it seems only natural. If you're exposed to something for a prolonged period, it's only natural that it'll start to rub off on you.

I entered most of my relationships in a bad headspace. I spent many years feeling incapable of being single. Terrified of loneliness, or a future spent on my own etc. But, after 18 years of unfulfilling relationships I'm finally looking inward a lot more. Because I realise that I don't love myself, or respect myself. My inner critic is savage, and whilst I want to go and achieve so much in life - much like an excited puppy, I can only get so far. Because that inner critic is holding the leash and will snap me back and knock me down time and time again. Not good enough, a failure, pathetic, unlovable, never going to be happy etc. etc. Sound familiar?

Ed
 
this is not sarcastic or rhetorical. I’m seriously asking why do you want a girlfriend?

If you’re being accused of harassment, how do you go about approaching women?



I haven’t been in a actual relationship at all. Ive has a lot of pressure on having a relationship Especially consider that as a young woman I have a “biological clock” that determines outcomes for me and a ton of societal pressure to get married and have children. My self worth is perceived to be minimally low, especially when at times my mum compares me with people who I went to school with to say “did you hear that so and so had a child/got married/is on their fourth marriage. I also have the awareness that I’m not as outgoing and putting myself out there compared to my NT peers who are doing these things show that I’m not doing any of that because I don’t actually have the tools to do any of It but that’s my fault that I have to try to make an effort.




No one asks to be worshipped but everyone is worthy of some respect rather that face such derogation bitterness.
Being compared to others is hard on one's self concept. My parents were masters of pushing my buttons that way.

More horrible for me was when male acquaintences would regale me with their sexual exploits knowing that I was never in a relationship. Some, who I had thought of as friends would go out to meet girls/women and I was never invited. Then afterwards they would tell me about the sex they had, sometimes talking in a derogatory manner about the women. This especially hurt me to hear such disrespect of women who were open to intimacy which I never experienced from ANYBODY at the time.
 

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