Born prematurely - Is it the root of my struggles?

[Au Naturel]

Why you were premature matters. In fact, 5.5 lbs is what my daughter weighed and she was full term. Perfectly healthy.

You are catastrophizing. Most premies are perfectly fine once they get to the time when they would normally have been full term. "Normal" gestation isn't a specific time anyhow. It is anywhere from 37 to 40 weeks. Nine months is just an approximation.

 

[Au Naturel]

Being compared to others is hard on one's self concept. My parents were masters of pushing my buttons that way.

More horrible for me was when male acquaintences would regale me with their sexual exploits knowing that I was never in a relationship. Some, who I had thought of as friends would go out to meet girls/women and I was never invited. Then afterwards they would tell me about the sex they had, sometimes talking in a derogatory manner about the women. This especially hurt me to hear such disrespect of women who were open to intimacy which I never experienced from ANYBODY at the time.

Yeah. The guys who talk about women with no respect whatsoever. For a lot of guys, sex is "conquering a woman" and a way to inflate their ego. Notches on the pistol. Talking about (bragging) it is a way to inflate their status. If they don't respect the women they were with they don't deserve respect either.

The one time you should worship another person is while having sex. Much more fun for both of you.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yeah. The guys who talk about women with no respect whatsoever. For a lot of guys, sex is "conquering a woman" and a way to inflate their ego. Notches on the pistol. Talking about (bragging) it is a way to inflate their status. If they don't respect the women they were with they don't deserve respect either.

The one time you should worship another person is while having sex. Much more fun for both of you.

I have such dissonance about the first part. It is like I never felt like a real man and I was both envious, yet happy that I could not act the way they did. At the time it left me with a profound feeling of being damaged while unworthy of any intimate relationship.

 

[Au Naturel]

I have such dissonance about the first part. It is like I never felt like a real man and I was both envious, yet happy that I could not act the way they did. At the time it left me with a profound feeling of being damaged while unworthy of any intimate relationship.

That makes no sense. They act like jerks - and therefore you feel damaged and unworthy because you're not a jerk?

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

That makes no sense. They act like jerks - and therefore you feel damaged and unworthy because you're not a jerk?

I felt that way because they had the ability to have a normal human need met and I was a failure at securing that.

 

[Thinx]

I felt that way because they had the ability to have a normal human need met and I was a failure at securing that.

Yes but they did it disrespectfully and selfishly, they totally failed to do it constructively or honorably. I bet the women felt used and disappointed.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Yes but they did it disrespectfully and selfishly, they totally failed to do it constructively or honorably. I bet the women felt used and disappointed.

I maybe think that too, so why did women prefer that over somebody like me who was working hard to make something of myself? That answer does not speak well for their character, does it?

I am still trying to process those negative feelings about myself from my experiences, and which continue to ambush me.

 

[Thinx]

I maybe think that too, so why did women prefer that over somebody like me who was working hard to make something of myself? That answer does not speak well for their character, does it?

I am still trying to process those negative feelings about myself from my experiences, and which continue to ambush me.

From what you have said, I don't think back then you were able to communicate your interest in a relationship to potential women you liked? These guys could do that, and certainly when I was young, women mostly would wait to be asked. But might be disappointed with the guy, so it didn't last long.

Women didn't prefer these guys to you, you were not available as an option unless someone had tracked you down and shown an interest in you, and that may have been hard for you to recognise too, back then. However, had they known you I feel sure they'd have preferred you. For sure.

 

[Markness]

The universe has proved me wrong in a positive way!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The universe has proved me wrong in a positive way!

View attachment 73307

+1,000 And she looks cute, too.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

From what you have said, I don't think back then you were able to communicate your interest in a relationship to potential women you liked? These guys could do that, and certainly when I was young, women mostly would wait to be asked. But might be disappointed with the guy, so it didn't last long.

Women didn't prefer these guys to you, you were not available as an option unless someone had tracked you down and shown an interest in you, and that may have been hard for you to recognise too, back then. However, had they known you I feel sure they'd have preferred you. For sure.

Thank you, @Thinx . I recognize that, but thinking about those women who fell for the glib and exciting and then feel used takes me into some dark and misogynistic places that disturbs me. I am so ashamed of myself.

 

[Owliet]

The universe has proved me wrong in a positive way!

View attachment 73307

I spotted con stuff, is it a con?

Glad it has some positivity!

 

[Au Naturel]

LOL! Back to the OP...

 

[Markness]

I honestly think the positive posts should be moved to a different thread.